I have to tell you, my Man is a good guy. He’s a good father, a good husband, he’s handy, he’s just a good guy. And he can be goofy as all get out, something most don’t see, just those close, and it cracks me up. (Oh and he's very handsome.) But the poor man… he suffers from an affliction. My Man suffers from ‘decision paralysis’. He cannot make a decision. He can make himself sick over minutia. His entire family suffers from this. I’m the one that brought it to their attention.
I was speaking to one of his elder sisters, venting I should add, and I said something along the lines of, “I love your brother to pieces, I do, I do, I do, but he makes me NUTS with his vast inability to make a decision. He frets over the smallest thing… as if he might make the WRONG decision and the world will come crashing down.”
Her response was of shock and then, “He’s like this too?! It’s NOT just me?!” The entire family. Sad, truly it is.
And if I could help him with anything that would come his way, eliminating this curse for him would be my gift to him. It pains me to see him suffer so. I joke not.
(And before anyone thinks I am claiming to be perfect, trust me, I am a hugely flawed person. HUGE. BIG. Gigantically flawed. This is just a little idiosyncrasy with him as far as I see… one that is as endearing as it is sometimes frustrating.)
For instance, he starts thinking about what car he wants after the one he is driving starts to have issues… about 2 years out. We have to get a new truck in April and he’s been thinking about it for 18 months. Research and more research, and MORE research is made. He speaks to people about the cars they own, he talks to mechanics, he reads every single car magazine, which is actually not a stretch as he’s a motor head, but we’re talking some serious RESEARCH.
This is how I pick a car: gas mileage, reliability, and fits everyone. I don’t give a crap what color or what it looks like. I… just… don’t.
But the worst case of his indecisiveness was made clear recently. My Man was out of deodorant and as I was running to the grocery store he asked that I add it to the list and the following conversation ensued, to the best of my recollection:
My Man: Do you know what kind to get?
Me: Yeah. We’ve been married for 14 years. Speed Stick.
My Man: Yeah, but do you KNOW what KIND?
Me: Yeah. I’ve seen it. Quit worrying.
And I walked out the door, returning an hour later, Speed Stick in hand.
A day later…
My Man: You know that deodorant you bought me? How did you choose?
Me: Well, you had blue or green, so I went to the Speed Stick section and found they had lots of different scented blues or greens, but I figured it was no biggy, so I just picked one and threw it in my cart. Why? Does it smell bad?
My Man (stunned and somewhat quiet at first): Really? That’s all you did? I’m going to have you start buying it. It’s got a good scent. When I go, I sit in front of all the deodorants and smell them all and then spend 10 minutes trying to figure out which one smells best…
Holy crap. I felt so bad for him. Really. Over deodorant? If I had known this, I would have started buying it 14 years ago!
So for Christmas, he asked for a new electric razor. We’re doing the practical Christmas this year as we’ve just had a lot going on. (I tried to forgo gift giving between the two of us altogether, but he would not hear of it. I asked for a book light.) He’s used the same Norelco for the last 20 years. And let me tell you, he has USED it. I’m married to an Italian. We don’t do 5 O’clock ‘shadow’ here. We do 5 O’clock ‘beard’. When we have a function at night, he has to shave before we go… twice in one day is not uncommon.
I’m basically married to a frickin’ Chia pet. One minute he is clean shaven and the next minute “POOF!” he’s fully sprouted. But I like it. He is very hairy and I like it… very much.
Off to Target I went. Walking down the aisle I found Braun and thought, “Crap. I hope they even carry Norelco…”, but then… I found… Norelco.
At first it seemed easy. At eye level there was one for 20 bucks, plug in, didn’t recharge, I don’t think. Then for 40, it recharged. And then for a few more bucks… you could rinse it under water to clean it. (Big bonus as he still has to shake his current one to clean it.) And there are some you can shave with… IN THE SHOWER! And then there are some you add some gel to… shaving gel. And then I had to think, ‘Does he use shaving gel?’
