August 22, 2005

Evidently I Felt I Might Run Out of Blog Fodder

Well… my loyal readers… you will not be surprised to hear… I am now the boy scout leader for my 8 year old’s den. The crap I do for my kids sometimes, truly boggles the mind.

It’s not even worth going into how it happened. Really. The fact is, it’s a done deal. I think the other den leaders are kind of horrified. When a den leader is introduced and she starts with, “I have no clue how I got roped into this, I don’t even like kids…”, that’s not a real good sign. Not exactly stepping off on the right foot there… but, I.DON’T.CARE.

I just have to get through this year. Tonight’s meeting was me, 3 gung ho Dads and 1 supportive Mom, who happens to be married to one of the 3 gung ho Dads who is also the frickin’ Pack leader guy. So she doesn’t count. It was 3 gung ho Dads and a Mom who doesn’t give a crap.

Half way through the meeting, I looked at the Dad next to me (who also happens to be a very cool I T guy from work) and I whispered, “Wait, den = small, pack = big, right?” He gave me a two thumbs up, but he could not conceal the horror in his eyes. I know he was thinking, “Thank God my kid isn’t in her den.”

It’ll all come together. I’m not worried. Tomorrow I go to the Boy Scout store and buy a shirt. Son#2 is a Bear, so I’ll probably get a shirt with the Bear logo. That’ll get worn exactly one time a month. I’m also going to buy a book so I can peruse it and think of lots of places to take the kids… with Moms as chaperones. The more things we see and the less I have to spend alone with them, entertaining them, the better.

They can learn to chop wood, shoot a BB gun and whittle wood with the MEN folk when they camp. That’s not me.

Which brings me to… camping. Now I don’t know exactly what kind of impression I give off on my blog. I’m a high strung woman who is very low maintenance… if you can believe that combo. Think type A personality, in jeans and a T-shirt, bra optional. I have no issues not wearing make up, although I do prefer a bit of eye liner and lipstick. Hair in a ball cap and pony tail is perfectly cool. I prefer barefoot to shoes. I rarely change my earrings. If I’m going out someplace with my husband or have a big shindig to go to, yes. Otherwise, I only wear my gold posts. I never remove my jewelry other than my watch. I prefer a shower to a tub.

That’s it.

But… I cannot live without the finer things in life, such as… running water and electricity, preferably combined to make… a hot shower.

No. I do not do the ‘no bathing thing’. I am an almost 40 year old woman and dammit, I like my hot showers. I like one a day on most days and if it’s that time of the month, I’ll take two. Or three. It is a necessity.

Now I know I have readers who do re-enactments as their hobbies. I LOOOOOVE reading about them. But stop right there. If at the end of the weekend, there has been NO BATHING, I want NOTHING to do with it. NOTHING.

And forget all that junk about digging a hole and defecating in the woods. Or peeing in bushes. NO. I DO NOT do that either. Bathrooms, my friends, yes, I require a bathroom and I don’t want some blue plastic port-o-let that could tip over or smells like 100 years of feces and urine.

So this camping thing… it appears I may have to do this FOUR TIMES. FOUR. Not just once… but FOUR FRICKIN’ TIMES. FOUR!

I just sat there taking it all in. Finally at the end, the great IT guy I work with says to me, “Look, this is what you want in a tent…” and at that point everyone jumped in and I’m scribbling furiously as evidently Sports Authority is currently having a 33% off tent sale as we speak. I’m hearing about tarps, tents, poles, blow up mattresses that self inflate, stoves, propane, dirty kids, no bathing, rain, sleeping bags that don’t keep you warm, some drug that starts with an ‘A’ that helps you sleep, ear plugs, and the like.”

I sat there thinking, “Shit.”

Oh and the bonus plan in it all... Oh I frickin' LOVED this one... the IT guy says to me, "Oh my wife got this great tent... " and he sketches it out so he can show me the lay out of how it fit two queen blow ups, 1 pack and play and a changing area.

I said, "Wow. Your wife is a saint. You even went camping with a baby?"

His reply was, "Oh no, she got it big enough for it all to fit. She doesn't go with us."

The other big camping Dad looked at me and said, "Oh none of our wives go. They stay in a local hotel preferably with room service."

Lovely. Just. Lovely.

Soooooooo… on a good note for you all… it appears I have just stepped into an enormous amount of blog fodder, as you now get to be the recipient of my half insane rants of a den leader to 8 year old boys as well as y’all get to watch me indoctrinate myself into this heathen sport called ‘camping’.

Let the fun begin. Ooo Rah.

Posted by Boudicca at August 22, 2005 10:11 PM | TrackBack

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!! And yes, I am laughing AT you!!!

I cannot believe you signed up for this. I think the story WOULD be interesting!

And on another note....I sometimes think we ARE related....the whole same jewlery, showers, simple clothes, etc....all me!

Posted by: Sissy at August 22, 2005 10:32 PM

Good Luck

Said from a former (Daughter's) Girl Scout Leader. Just wait till you hit the paperwork for some of this stuff!!!

At least you have parents who participate instead of using you as a evening day care provider. Sigh...

Posted by: cin at August 22, 2005 10:36 PM

If I'd known you were bored or looking for something ELSE to do along with your current 100,000 activities, I'd have invited you over to weed my yard or something just as fun as running a Cub troop.

Translation: Are you NUTS????

And not to be sexist or anything, but why was a woman drafted for this job? Where are the men in the little Cubs' lives?

