November 24, 2005

Say It Isn't So- An MRE on Thanksgiving

Whoda thunk it? Really. All these great left overs, turkey, ham, cheese grits, some excellent squash casserole with swiss cheese, stuffing… you name it, we have a bit left over, and for dinner tonight, my eldest wants Cheese Tortellini MRE. There is just something inherently wrong with that.

We didn’t have one of those available, so instead, on this Thanksgiving Evening, the boys tried MRE #20, Spaghetti and Meat Sauce.

I wasn’t going to blog tonight. It’s THANKSGIVING! But, when something as absolutely absurd as your children requesting a repeat performance of an MRE for dinner, instead of Thanksgiving leftovers, its just begging to be blogged. And so… it goes…

Menu#20, Spaghetti with Meat Sauce came with repeat performances from many past MREs. You know you’ve eaten many MREs when you start to recognize items as staples. In the accessory pack we got coffee and the fixin’s for those who do not take it black, gum, and the cute little bottle of tobasco sauce. I’ve never thought of putting tobasco sauce on Spaghetti… Blech.

Wheat Snack Bread- This one was also fake shaped like bread. I was dead on serious when I said it looked like a big version of that Bread you remove from the electrified patient in that game Operation. It just needs to be white. And evidently, it was not a fluke. Wheat Snack Breads come ready made stale.

Cheese Spread- OK, this was not good. I think Cheese Whiz is better. The Cheese Spread is infinitely better with the jalapeno in it… this plain way, all of us took a bite and then shoved it aside. Hmm. No thanks. In retrospect, this is what that little bottle of tobasco sauce was for. Mix it in with the cheese spread and then spread it on the Wheat Snack Bread.

Charms candy- Big hit. Of course.

Spaghetti with Meat Sauce- Two thumbs up. The kids said it tasted just like the stuff we buy in the can for hurricane supplies. Typically they don’t like Chef Boyrdee, but I think when the Chef happens to come in a Green Army Man meal, then that’s acceptable. The quote from Bones, “Hey! This is really good!” I think every dead Italian relative of my husband’s probably turned in their grave, but the point was made. It wasn’t bad.

OK… I saved the worst for last… because I suspect that there is something going on in the MRE Chef God test Kitchen of which our government needs to be made aware. I think that there are people in the kitchen that are exacting some sort of revenge upon our military.

Hear me out.

I think it’s the Soviets. See, they didn’t win the Cold War, so they have infiltrated our MRE Chef God Kitchen and have decided it may take them 20 or 30 years, but they will win by coming up with… Dairy Shake Powder for our soldiers. That’s right. Somehow this offensive ‘Dessert’ has made it past the taste testers for our men and women in uniform and THE ONLY THING I CAN THINK OF, is that someone pretty high up in the taste tester chain is working for the enemy or some past enemy to exact some sort of revenge or perhaps are delusional and think they can win it back slowly through poisoning our troops.

And don’t believe RSM. I’m officially afraid for him as of the comments in THIS post. Holy crap. Note to RSM: I’m sorry my friend, but it is time for us to find you a good woman who can cook so you realize that ANY DAIRY SHAKE POWDER in an MRE is 'not good'. I’m not sure if your taste buds havebeen damaged by Dairy Shake Powder consumption, or what, but perhaps you need to make your way down to West Palm Beach so my boys and I can whip you up a real shake… ‘cause MRE shakes ain’t it. *Big Grin*

Holy crap. Today’s MRE specialty was Chocolate Dairy Shake Powder. The Strawberry was so incredibly vile, I decided to use cold water from my folk’s refrigrator in hopes that the ‘extra cold’ might help. I was wrong.

First, that crap is not shakeable. You must use your special Army Man Spoon to get the lumps out. Second, I know I have texture issues, but this one, I tell you, it is like a barium swallow… chalky and thick. Third, I guess it was chocolate. Chocolate of the worst degree. Chocolate made by people who have never actually tasted it, but have only had it described to them.

I’m sorry, the dessert is just not edible. It’s not. Period. MAYBE it is edible if you just eat the powder. Maybe. But with water, no, my friends, it is not. Once again, the memories…although not as bad as the strawberry… the memories bring the bile into my throat. It is that bad.

So you cannot convince me that if Strawberry and Chocolate taste as atrocious as they do, that the Vanilla RSM swears to is any great shakes. No pun intended. Someone feed that boy!!!

As for this MRE, we give it TWO THUMBS UP. Just skip the shake or you’ll lose your dinner. Blech.

Sidenote: RSM is of When the Smoke Clears and has become one of my favorite blogs. (I met him at Eric's... he is Eric's blogson.) He knows I am teasing him. Kind of. I am a bit worried for him. Really. Vanilla Shakes. No thanks. I'll pass. *wink*

Posted by Boudicca at November 24, 2005 09:45 PM | TrackBack

DIBS on your Vanilla!!!!

hey, and I CAN cook just fine. As a matter of fact I had a cadet call me up last night for an emergency "what do I fix in 30 minutes to impress this girl and here are the ingredients I have" advice.

But this finding a woman thing.... let's go with that for now...

Posted by: RSM at November 24, 2005 09:59 PM

Ok, Aaron said that the guys and gals in the field don't even eat MRE's on Thanksgiving! lol

Posted by: Sissy at November 25, 2005 01:29 AM

... makes you wonder if dropping all those MREs out of helicopters to starving Iraqis and Afghanis is really humane after all....

Posted by: Eric at November 25, 2005 08:02 AM

RSM- OK, I believe you can cook, but this is key... DO NOT save MRE Vanilla shakes for dessert. They won't impress her. Just sayin'... ;-)

Sissy- Can you believe it? All this good food and my boys are requesting MREs.

Eric- As long as it isn't the Beef Enchilada and they skip on the shakes, I guess its not too inhumane. Heh.

Posted by: Bou at November 25, 2005 12:57 PM

Thought you might appreciate this nice holiday table setting for Thanksgiving. Not mine, just the power of google. :-)

Posted by: cin at November 25, 2005 03:00 PM

Ummm, Bou? That's child abuse.


Posted by: Blackfive at November 25, 2005 04:02 PM

Bou, the reason that the tobasco sause is in every MRE is because it hides the taste of everything. I always used it very liberally-even on the eggs and ham stuff

Posted by: GUYK at November 25, 2005 08:34 PM

Maybe it was a misprint, and that shake stuff is really something to treat trench foot.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at November 26, 2005 10:08 PM

You know you are getting old when you remember prefering the dehydrated pork patty MRE only because of the applesauce and the fact it was marginally better than the dehydrated beef patty.

It was definitely weird getting recalled in 2003 and seeing some of the crud they stuff in an MRE package now.

Gimme a ham loaf! Anyone want to trade for the cherry pound cake?

Posted by: SGT Jeff (IRR) at November 30, 2005 04:37 PM