April 19, 2006

The Flakey Flautist

I have been playing in a flute duo off and on for about 18 months. The band instructor at our school and I sometimes play together during band concerts, just for one or two pieces. In my mind, it shows the kids that it is a life long skill, in particular as they all know I am not a musician.

This year another Mom has joined us, making it a trio. Her daughter is new to band, so the idea had been thrown around starting at the beginning of the school year, and today was the first time our schedules meshed so we could practice… our first trio performance shall be next week.

Now I’m not a spotlight kinda gal. I prefer to blend. The band instructor always asked me to play 1st chair and I have for the most part been fine, although I’ve always been fine playing 2nd preferring it actually.

This time, when he called to schedule, I said emphatically, “I’m playing 3rd chair.” There was no doubt. If they had said otherwise, I would have gladly said, “I can’t do this then.” I don’t want to be responsible for the melody with a group of people.

Truth be told, I’m not looking forward to this at all. I was not before, but now that I’ve met the other Mom, I’m absolutely dreading it.

I cannot stand her. She makes my skin crawl. She makes me want to run. She makes me back away from her… trying to keep a distance. I am glad I’m 3rd chair as she’s a “ME! ME! ME!” kind of gal who has to be in the spotlight, so 3rd chair puts a person between us… as obviously she ONLY will play 1st.

Which I’m fine with… as long as it’s not me. I just want to blend. Let me play harmony.

Let me get this over with. And by the end of our practice, I actually said that to them. I said to them bluntly, “I am not looking forward to this. I just want to get it over with.”

And her chipper spazzed out, “Happy Happy Joy Joy Life is Wonderful” self was hopping around in her high energy state saying, “Oh! Why?! I LOVE THIS! I have been looking forward to this for SOOOOOO long…”


It’s the incessant hyperactive energy that makes me frickin’ nuts. She makes Bones look like slo-mo. By the end, I wanted to grab her around the neck, shake her, and scream, “STOP F***ING MOVING!”

Her foot. Her head. Her hands. Her WHOLE BODY. Oh my God. It was making me nuts, but it was perfectly awful when we stood to play.

Throughout practice the band instructor and I stood side by side while she sat. But the last piece, we had to share, so the three of us stood at his music stand. I think she nearly pirouetted whilst playing.

She was up on her toes, bouncing, flat footed, back and forth… on and on… it was the most annoying distraction I have ever witnessed. I nearly burned a hole through the music trying to ignore her. Thankfully my music consisted of whole note upon whole note of low G. No thinking.

At the end, the band instructor laughed at her (I wanted to slap her) and said, “Wow! You’re so high energy! You move all the time!” and she said breathlessly, “I know! I’m bipolar and I’m always moving!!!! I cannot help it!!!”, as she continued to move in place.

Is this true? I have friends who are bi-polar and they aren't like this.

So now I’m even more thankful as I'm not in her skin because if she’s this annoying in person, I’d shoot myself if I lived in her skin. Holy crap.

We have one more practice and one performance and I’m done. I told the band instructor this afternoon when I saw him, “We MUST SIT during our performance. It IS NOT an option to stand…”

I hope I make it through this without bitch slapping her. GRRRR.

Posted by Boudicca at April 19, 2006 09:15 PM | TrackBack

Oh dear, she sounds like the kind that needs a good slap but only because she is too perky. I hate perky. But, now that I think about it, I'm high energy too, does that mean I will totally annoy the crap out of you? *snicker*

Posted by: oddybobo at April 19, 2006 09:31 PM

Holy crap! it sounds like you have the Angus Young (AC/DC lead guitarist) of flautists. Does she wear little shorts, a blazer, and a funny cap?

Posted by: Denny at April 19, 2006 09:38 PM

oh man..... I am so glad I'm not you!

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 19, 2006 10:23 PM

Those are the type of people that I always threaten to shoot in the head with a nailgun. Perky people should not be allowed to exist, at least in my presence.

Posted by: Jerry at April 19, 2006 11:27 PM


No, low slung pants, tight mid riff t-shirts, bandana in the hair, and a tattoo on her back.

We are so way beyond perky with her. Blech. Just the thought of it makes me cringe. Holy crap.

Posted by: Bou at April 20, 2006 06:28 AM

You know- my blogdau is bi-polar. Makes for an interesting relationship, I'll say that much.

Some days she's fine, others, not-so-much. And it's not so much her hyperactivity- she's not really hyper...just.....moving.... a lot. Thinking quick, jumping from one idea to another.

I love her to death, but just as with anyone you didn't marry- you got to have away time.

Fot you- maybe you should slip her a lithium and see if that helps.... :)

Posted by: Rave at April 20, 2006 07:12 AM

I know some people like that. The only way to shut them up is to tape their mouth but then it would just build up and blow the top of their head off. Murder, your honor, he used duct tape as a weapon...

Posted by: GUYK at April 20, 2006 07:32 AM

Her child will be a cheerleader. A scary cheerleader.

Posted by: Ogre at April 20, 2006 09:33 AM

Austin ... flute ... you ... Perfect.

You get to sit first chair.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at April 20, 2006 12:48 PM

Sounds like she's in a manic phase right now. Just hope she doesn't hit a depressive phase right before performing or it may be you and the band instructor doing a duet again. Also, she's likely not taking her meds because right now she feels so "good"... sorry you have to deal with that. What a pain.

Posted by: Teresa at April 20, 2006 03:24 PM