As for camping, I've found that the older I get, the more comforts I like. Two weeks in a rented RV several years ago spoiled me on "real" camping.

Posted by: George at August 22, 2005 10:51 PM

George- I'm not taking that as sexist. Yeah, I'd like to know where all those damn cubby bear fathers are too.

Oh and get this. They asked me if I had 'bought the uniform'. Phht. I laughed in their faces. I said, "Those pants will make my butt look big and I don't wear Indiana Jones hats." I'm wearing a boy scout T-shirt, jeans and a ball cap. They don't like it, they can find another den leader.

Posted by: Bou at August 22, 2005 10:57 PM

And I assume you will be camping in Florida? Yikes! I never even considered camping in Florida when we lived there. Blog fodder indeed! I'll wish you good luck as well.... (And you may want to consider a hip flask...) :)

Posted by: Richmond at August 22, 2005 11:21 PM

"Those pants will make my butt look big and I don't wear Indiana Jones hats."

LOL!! I wish I could have seen the look on their faces!

Posted by: Sissy at August 22, 2005 11:23 PM

Ummm... No I don't camp. Last time I camped I was 14 and in girl scouts... it snowed on us. Did I mention that my sleeping bag was NOT rated for snow? It's the most miserable weekend I ever spent in my life - I will not camp again ever. Anyone else is welcome to my little portion of the great outdoors! I will even take Motel 6 over camping...

Posted by: Teresa at August 23, 2005 12:06 AM're a brave, brave woman!
If I'm going to camp it better damn well at least involve an RV or a cabin. I do NOT do tents! While I have a sick fascination with them, the aversion to creepy crawly things and hard pokey ground wins out.

Posted by: Princess Cat at August 23, 2005 12:28 AM

ummm... not to mention you'd be the only chick there. Wouldn't that be an issue for the boy scout folks???? Anyway, wiggle out of the camping if you can. I hate it too. I flat ass refuse....

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 23, 2005 01:20 AM

Bawha ha ha ha haha ha. ROTFLMAO. Nope, not going camping. Not even for you. But I will sit back and laugh and laugh and laugh. My hubby and Tater just asked what I was laughing out loud about. Yep. I laughed that hard. I knew about the boy scouts... I didn't know about the camping. This is going to be good. Well... good for me. ;-)

Posted by: vw bug at August 23, 2005 06:52 AM

Oh my! Oh my goodness!

You're not going to have any appendages attached are you?! Talk about yer blog fodder -- Dang!!

Posted by: Marie at August 23, 2005 07:37 AM

That medicine that they were refering to that helps you sleep and starts with an "A" is called

Or as my Uncle refered to it in his Scout leader days "Snake bite medicine".

Oh and my mother, back in the early 70's was a Den Leader. So it's not all that unusual for a mom to be a den leader.

Camping, not that bad. Not with the Scout facilities now a days. At least the girl scout camps weren't that bad.

I spent the summer at a primitive camp (no running water, or flush toliets) as a girl scout camp counslor. 10 weeks, and it was a blast!

Posted by: Machelle at August 23, 2005 08:49 AM

Oh, that IS a riot.

It does seem odd, in a way...

It used to be that CUB scouts were always led by Den Mothers. They were the younger kids, and they met in parent's houses during the afternoon while the (typical) father was at work.

When the kids got older they entered Boy Scouts, and that is when the meetings were at night and fathers really started entering the picture.

However, Cub Scouts never went on overnight trips. It doesn't seem right for a pile of boys to be on a weekend camping trip with a female (no offense, I hope, Bou) -- how can you have a "weekend with the guys" with a full-grown woman in the mix?


Posted by: Ogre at August 23, 2005 09:57 AM

I am married to the King of the outdoors, if you need pointers, give me ring.....I will let you guys chat.

There are 3 rules I have bout camping.

#1 Someone has my coffee ready when I wake up......

#2 I do not cook

#3 If I go without a shower or bath for more than 24 hours....specially if we are hiking...I am done.

Otherwise I am a great camper.

I have camped all over Colorado, and even at Zion National Park. I can help with a tent, and hike for miles....

I do enjoy it, but "the rules" are understtod by dear husband.

Go to REI website, or Cabelas

great discouted camping goodas at"Campmore"....

Posted by: ArmyWifeToddlerMom at August 23, 2005 11:03 AM

"It used to be that CUB scouts were always led by Den Mothers."

Yeah, that is the way I remeber it too. At about eleven the cubs went into the real scouting program. We cubs got to learn stuff like tying knots and woodburning images into our arms and how to build a fire and stuff like that inthe back yard. Once in a while some dad-usually mine would take us all fishing on a Saturday but mostly it was the den mother-my mom-who put up with us. No camping envolved until it was scout time!

But, don't worry. Just get a tent that has room for a GOOD porta pottu and buy the chemical from Wally world to keep it from smelling. We keep one around just for hurricane season when the power goes out so does the well!

Posted by: GUYK at August 23, 2005 05:33 PM

Camping... yep I love it, any time of the year, any place any way. I prefer primitive camping over modern. As a scout leader and as a regular camper if you want advice, I'll be more then happy to share some secrets with you.

You can get portable solar showers to bath in if you are that nervous.

When I was a cub, and even with boopie in cub scouts, our council would not allow us to take them camping. Which is a shame, because we could of had a lot of fun. Especially with the gear that I own.

However, maybe I am sexist, but I went through scouting with a bunch of old time scouters, and I don't think a female has any place on a cub/boy scout camping trip.

Posted by: Contagion at August 23, 2005 05:42 PM