VW had a porch pass last night, so we went to Victoria’s Secret. I know, I know, I have many a woman reader yelling at their screen, “NO! Not the pink hell hole of the universe!” Heh. I don’t think that came out right, but hey, it has a nice ring to it…
But we did. I figured it was going to be my experiment for the sake of womanly science, trying on various size bras starting with 36AA and 32D and for her, a spectator sport. Or an enormous entertainment factor. I think she was banking on the entertainment factor…
So walk down the mall we did, and boy, I think I remembered why I don’t do the mall thing much. VW and I were chit chatting and I glanced to the left, where some teenager reached over his shoulder to scratch his back and in so doing, his shirt tale lifted up, revealing… a big hairy ass. I had to avert my eyes. I was horrified. No kidding, we saw 6 INCHES of his crack. I thought at first it was just me who had witnessed the horror show, but upon passing it, VW mentioned it. Good Grief. Where was that boy’s Mama? His pants were so low, they were nearly cupping his cheeks! Ack! It was gross.
We made our way into VS and upon looking around, we were approached by who I think ended up being the Manager. She asked if she could help us and I told her I was looking for her bras without underwire as I don’t do underwire. She informed me that underwire was uncomfortable for me because… I must be wearing the WRONG bra size! And she offered to measure me to help me find the right size!
Holy crap! I couldn’t believe our good fortune. As we followed the manager into the back of the store, I turned to VW making an exaggerated face and mouthed, “Bloooog Fooooodder!” It just appears folks. I walk places and blog fodder throws itself at my feet!
Into the back of the store we walked where the woman in black starts to measure me. The measurements she was getting for me were distinctly different than the ones I had, as she was measuring over my clothes. I told her this. And this is where the education comes in for some of the women folk.
She said I needed a bra on so she could get the idea of my full shape, that breast tissue does one of two things, it sags or spreads. She needed it doing neither of those. It made sense, but my ears perked at the ‘spread’ idea because I still pass the ‘pencil test’, there is no saggage… but spreadage? Hunh. I had not heard that before.
Upon her assessment she said to me, “You are a 34 or a 36C”. I laughed. I surely do not look like a C cup, but she gave me one of each to try, leaving us with a nice young woman who she called their ‘bra expert’. What a title, huh?
I tried on the 34 and it just looked awful. Where some women may get spillage out the front, I had it out the sides. This was an indicator for me that I have ‘spread’ at this my 40th year. They are ‘wider’, if that makes sense. I think my breasts may very well start on the sides of my body.
Heh. That’s a nice visual, I am sure.
The 36C? It fit perfect. I could not believe I was a 36C. I felt so… so… voluptuous! This coming from a woman who is content to have NO breast tissue. Its fat in my eyes, I don’t need it. But sure enough, that’s what I am, a 36 C.
So came the time for me to find one I liked, so they brought me a whole heapin’ lot of 36Cs to see which was preferable. Now, this entire time, I’d try on a bra, peak out the door, and have the ‘bra expert’ come in, in between changes. I’d have flung the door open, truth be told, but I was afraid of scaring men. I have no inclination to do any permanent emotional damage.
And I don’t know what happened, but some mention came in of VW coming into the room and I said, “I’m not modest. It doesn’t bother me” and VW said, “Well why have I been staying out here the entire time?” and I replied, “I figured you weren’t allowed in. Maybe they might think we’re lesbians or something” to which the VW laughed really loud and the young ‘bra specialist’ laughed, but had this incredulous look on her face.
So from there I tried on bra after bra as VW and I commented on all of them… the impracticality of some. I feel certain we kept the ‘bra specialist’ entertained. There was this one black funky lace thing that in the center was ‘tied’ together. I tried it on for the hell of it, not fully comprehending why someone would wear something like this. I mean, with my luck, the middle tie would come undone and I’d come apart... at work. And it wasn’t cheap either. I bet it was $40. Surely it couldn’t be for sex. I mean let’s get real. Forty bucks for some guy to spend 5 seconds untying it only for it to end up on the floor for the rest of the night? No thanks. No forty dollar bra of mine is ending up on the floor… it needs its own special drawer for that kind ‘o cash.
I’m all about form fit and function… which is why I bought, ‘The Shock Absorber’. That’s right, my new bra has a name.
I don’t care what they say about underwires, they still suck. And the Shock Absorber, it moved everything where it needed to be, to the point that when I put it on, VW declared, “Hey! With that bra you don’t need padding under your sweater!”
Heh. Of course not. I’m a frickin’ 36C!
I read somewhere that the average bra size for American women happens to be 36C. I'm just a fount of knowledge.
Posted by: Denny at December 2, 2005 11:23 PMWait. What does that say about me? I am 5'2" and the average height is like 5'6" for women? Does that mean I'm stacked? ;-)
Posted by: Bou at December 2, 2005 11:25 PMI guess Denny is right....
In the roaring 1920s, American women bound their breasts to give them a boyish, flat-chest look. Large breasts came into vogue in the 40s and 50s, popularized by pin-ups and sweater girls. Americans continue to look to pop stars and fashion models for the standard of beauty. Their large, perky breasts symbolize sexuality. But, the standard is unrealistic.
Emphasis on physical attractiveness, including breast size, contributes to insecurity, eating disorders, and depression. Women want to look like the models on the magazine covers. But the real woman of today simply doesn't.