Hey, it could happen that I would not notice. I don’t always pick up on everything…
Then you had one that had the shaving gel packs INSIDE the razor and some of them came with EXTRA gel packs.
And on and on it went with every possible combination and permutation of men’s electric razors you could think of… going all the way up to the Big Daddy of them all… with its own case and hair trimmer in the back… and on and on and on.
So… I picked one. I looked at all the features, trying to think back to the features his has, and I picked the one the most similar. It took me… about 2 minutes after I got over the shock of the electric razor market and how frickin’ HUGE it really is. I mean, according to this one aisle, I have to ask, does any man out there use an old fashioned razor? The kind where you buy shaving cream, lather up and cut all the whiskers off, rinsing the razor in a sink full of water? Like in the commercials? If so, you couldn’t tell it by the men’s electric shaver aisle. Holy smokes!
Anyway, but then I thought, “Good God. I am so glad I’m buying this for him for Christmas! If My Man had to come pick out his own electric razor… it would have taken MONTHS.” He would have made himself sick over it… really.
I'm thinking that maybe this whole decision making skill thing I have makes me pretty valuable in this relationship...
Yep. I am one of those men who do it the old fashioned way. I never found an electric that did it as well as a blade. And now that I'm retired and don't give a damn, I only shave three times a week. When you're old you're not crazy, you're eccentric.
Posted by: Denny at December 9, 2005 11:05 PMOh dear lord, we married the same kind of man! His indecision drives me bonkers sometimes. Othertimes it is truly cute, but when I have to stand in the toothpaste aisle with him for 15 minutes . . . I'd rather pull my eyes out with an ice pick!
Posted by: oddybobo at December 9, 2005 11:10 PMRazor? RAZOR? Who would shave off a good beard if he didn't have to? And if you need to trim around it, well, that's why our great grand dads invented the straight razor.
Posted by: TGOO at December 9, 2005 11:25 PMMug, brush, 3-blade Gillette Sensor.
I've never gotten a close shave with an electric, although electro-shave technology has - I'm sure - advanced considerably since the last time I tried one, so maybe I need to try again.
Posted by: Harvey at December 10, 2005 09:35 AMMost days I cheat with an electric (this wolf is not hairy), but about once a week or when I have an important meeting, out comes my favorite brush, soap container, and the Mach 3. I have a straight razor, but don't use it too often.
Posted by: Laughing Wolf at December 10, 2005 10:04 AMOh. My. God.
Hi Bou. DixieDarlin' (my beautiful wife) has talked frequently about your blog posts as well as your coincidental experiences... While I don't do much blog surfing anymore (especially since FrankJ found his T-Shirt Babe and hence, True Love® - gag!), I do occasionally look over Dixie's shoulder or pick up a glimpse of a page she's left on the monitor.
However, I couldn't believe what I was reading when I saw this post. I'm one of *them*... No, I'm not the least bit Italian (Polish, actually), but I'm definitely part of the recessive decision-gene crowd.
I don't have a problem selecting toothpaste (so long as they're not out of my regular brand, in which case it's easier to leave the store and pick it up elsewhere), but I'll spend 10-15 minutes comparing toothbrushes. Deodorant (NEVER antiperspirant) is another 10 minutes (and even then only because the deodorant-only selection is no more than 1/5 the A-D selection, thus narrowing the field).
But just ask Dixie - she WON'T go shoe-shopping with me! Sure, I have dress-shoes to match suits and what-not, but to find a good pair of workboots, casual shoes or tennies... I might search nearly a dozen shoe stores in two malls for ONE pair of durable, attractive and comfortable, QUALITY footwear.
Do I *enjoy* shoe shopping? Actually, it drives me nuts. I think it's almost more frustrating for me than for Dixie - at least she can escape the ordeal. They're my feet. I'm stuck doing it. Worst of all, I'll usually suffer 'buyer's-remorse' for a day or two after I finally decide on a pair. But to think of purchasing an appliance, vehicle, or God forbid, another HOUSE... Ack!!
