April 28, 2005

Please Don't Pee in my Jello

Today Bones wanted jello for dessert. It went like this:

Bones: Mom, can you make us some jello?
Me: Yup.
Bones: When?
Me: Later.
5 minutes pass
Bones: Mom, when are you going to make my jello?
Me: Later. I promise. I’ll make you jello.
2 minutes
Bones, jello box in hand: Mom, can you make me some jello?

And on and on it went until I nearly blew a stack. He’s Mr. Instant Gratification and it makes me frickin’ nuts.

So I finally make it to the kitchen, to find all I needed sitting on the counter so I can make this jello. As I’m pouring water into the pan to make it hot, he plops down this jello mold. It’s shaped like a angel food cake pan, but made out of plastic. The mold is wet.

I’m staring at the mold thinking, “Where have I seen this? Where did he get this?” when I look at him and ask. He says, “the bathtub!”

Then I remember.

My folks were in town and Bones went into this phase where every couple hours, he wanted to take a bath. I’d run warm water for him, walk back in, and there he would be floating on his back, eyes closed, with a jello mold… stuck on his pen-is. It was just sitting there over his crotch. Hiding his bits and pieces. Like a sombrero. (I have no idea why this vision of a sombrero covering a pen-is continues to infiltrate my brain, but I must’ve seen a picture of such somewhere and that’s the first thing that came to my mind.) My parents and I would walk in to continually check on him, laughing at the naked floating boy in the tub… with all parts covered by this plastic jello mold.

So now I stare at the jello mold on my counter and I think, “You have got to be kidding me. This has been sitting in dirty bathwater, hiding a pen-is, and I’m supposed to make jello in it?”

“Why is it wet? Did you wash it?”, I ask hopefully. Realize, however, if he had, I still would have rewashed it. I was just wondering if the impact of the uncleanliness of it all had actually hit him.

“Nope. I just pulled it out of the tub. That’s bathwater” was the reply, as if this were perfectly acceptable.


I run steaming hot water, scalding water, in the sink, and wash the jello mold thoroughly with more than adequate soap. I then let it boil in boiling water for a few minutes.

There was a time that I found nearly all my cooking utensils in the tub. Need measuring spoons? Look in the tub. Measuring cups? Tub. Tupperware? Tub. Ladle? Same. Colander? Tub. Forget expensive bathtub toys. My kitchen supplies were the fave. Sterilizing kitchen ware was routine.

So I’m sitting there making jello in the new sterilized pen-is hider, and my second son comes up and says, “Umm. Mom. That was in the tub. I’m not eating jello with butt germs.”

I looked at him and said, “First, I would not serve you butt germ jello. Second, even if I would, I’m eating the jello too and *I* would NOT serve MYSELF butt germ jello.”

I’m stirring in the cold water and my first son comes up and says, “Mom! Wait! That was the mold that was in the tub! That’s dirty!”

I’m now laughing and explaining how it has been properly washed and sterilized, but inside I am thinking, at what age does this happen? I have my 5 year old who has been bathing with this damn thing for two weeks and he’s probably even peed in the water (I don’t want to know) and he throws it on my counter to be used to eat out of, but I have my 8 and 10 year olds probably even more skeeved out than I was… and I was pretty repulsed.

Posted by Boudicca at April 28, 2005 09:34 PM

First of all, you saw that picture of the sombrero here.

Secondly, LMAO!!

Posted by: Sissy at April 28, 2005 09:58 PM

I imagine no one will ever ask you to bring the jello again.....

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at April 28, 2005 11:09 PM

All I want to know is this: what color jello did you make? I'm seeing green...

Posted by: David at April 28, 2005 11:28 PM

Bou, you should *aleays* bring the Jello. You'll recognise your blog readers by the convulsive laughter.

Posted by: Peter at April 28, 2005 11:35 PM


Just hope that he does eventually get skeeved out by gross stuff. I work with a fellow who never turned that corner. Ugh.

Posted by: Jim at April 29, 2005 05:27 AM

ROTFLMAO! I needed to hear something funny and this did it.

Posted by: vw bug at April 29, 2005 06:51 AM

Great... butt germ jello... nice.

Mental note, if I ever get to meet you, I'm not eating ANYTHING you bring... Kitchen ware bath toys... blah!

Posted by: Contagion at April 29, 2005 08:06 AM

I laughed so hard at this post. Kids are so cute! "He's probably even peed in the water" My son pees in my husband's boot. He thinks its funny . . .

Posted by: oddybobo at April 29, 2005 08:33 AM

Contagion - Bou makes this completely evil chocolate desert. Eat it even if it DOES have butt-germs on it.

Posted by: Harvey at April 29, 2005 08:34 AM

Was it yellow jello? ;)

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 29, 2005 12:12 PM

Sissy- YES!!!! That is it!! And that is pretty much what he looked like... except smaller... whiter... and floating in water. OH and I forgot to mention he would slowly take water in his mouth and spit it out like a fish. So here is this naked little boy, floating, with a jello mold over his bits and pieces... spitting out bathwater that he probably peed in. *shudder*

Jim- I am very worried he won't ever get skeeved out. My others are germ phobes. I'd prefer it that way...

NOte to teh rest of y'all... notice I said I STERILIXED the damn thing! GEEZ. Like I want to eat butt germ jello.

And FTR, the jello was strawberry. I added fresh bananas and now, somehow, there seems to be something inherently wrong with that....

Posted by: Bou at April 29, 2005 03:57 PM

I have a hot water tap at the sink.
I love the thing. Instant sterilization. 180*

Hmmm, banana's in a pen-is covering jello mold.
I'm sure Andrew Sullivan would enjoy it.

Posted by: _Jon at April 29, 2005 05:15 PM

You sound so very much like my mother. It's kinda scary . . .

Posted by: Aris_Ravencroft at April 29, 2005 06:39 PM

Please tell me, Aris, that I am not old enough to be your Mama. I'm already horribly depressed that I'm old enough to be Sissy's, my blog daughter. She said, "Oh no! You're not! My Mom is 41!"

Great. I turn 40 in September. :)

Posted by: Bou at April 29, 2005 06:44 PM

"Great. I turn 40 in September."

Just a pup.


Posted by: David at April 29, 2005 10:02 PM

Well... better 40 and alive than than dead...

Posted by: Boudicca at April 29, 2005 10:04 PM

That's the problem with jello - no instant gratification. I can remember that is what I dreaded most about craving jello when it was not made. 4 hours is an eternity to a kid.

Posted by: Stu at April 30, 2005 02:45 AM