November 22, 2005

Since When did Pepto Bismal become Dessert?

Today’s culinary delight, courtesy of the US Government, was Menu #21, Chicken Tetrazzini. What odd things they thought to pack with this meal…

Crackers- Same as the last meal, and this is the item that has the anti-oxidants added. Odd. Tasty crackers, but odd.

Strawberry Jam- Very good! Son#2 insisted on eating any crackers and jam anyone else did not want. It would have been good with yesterday’s peanut butter. I think in the field, I’d save the PB or Jam in a pocket in the event I ended up with the other next go round. You can never have too much PB&J.

Strawberry Dairy Shake- Holy crap. I’m sorry, but I do not see it is possible for the MRE Chef Gods of the US Government to have thrust anything worse upon our men and women in combat than this one single item. Folks, I could do a whole damn post on this one thing. I can feel the bile rising in my throat just thinking of it.

Opening up this package, it was a white powder, looking and smelling somewhat benign enough. I added the obligatory 6 oz of cold water, while mentally thinking, “No good can come of this.” Intuition said, ‘fake shakes are bad’. I was right. I shook it for the required one minute, and it turned a pink of the most foul. Pepto Bismal pink, not being the worst trait, but combined with the same thick flow of Pepto Bismal, I knew I was going to be hard pressed to take a sip.

But I did. All in the name of science. It was truly awful. Son#1 took one small sip and said, “No thanks and mine didn't get stirred very well” as he looked at the white lumps that had been poured into his cup. I think shaking is not sufficient. One needs that Green Army Man Spoon to beat out all the lumps.

Son#2 took a bigger sip, twisted his face up and said, “This is awful!”. Bones took a sip and said... “This is GREAT! Can I have Son#2’s?” Good God. It was so sweet, it tasted like something along the lines of what they gave me to test me for diabetes with the consistency of a barium swallow. Blech.

Don’t trust Bones. The Strawberry Dairy Shake sucks wet socks, which is what I would do if I were a soldier and was thirsty, instead of drinking this nasty pink crap.

Accessory Packet B- Oh this was a hit. This contained the tootsie rolls, instant coffee, creamer, sugar, ground red pepper packet and… the very cool coveted Army Man Spoon. Once again… No cute little tobasco bottle.

Chicken Tetrazzini- It got One Thumb Up from Son#2, who ate his and everyone else’s, and Two Thumbs Down from my other two. (We vote with three thumbs in this house.) I tasted it and it really really needed that red pepper packet that came in Accessory Packet B.

Oatmeal Cookie- One Thumb Up from Son#2, One ‘OK’ from Son#1, and a Thumb Down from Bones. I personally thought it would have been fine with a steaming hot cup of instant coffee, non-dairy creamer and sugar provided in Accessory Packet B.

So over all…I’m going to have to say that Menu #21, Chicken Tetrazzini, got the big “NO”, as it was a 2/3 thumbs down and… because I still want to vomit thinking of that Strawberry Dairy Shake. Someone should be court marshalled for that one… hung for treason for trying to kill our troops in the field. Blech.

Tomorrow’s menu? We do not know. After today’s fiasco, they’re still fighting over who gets to pick tomorrow’s lunch. It’ll have to be a surprise. I know… you can hardly wait.

Posted by Boudicca at November 22, 2005 05:22 PM | TrackBack

heh. As for the weird combos, as you may have guessed, it usually leads to interesting trades.....

Posted by: caltechgirl at November 22, 2005 05:51 PM

Okay, I don't know about these newer MREs, but I would assume it's the same as what we ate. Most of the best meals are made by combining elements of seperate meals.

An easy example: If your oatmeal cookie was a bar, and not an actual cookie, it was like ours. You take a packet of hot chocolate powder, creamer, add water to desired consistency, and you've got a chocolate topping for the cookie.

Lots of other tricks that others could give, I bet. Post that as a question...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at November 22, 2005 05:52 PM

Oops... all that came from the thought that I bet you could salvage that shake by adding something else. I got carried away. Heheheh...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at November 22, 2005 05:53 PM

Once upon a time my unit was chosen as a test subject for MRE Menu's.

Now being a good southern boy I'll eat what is put in front of me.

But when they set this dark brown plastic beauty in front of me I began to have second thoughts.


I love Catfish.

But MRE Catfish?

I would rather Eat that wet sock after your entire family sucked on it than ever taste that again in my entire life.

Posted by: BloodSpite at November 22, 2005 06:02 PM

I love this adventure. It is so completely entertaining.

Posted by: oddybobo at November 23, 2005 08:55 AM


hate to tell you this but among those with whom I tend to hang out, those dairy shakes are prized possessions. I will barter, argue, cajole, even withhold medical care if I have to for the Vanilla shake. It's not easy. The problem with them is they are so full of fats and calories (something like 440 calories) that they are just not a good, healthy addition to a standard meal. So... you know... save yours for me, mmmmkay?

Posted by: RSM at November 24, 2005 09:50 AM

MRE Catfish? That sounds down right scary? Funny post, I can remember some intense trading sessions in the field (but that was with C's).

Posted by: Randall at November 25, 2005 11:35 AM