Boudicca's Voice

Turning Out the Lights

So I go dark tomorrow. I know many are wondering why I say this will not be a blog fodder ridden weekend. Hey, I could be wrong. It could be a laugh a minute and I could come back in the wee hours of the morning, sore from having laughed so hard, barely able to control the urge to blog.

It could happen.

But probably won’t.

I remember the first year I worked our Carnival, complete with rides, funnel cakes… and carnies. I was required to work the Kindergarten booth as all parents are required to work. They built the booths on our grounds and I do believe hay or something was laid down before the wooden fencing was posted. I came home that night, and stood in the steamy hot shower, scrubbing my flesh until it was pink and my sinuses drained black.

Nice visual.

I remember thinking, “If this is in my sinuses, what in the hell did I breathe? What’s in my lungs?” And being prone to lingering respiratory infections, I counted myself lucky I didn’t get sick. Every year following was not much better.

So last year, being the School Treasurer, brought new responsibility to me, responsibility in learning the inner workings of our fundraiser. I am perfectly capable of handling it, actually more than capable, but I find it stressful.

See, unlike the kids and average parent that are wowed by the fun lights and the loud music and the general goings on of this carnival, I spend a good portion of my time watching the rides and wondering about their structural integrity. I wonder how many times they’ve been taken apart and put back together. When the last time they’ve been inspected. Wondering where the stress points might be for some high cycle fatique as these rides go whirling and the kids are screaming.

It makes me nuts.

I know I’m not the only one. A couple years ago I stood at the base of the Ferris Wheel with an engineer I used to work with at Company X. He and I stood at the base, as our kids rode to the top, and went through support by support talking about the various stresses this Ferris Wheel endures and finally I said, “I can’t stand here with you anymore. I’m bad enough on my own. I’m gonna have flippin’ breakdown…” and I walked away. It’s a joke with us now.

But it all makes me nuts.

And the carnies. I wonder what has gone on in their lives that they have chosen this. Or did it choose them as they could find nothing else? Some look like they just came out of detox while others look like they need a visit. Most are losing teeth and almost all look like they need a good bath. Or two. Or three. Sometimes I sense a great sadness among them that is more than I can bear. Not all of them. Just some. I’ve spoken to a few, I try to always be kind, and some I can tell have low intelligence and I wonder if they were born that way or if it is the after effect of a bad drug binge.

The kids go nuts of course. They feel like they’re safe as they’re on school campus. But they aren’t. Children tugging from the parents and wanting to run rampant and do their thing with their friends. Most of us watch our kids like a hawk. Every now and then, however, I see kids unattended and I find myself shaking my head at the naivete of the parents. With so many strangers, so much activity, so much light, motion and noise, vigilance should be on the uppermost part of everyone’s mind. But it is not.

I am typically able to see both sides of every situation, both the light and the dark. I prefer to focus on the light, but just be very aware of the dark. But this carnival, it puts me in a dark place. It is too fraught with stress for me to truly enjoy and now that I’m at the center of the arena, an integral part in keeping it running, I look at it as just something to get through.

I can do anything for three days.

And the light side of this? It’s for the kids. They love it. It keeps our school running. We have a new Carnival company where the rides seem very well maintained, they’re clean and the carnival workers seem a better than in the past. Much better.

So I’m focusing on the positive.

Feel free to pray for blog fodder. I am.

Posted by Boudicca at January 26, 2006 10:04 PM | TrackBack