Boudicca's Voice

A Blessing Fully Realized

Remember my post on what I'd really like to say on a Performance Appraisal, HERE? Well... this is part two, because on Friday... I had my Performance Review.

My Boss, who I will now call Bossman, came over and said our big Boss, who I will now call Big Guy, wanted to have my Review with me and the conversation went something like this:

Bossman: Are you available today? We want to have a Performance Review with you today in between Big Guy's meetings.

Me: You're kidding right? We have to sit down like we did at Company X? We have to do a Performance Review? Look. I'm happy, you're happy, we're all happy. Let's just don't... and say we did.

Bossman (who by the way is a real peach): Nope. Today.

Me: Fine. Can't we do this next week?

Bossman: No. Big Guy is out of town next week and HE wants to do this today. Quit resisting. You'll be happy.

With that, he winked and walked away.

Now then, I am very appreciative of kind words. I am. But really, I do not need to do this whole Performance Appraisal thing. I don't need to get all touchy feely and talk about what I've done. For the record, I've NEVER gotten a bad review. I just find the whole thing so damn awkward. I think it should go like this:

Bossman: I'm happy. Here are my goals for you.
Employee: I'm happy too.
Bossman: Good. Your raise is in your next paycheck.

Except in the case of my company, which does not give raises. I work for a small company, very small, and we do outsourcing for major government contractors. We can do it cheaper than the big guys for myriad reasons like... most of us are part time and don't have benefits. But we have to keep costs down, so we also tend to earn less than at the big companies. And we don't get raises.

So the time came and Bossman and Big Guy hauled me into a conference room. I felt this urge to flee. Fight or flight I suppose, and I'd already tried fighting it.

And so we sat and they gave me my review, scaled from a range from 1-5, 1 being GREAT and 5 being, "You suck wet socks". I expected all 3s. Average. I've been there a year and am just now getting a handle on some of the systems. (10 -15 hours a week can make the learning curve take longer than I like...)

I got all 1's and 2's. I read and reread and then really didn't know what to say... as it rated me as a valued employee and it appeared they expected me to be at the top next year for what I do.

And then... they... gave... me... a... raise. I nearly fell out of my chair. It wasn't big, it was pretty much a cost of living plus a little, but still. I couldn't thank them enough.

And then... they... gave... me... a... lump sum bonus of an OBSCENE amount of money for what I do. I mean... it paid for my Christmas.

I was stunned and speechless. Finally I said, "Wait. Let me get this right. I can work 10-15 hours a week, come and go as I please, tell you I'm going to work on Tuesdays and Wednesdays, but call you when a kid is sick and not come in and work on a Friday instead. I leave early one day because my house is infested with fire ants or my air conditioner broke, and work a different day then the day we had planned... and you give me a raise? AND a LUMP SUM BONUS?!!"

Bossman said, "Bou, these are the terms we hired you under. Your family comes first. You run a household. You said 10-15, which is what you consistently put in. These were YOUR terms."

And I replied, "Yes. But you DIDN'T change the rules! Everyone changes the rules. And you didn't..."

And I think that is what has surprised me the most, the part that makes me pinch myself... the fact they never changed the rules.

Then they gave me a raise.

And Christmas money.

And although there are days my job is mundane and I think I might surely die of boredom for engineering can be sheer monotony punctuated by spurts of intellectual challenge, and although there are times I get aggravated with my customer, the men I work for, my Tech Lead, Bossman, and Big Guy, are the best. I have truly been blessed by falling into their path.

The people make the job. For sure.

Posted by Boudicca at December 5, 2005 10:43 PM | TrackBack