Oh, and on the razor thing: In 40 years, I've only had two electrics - a Norelco (which tried to eat my face - an Epi-Lady would have been only slightly less pleasant) and a Braun fandango-model with the cordless-use-in-the-shower-with-shaving-gel-insert nonsense. I'm back to my can of Colgate (menthol if it can be found) and a Gilette Sensor II to do the job right. Of course it's "Winter Beard" time now - no matter that it is still almost 70°F on the Alabama coast. (Brrr!)
...Which of course begs this Peeve-related Yankee-spotting tidbit for the Southern-Grace Impaired: Gulf Coast natives DO NOT wear shorts and T-shirts in December-January!
Posted by: Rubber(Red)neck at December 11, 2005 02:04 AM(Of course, it took hubby about two hours to write his comment, dithering back and forth over what to write and how to express it, but it was still quicker than his shopping for shoes!!!)
I love you, sweetheart!!
Posted by: DixieDarlin' at December 11, 2005 02:09 AMLOL at the Chia Hubby! My hubby does the Harvey way - cup & brush... Every now & then I buy him a new round soap thingy and he's happy as a clam.
I do pretty quick decisions too -- funny, some things take my hubby a looong time to decide too. I'm with you on car color -- who gives a flip.
Posted by: Marie at December 11, 2005 10:18 AMI have to go both ways. Electric trimmer to keep the beard and mustache in line (not fuzzy, very short), and shaving cream and razor to shave the places I don't want the beard (cheeks and neck).
It takes MORE maintenance than not having a beard, contrary to popular belief!
Posted by: Jack at December 11, 2005 10:32 AMRubber(red)neck- Holy crap. The tennis shoe thing. I can't go with him. He tries to stick to the exact same shoe, but God forbid should they discontinue that shoe. It's awful. Really.
And I do feel bad as I know it makes him nuts, all of it, but there is no escape. The whole buyers remorse... oh we've so been there.
We know others that truly have it worse. Tortured souls, they are. Really bad.
Posted by: Bou at December 11, 2005 10:47 AMI'm lazy -- that's why I use the electric razor. No, it doesn't do as good a job as a blade, but it's just easier and much less messy.
Posted by: Ogre at December 12, 2005 07:37 AMI do the whole research car thingy myself and I lease.
Which means every 2 years I get a new car and go through the whole research thingy again.
Looks are very important for this gal.
Posted by: Machelle at December 12, 2005 10:41 AMOh and my hubby has decision defict disorder also.
He can not chose where to eat for dinner, I always end up having to make the decision.
You should see him trying to choose doggie treats for the dogs. Christ almighty it takes us 1/2 hour to get new doggie treats. He has to read labels and compare and see which ones have the least amount of fat.
Posted by: Machelle at December 12, 2005 10:45 AMFoam and double-edge razor.
I used to be a mug and brush man, but it takes too long when you are not awake.
I've got a low cost electric, but I only use that when I need a close shave for the first shave. The top of the line Norelco runs close to $200 and I can't see its value. Even Norelco doesn't make shavers like Norelco used to.
Posted by: The Thomas at December 12, 2005 12:47 PMAllow me to correct and extend my comments.
If I need a close shave, I shave first with the electric and then do the close shave with a real razor.
Posted by: The Thomas at December 12, 2005 12:52 PMShaving? Razor? But yeh, I do some of that stuff. Beard good. Shaving bad. But still, I do shave some parts of my face. Sooo... Shower, soap, razor (whatever disposables I happened to buy last--who cares? I used to use a straight razor). Done. Use the same razor to trim my hair. Or not (have clippers for that and the beard).
Shopping? No. Hunting. Have list, will travel, get game, return victorious, beat chest. Ugh.
Posted by: David at December 12, 2005 10:09 PM