The average breast size in America has recently increased from 34B to 36C. This coincides with the increase in dress size. The fashion industry typically designed clothes for a size eight, B-cup woman. With the obesity epidemic, the average American female wears size 14 or 16. No surprises here. Breast size is determined by fatty tissue. The more fatty tissue in your breasts, the bigger they are. In essence, naturally large breasts are nothing more than fat deposits.
Only adolescent girls who have not fully developed have naturally pert breasts. The mature breast naturally sags - and the larger the breast, the greater the sag.
Unfortunately, many women strive for a standard that can only be obtained with surgery. Breasts are the fashion accessories of the 21st century. And, like all fashion accessories, the standard will change in time.
Source:
1. Fashion Blast for US Plus Sizes, Trade Development Council, January 13, 2004. Available online at: http://www.tdctrade.com/ mne/ garment/ clothing119.htm. Accessed June 21, 2005.
Posted by: Rave at December 3, 2005 12:31 AMI see you left off the comment I made as we walked away from the 'boy'. "I would never have s.x with a hairy arse like that!" hahahaha.
I still couldn't believe he had the nerve to try and shock us. I also couldn't believe how much like old women we sounded. "I can't believe his mother would let him dress like that." "How gross is that."
That was definitely a fun evening. Thanks for inviting me. ohhh... she was a 'bra specialist'... I thought she was going to choke trying not to laugh when I found out she was a 'bra specialist' and did the little routine. "Oh, what is your job?" "Me? I'm a BRA SPECIALIST". Hard to do the inflection on comments....
Posted by: vw bug at December 3, 2005 06:59 AMThis is the one area we differ at darlin'.
I love those lacy impracticle wisps. I always have. I probably have 15 bras in every color imaginable. Some for every day, some for evening and yes even a couple that are supposed to just end up laying on the floor.
It's about how they make me feel.
Posted by: Tammi at December 3, 2005 07:00 AMRave-
I'm a size 4... very athletic. I've always looked at it just as fat tissue, but my body fat is not so high. Funny thing is, I really don't look like a 36C. I could go braless in a heartbeat and most would not notice.
VW- I knew I'd forget something!! I almost called you last night, but it was 9:30... too late.
Tammi- I know. The problem is, I just hate wearing them. Still. Even after wearing this new one all day yesterday, I'm still going to do the braless thing. They don't make me feel good.
Posted by: Bou at December 3, 2005 09:16 AMglad you found...a "bra specialist"...and a bra that fit. It always takes forever to find a great bra I think, and every woman should have at least 4 "perrty bras"...that offer nothing but averting attention from other places...kind of a bait and switch if you will...
Looks like I better go in too because all this time I've been wearing 38C's and by the end of the day, I'm miserable!
Posted by: Sissy at December 3, 2005 12:09 PMI was a 36B until I had kids... I kept wearing the old 36B bras because I couldn't afford new ones... Then when I finally could buy some - I ended up in a 38B. Pregnancy makes nearly every woman wider in the rib cage! (and even at 5'9" a 10lb+ baby takes up lots of room... *grin*).
There was a show on last year at Valentine's Day about lingerie - it was very interesting. Pretty much, you uses sizes to find bras that might fit. Then you put them on. When they are on and they fit right - there are no bulges around the rib cage or spillage over the sides. I bet they show it again this coming February. I'll have to watch for it and post.
And just like other clothes - one style will fit in one size... another style in a different size... some will look great and others will look awful. I just can't wear most of the flimsy bras - I find them itchy and uncomfortable. LOL.
The worst thing about 38B.... I can NEVER find more than one single bra in any store I visit. Makes it difficult to buy new ones. For some weird reason this size just isn't stocked well. Even Victoria's Secret doesn't have them - it ticks me off because that's their business!!! *sigh*
Posted by: Teresa at December 3, 2005 06:45 PMA $40 bra? Can you imagine?!
So if I'm officially measured by a "specialist," maybe I'll finally be a B?
I wonder if you have to be a woman to work at VS. What man wouldn't want the job of "bra specialist??"
Posted by: Marie at December 4, 2005 08:48 AMOK... you've inspired a post... what can I say!!??
Posted by: Marie at December 4, 2005 10:41 AMWhy are so many people so down on VS? I love them and it's the only place I buy bra's.
Although now a days the stores don't carry my size so I have to do the internet thing.
I am almost afraid to get measured, I will probably end up with a triple D or something like that.
Posted by: Machelle at December 5, 2005 08:53 AMYou know, I had forgotten about the pencil test until you mentioned it. Just for old times sake, I decided to try it out.I guess if you forget to take the pencils out of the package and can hold the whole damn thing in place, it's not only time for underwire but quite possibly an anti gravity device.
Posted by: raging mom at December 5, 2005 12:50 PMTeresa,
You and my Mrs. are in the same boat. I'd have had a VS credit card a long time ago if only they consistently had 38 B's in stock.
Well, at least you can still shop a the evil pink hell hole.
They don't carry bras my size. I have to go to specialty shops most of the time. It's very common for me to have to spend $40 on a bra just to get one to fit. Sometimes I can get them at the mall stores, but they're hard to find.
I would love to be a 36C! Mine, at either a 38 or 40DDD (yeah.. triple D) are just too big. I end up having to buy XL tops to get them to fit my chest, and even then a lot won't go around.
When Pamela Anderson announced she was going back to her normal size, I knew why. Guys may like big boobs, but they frikkin' suck if you're the woman with them.
Posted by: AFSister at December 8, 2005 12:20 PM