April 15, 2006

Waxing Not So Poetic on Chocolate Bunnies

Yesterday I went to my favorite chocolate store to pick up the chocolate bunnies for the boys. It has become a tradition for me now to buy their bunnies from there, as opposed to the supermarket bunnies. I buy the rest of their candy from the supermarket, but their main bunny? Hoffman’s Chocolates in Palm Beach Gardens, Florida.

And when I walked in, two things hit me.

First, I realized I needed to brace myself for the inevitable phone calls that will begin… next week. They will come from my blog daughter VW, who will go through Hoffman’s and notice their chocolate bunnies (dark chocolate is my fave) are on sale and she will leave messages like this on my cell, without identifying herself by the way, which is not needed because a) we talk 4X a day and b) only SHE calls me with calls like this:

“Bou, I’m at Hoffman’s. Their chocolate bunnies are on sale at 50% off…”

Or 10 days later…

“Bou, your favorite dark chocolate bunnies are now 75% off. They’re located next to the register in a big wicker basket…”

Folks, calling me to tell me my chocolate is on sale, let alone my favorite chocolate, is like calling a drug addict and telling them they’re having a blow out crack special on the corner of Blue Heron Blvd and Dixie Highway. I start frothing and twitching. It takes enormous will power to NOT go.

And how do I know I will get such a call? Beeeecauuuuse, I got a couple like this after LAST Easter and I got a FEW like this after Valentine’s Day! Ack!

Last Easter I succumbed. This Valentine’s Day… I did not. We shall see how this Easter goes… GRRRR.

OK, so the second thing that hit me was that there are some truly truly sick folks out there. There are folks that have chocolate addictions that make mine look like a yearly snack.

As I was standing in line to buy my Easter goodies, I looked to my right and there stood a… TWENTY FOUR INCH chocolate bunny. Actually… three of them. One in Milk, one in Dark and one in White.

Lovely. Two foot chocolate bunnies. The tag was $150. I looked on line to see if there was a picture at their site, but alas, there was not.

But as I was looking at the tag, you know, that whole train wreck thing, I noticed that they also had a THIRTY SIX INCH chocolate bunny, for a mere $250!! (Or so… I know it was over $200.)

Holy crap. Look, I love chocolate. I can talk to you about chocolate the way wine tasters talk about wine. I love it… the taste, the texture, the smell. But I have never, in my life, thought, “Damn. My Easter basket would be complete if that chocolate bunny were just a wee bit bigger. I need me a 2 foot or 3 foot bunny to satisfy my inner chocolate craving.”


First, I always eat the ears right off the bat. The ears on that sucker were huge. You can’t eat those ears in one sitting. Besides, you can’t hold it in your hand and gnaw it off! You’d have to stand over it, bend down and gnaw off the ears.

That’s just so… not traditional. I’m all about Easter chocolate bunny tradition.

As is taking a knife to one’s bunny. No. Only teeth. No knives. It’s all about tradition. You don’t let your kids handle knives when they eat their bunnies, do you? No. Then as adults you use your teeth too.

Second, I then eat the tail. And that would mean I’d have to… what? Lie on the floor to nibble the tail? I don’t lie on the floor to each chocolate. That bunny is supposed to be in my hands when I flip it upside down to bite its butt. Period.

And third, after the ears and tail… and any other appendages or accessories I choose to eat next, like the basket it may be carrying… that would leave a whole heapin’ lot of chocolate torso to eat and the thought of that much chocolate is even revolting to me.

There really is a such thing as ‘too much of a good thing’.

I’ll stick with the regular sized chocolate bunny thank you. Well, except for this year. I bought myself a 2 oz bunny to nibble instead. With my rosacea problems, I thought a small one was sufficient.

And as I checked out at the register where I noticed a sign that said, “Purchase must be more than $10 to use your credit card” and I realized I’ve never had to worry that my total didn’t meet the $10 minimum purchase, I said to the woman helping me, “You do realize, that those chocolate bunnies are just begging for the question to be asked, ‘have you sold any?’.” And her reply was, “Yes… a few. Not as many as you would think…”

I actually didn’t expect any to be sold, but considering this is Palm Beach County… I should not have been surprised.

Bigger is not better folks. Oh…no…it…is…not. Blech.

Posted by Boudicca at April 15, 2006 08:06 PM | TrackBack

At first when I read the title I thought you got waxed today. I thought what a coincidence...me too. But alas, it was about chocolate bunnies more than waxing.
Next week maybe we can go by there so I can get a dark chocolate bunny. And if you need a waxing...we can make time for that too. ;-)

Posted by: Morrigan at April 15, 2006 09:45 PM

You're a woman after my own heart. You understand the bunny addiction. And you probably understand the Bunny Song: http://jwiley.typepad.com/back_home_again/2006/04/in_your_easter_.html

Have a good time bitin' off some ears!

Posted by: Jerry at April 15, 2006 10:01 PM

.. funnily enough, you eat your bunny exactly like my cat eats his real bunnies... head and ears first.... then the butt... then the torso.... I only bring this up because, in the spirit of Easter, he caught a baby one yesterday....

Posted by: Eric at April 16, 2006 06:04 AM

Mmmm... Chocolate. Dark chocolate is my fave, too. Alas, I have found no bunny for me. Brenna will enjoy her first chocolate bunny this year. Hollow & cheap as I am sure much of it will end up on her.

Posted by: Jody Halsted at April 16, 2006 06:27 AM

Mo- Consider Hoffman's on our list for Friday. I'll skip the waxing this week although it is on my list of things to do. Summer and all... ;-)

Jerry- I have a post coming on that with a link to you!

Eric- I don't know what to say. Great minds think alike? (me and your cat) Or art imitates real life? (The art of eating a chocolate bunny...) or I'm like a cat? (Hmmm.)

Jody- We did the cheap bunnies when they were small too.

Posted by: Bou at April 16, 2006 08:34 AM

LMAO!!! I was thinking about stopping on Monday and calling you! hahahahaha.

Posted by: vw bug at April 16, 2006 11:25 AM

hey, bou! [holy cow, i haven't been here in *ages* ... *chagrined look*]

totally agree on the chocolate. i love it to death, especially dark chocolate, but too much of it... i don't want to be sick of it forever after. moderation, that's the key.

: )

Posted by: amelie at April 16, 2006 11:26 AM

But you know that Dark Chocolate 2 foot bunny after easter would only be $38 (75% off).

That is a steal!

I mean come on, you have to get it.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 16, 2006 11:56 AM

I confess... Our bunny is on the chopping block as I write. Next to the knife. Before I cut into him, my hubby mentioned ears first, and I figured "no duh." Then he said to cut the head too, as he thinks taking just the ears is cruel.

Time for another little taste... mmmmm!

Posted by: Marie at April 16, 2006 07:45 PM

I can't believe it, my co-worker just bought a car for $70007. Isn't that crazy!

Posted by: Betsy Markum at May 23, 2006 07:48 AM