April 15, 2006

Running Forever Through my Mind

Who knows why I pick the music I run to. I know I run best to angry music. Angst will drive me. Typically I will find something, somewhere in a song that I identify with. That will drive me.

I can put a song on repeat over and over and run to the same song for 30 minutes.

Some of the stuff I’ve listened to in the past has most definitely been songs full of self loathing, but I don’t run to that anymore.

It all depends on the mood. And the beat… of course. It has to have a good beat or I can’t do it. And sometimes, it is the lyrics and how the song writer played with the words that keeps me listening to it.

So lately there has been a song on the radio that I continually crank. (I listen to mainly alternative music.) I have no clue why it’s caught me, but it has, and I am probably going to download it into my iPod. Every time I hear it I think, “I could run to this song for the full 30 minutes”.

It’s called Hate Me By Blue October. And no… I’ve never done drugs. And I’m not in a recovery program. I just can’t get this song out of my head. It most definitely has something to do with the cadence of his voice when he sings it…

I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put in my face?
And will you never try to reach me? it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things i didn't do for you

I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling “make it go away!”
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered “how can you do this to me?”

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you

Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you

Posted by Boudicca at April 15, 2006 03:44 PM | TrackBack
Comments

LOVE this song.

Posted by: Morrigan at April 15, 2006 09:47 PM

http://alltheweb.com/search?q=%22never+cross+your+mind%22+%22held+your+face+in+my+hand%22

Posted by: Lori Zapata at May 25, 2006 11:37 AM