February 16, 2006

Adventures in a Bathroom Stall

Every week, VW, her sons, Tater (age 3) and Tot (age 2), and I go for breakfast. This week we met at a local greasy spoon across from my place of work so we could eat and I could then make my way across to my paying job. (We usually go on one of my days off.)

She blogged on part of the funny story HERE. It’s a story of my taking Tater to the restroom. Good stuff… the stuff memories are made of. (You should read hers before you come read mine for it to make sense.)

I had forgotten what it was like to take small children to the restroom. There are no social graces like not talking about certain things or even speaking more softly. Anything goes. They’ll talk as loud as they do outside (bathroom acoustics are GREAT to the little people) and any topic that hits their little mind will come out whilst in that stall.

For the longest time, if I took one of my sons to the restroom, I dared not use it as well for as sure as shootin’, a child would comment on what kind of underwear I was wearing. And it was not in an inside quiet whispered, “look mom….”. Oh no, my friends, it was a loud, “MOM!!! LOOK! YOU’RE WEARING BLUE STRIPED UNDIES TODAY!!!” Gasp! It always happened.

You’d think I’d learn after the first time. But no, it was the second, the month of December and a very loud, “MOM!!!! LOOK! YOU’RE WEARING CHRISTMAS UNDIES! THEY HAVE CANDY CANES ALL OVER THEM!”

Love that. Loooooove that.

So I learned a permanent lesson.

But I had forgotten how ‘loud’ children can be in the restroom and how they will absolutely talk about anything…. Until… yesterday when I took Tater for VW.

We get in the stall and he says he won't use it unless I wipe off the seat. OK, that's cool.

Then he says to me, “First I have to pee, then I can poop. This is how my Mommy says it goes.” So I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Okey doke. Have at it.” And he did.

We are evidently the child of two engineers as everything appears to be very sequential!

Next he says, “Now you have to take off my pants…” Ack! This is a SMALL stall. There is no way in hell I was going to take off this little man’s pants, which means his shoes would have to come off too. The bathroom was cleaner than most, but it was still a public restroom! And this is the same little person who asked me to clean the seat before he stood to pee! I was cracking up!

So taking a deep breath, I said, “Tater, we’re gonna keep the pants on today, little buddy. Work with me here…” and he was cool.

And as VW says over at her post (if you haven’t read it, you really need to), I stood there and stood there and stood there… and nothing was happening. So I said, “Tater, are you sure you really have to go?” and he tells me, “Sometimes we just have to wait for the poop” at which point I am trying not to laugh.

And at that point he looks down at his little body and obviously some thought passed through his little mind and he says, “My Dad…*pause*”

Good Lord! I did not want to have any conversation with this little man about any part of his Dad, whether it be body parts or bathroom functions! Oh no no no no no, I would be damaged. I know this man! He’s married to one of my best friends!

So quickly I said, “Hey! I know your Dad! He’s at work today, isn’t he?” and it was the whole ‘distraction with bright shiny object’ thing as he said, “Yup. He goes to work every day…” and the discussion continued in that direction.

Holy crap. I nearly died. You just never know what the little people are going to say.

Posted by Boudicca at February 16, 2006 11:25 PM | TrackBack

LMAO! I know he would have talked about the pen-is... I just know it. Darn... that would have been really funny. ;-) Next time I must remember to ask you about the 'whole' conversation. GRIN

And yes, he has to pee first because when he was younger he would sit down and pee first... and it would go straight over to the wall... he refused to push it down. Sigh.

Posted by: vw bug at February 17, 2006 06:57 AM

Well, that one is better than MY son pretending to hump the wall in the bathroom at school the other day. Sigh.

Posted by: Kelly at February 17, 2006 08:20 AM

I laughed. At both yours and Tater's mom's descriptions of the whole thing.

And I'll admit I don't remember any discussions like this. But I also had two boys one year apart, so they generally went with each other to the bathroom. And I do remember the time they scooted around on the floor and locked every door in the bathroom. And then came out.

Posted by: Suzi at February 17, 2006 09:47 AM

I'm just jealous of the once-a-week breakfasts. :(

Posted by: Ogre at February 17, 2006 10:02 AM

The title of this post will get you google hits for sure!!!!

Posted by: Amy at February 17, 2006 01:20 PM

I did the same thing as Suzi's kids once. I think I was 8. And pissed off because the restaurant was out of what I wanted to eat... Took them 45 minutes to figure out what was wrong...

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 17, 2006 02:33 PM

I just purchased Mr. Smoochy's training potty today. I may have to rethink this whole thing now. Um, do diapers come in size 10? :-)

Posted by: pfb at February 17, 2006 03:26 PM

“First I have to pee, then I can poop. This is how my Mommy says it goes.”


I want to come to Florida so that I can go to breakfast with you guys!!

Very funny stuff. So much to look forward to once the little guy's out of diapers here...

Posted by: Marie at February 17, 2006 03:33 PM

I'm scarred.

For life.

Posted by: _Jon at February 17, 2006 04:46 PM

I'm laughing out loud reading this. My Castaway Conner makes me undress him completely before going poop, even in the restaurant bathrooms.

Posted by: Sgt Hook at February 17, 2006 07:53 PM

Ain't it the truth! My boy is almost beyond the age of needing supervision. I'm so glad we're outta diapers and they are pretty darn independent!

"Daddy? You're hairy."

Posted by: GaMongrel at February 18, 2006 08:06 AM

Ok, I didn't think VW's rendition could get any funnier, but the part about "My Dad . . ." - - LMAO now.

Posted by: Anita at February 18, 2006 10:17 AM

You mean it's not normal to take off your pants when poopin'? *blush*

Posted by: Morrigan at February 18, 2006 03:21 PM

I'm just imagining how he would have finished that sentence! HA!

Posted by: Oddybobo at February 19, 2006 08:30 PM