November 23, 2005

Two MREs on Thanksgiving Eve

Today we have a twofer… two MRE lunches courtesy of the US Government. Double the culinary experience. There was some argument as to exactly what would be consumed next, so since one MRE really doesn’t feed all three boys, we opted to try two.

Menu#17 Beef Teriyaki and #15 Beef Enchilada. Now, I had originally thought we would not try the Beef Enchilada today as we were to meet Morrigan’s boyfriend and I figured a farting contest would not be setting the boys’ best foot forward, a contest that would be inevitable in my mind, after eating the MRE Chef God’s version of enchiladas. But, upon much begging from Bones, I acquiesced, and that became our 2nd meal.

Starting with the Beef Teriyaki…

Wheat snack bread- it came with one of those fresh paks that make me feel not so good for our troops. I know, our men and women serving our Country realize these aren’t home cooked meals from Mom, but honestly, there’s nothing like a 'fresh pak' attached to your bread to hammer that home… well that and the Army Green plastic bag the bread comes in… but I digress. The Wheat snack bread tasted stale, was preformed to be the shape of a piece of freshly baked bread (actually it looked like the shape of the plastic bread from the game Operation), but not bad. Really.

Blackberry Jam- this stuff rocked. It was just what the wheat snack bread needed. It would be awesome with that chemical Peanut Butter provided in Menu 13, Cheese Tortellini.

Accessory Pack- This one was not labeled, but contained black tea, sugar, non-dairy creamer, gum AND!!!!, that itty bitty bottle of tobasco sauce! We saved the tobasco sauce. It was too cute to eat. Oh and the coveted Army Man Spoon. We’re collecting them…when The Great Omnipotent One is not trying to throw them away.

Peanut Butter M&Ms- Heh. Is there any question what we thought of those? I think not.

Noodles Chow Mein- like the stuff you buy at the grocery store.

Beef Teriyaki- Eaten only by two boys, Bones wouldn’t touch it, he had a hankering for Beef Enchilada, it was deemed funky by one boy and OK for the other… giving it two thumbs up.

Shortbread cookies- Oh. The dessert was a major failing. They needed that blackberry jam in a bad bad way. I think the cookies took in the taste of that Army Green Plastic bag in which they came. Morrigan tried to convince the boys that the cookies tasted fine after bite #2, but they’d have nothing to do with a 2nd bite. My husband tried to convince them if they plugged their nose and just threw it down their throat, they would be great. The boys didn’t buy that either.

OH! And it came with Beverage Base Powder, Grape Flavor, that got two thumbs up. Kool-aid. I don’t know why they couldn’t just print ‘grape kool aid’ on the pack. I think pyschologically it would be much better for our soldiers… sounds like home… comfort food, good kid memories. One feels hesitant to drink something that sounds like it came out of Chemistry Lab.

So… we give MRE #17 Beef Teriyaki Two Thumbs Up! It was totally edible and in some cases, pretty good. Just skip the cookies or… spread the jam on them first.

As for the Beef Enchilada… Wow. There was just so much wrong. Let’s save the worst for last.

It came with Beverage Base Powder, Cherry Flavor which garnered two thumbs way up! Cherry Kool aid! Yippee!!!

Vegetable Crackers- Very good.

Cheese Spread with Jalapenos- this was cheez whiz with jalapenos and was pretty good.

Accessory pack- same as Teriyaki except we got instant coffee.

Chocolate Chip Cookie- The kids took one bite and tried to pawn the rest of it off on Morrigan’s boyfriend. Not a good sign. The MRE Chef Gods need work on their baking skills. Perhaps with that cup of instant coffee... the cookie could be dunked in it to soften it up a bit.

And… the worst for last…

Mexican rice- Good Lord. This was the most foul thing I have EVER tried to put in my body. And I’ve eaten some nasty stuff. First, it stayed the shape of the Army green packet in which it arrived. There was not much hope in breaking it up. And when I did manage to break off a bite, something one does not expect to have to do with ‘rice’, I cannot even explain what it tasted like. And it wasn't stuck together like a hard brick, but rather like it was encased in lard. It was not salvageable with tobasco sauce. It was a consistency problem. Now, perhaps if I had heated it with the MRE heating element, it would have softened the residue and been easier to… break apart. If there is a next time, I shall try that.

Beef Enchilada- It smelled bad. Really bad. Morrigan said it smelled like Body Odor. By far it was the worst smelling of all the MREs. At one point, not realizing it was the MRE, she thought it was my husband, thinking to herself, “He always smells so nice and clean. I’ve never ‘smelled’ him before…could it be?” Heh. ‘Twas not. This was the meal Bones had been looking forward to. The other boys would not touch it. Bones nibbled at it, but said it was just not good. He was being kind.

Two thumbs down on the whole Enchilada. Blech. I couldn’t even tell the MRE Chef Gods where to begin in correcting this erroneous odorous meal. But, if pressed, I would suggest their starting with the Mexican rice though, as it truly was the worst offender.

And I did have to wonder, if a soldier did eat this entire meal, which I am sure they do as someone said to me, “You’ll eat anything if you’re tired, hungry and angry enough”, it would surely produce a gaseous aftereffect, as it is supposed to be Mexican food. Should that secondary gaseous effect be worse than the original smell that occurred during preparation, that secondary smell should be bottled up. Our military could use that as chemical warfare.


Posted by Boudicca at November 23, 2005 10:43 PM | TrackBack

You are killing me with these...

God love y'all's fortitude.

; )

Posted by: Christina at November 23, 2005 10:55 PM

DH says MRES now, are perhaps 10 times better than in DEsert Storm, where he lived off of 10 choices.....

I am sure TGOO remembers c-rats....this stuff is probably gourmet compared.

DH, also says turkey and mashed taters are not bad, he also enjoyed the hamburger patty...

comfort food....

very entertaining as always, and those grits looked yummy....

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at November 24, 2005 12:49 AM

Ahhh.... C-rations. Everything came in a can. And you got a pack of four cigarettes with the food. And a neat can opener that we called a John Wayne and wore it around our neck on the dog tag chains. And BTW, shipboard sailors call that Kool Aid "bug juice". There's red bug juice, purple bug juice, etc. You get the idea.

Today I'll settle for a traditional Thanksgiving dinner prepared by Hubba Hubba. */;-)

Posted by: TGOO at November 24, 2005 01:33 PM