Boudicca's Voice

I Don't REALLY Want to Know

THIS post over at Jim of Parkway Rest Stop’s reminded me of a story. His post has a quiz on “how New Jersey are you?”. And before I get into the crux of my post, let me say, I had my husband of Italian heritage who was born and raised in New Jersey take this test. I was laughing myself silly as I made him explain his answers… little things New Jersey folks would know, but those of us outside the state would be clueless about.

He scored 70% and as he’d answer the questions he’d say, “The answer to score higher is THIS, but that’s not my life NOW.” So he knew all the right answers, but didn’t put them as he now lives in Florida.

One of the questions is something like, “Are you Italian or do you have a lot of Italian friends?” to which my husband looked at me and laughed and said, “HEY! That’s profiling!”

Whew… a spade is a spade…

Anyway, I scored 20% and this would be because… I am married to someone from Joizey and also because… I suspect I have a neighbor in The Witness Protection Program… so I hit ‘yes’ to ‘Do you suspect a neighbor down the street is in the mafia?’

Have you ever driven through your neighborhood and wondered about your neighbors? What they do? What they’re like?

I live in a BIG subdivision, so I hardly know anybody, and quite frankly I’m WAY-OK with that. But there is this man who moved in a couple years ago, that cracks me up. He’s just not like everyone else.

T1G came to visit and I pointed him out. Unfortunately T1G probably thought I was whack, for more reasons than this I assure you, because I forgot to TELL HIM why I was pointing this retired man out… I just pointed him out and figured I’d tell him when the boys weren’t around.

But I forgot.

Until a week later when I shot him an e-mail.

We don’t have porches here. Nobody sits out on a front porch, and sips tea and watches the world go by, unfortunately. But one day I drove by this neighbor's home and there he sat, in a lawn chair, with a cold one in his hands, just inside the garage… watching the world go by.

Every day I would drive by and every day I’d see him, sometimes with a buddy.

He dresses like a retiree from the Jersey area. How do I know this? Because I live in West Palm Beach. ALL OF OUR RETIREES are from the Jersey area.

And he is Italian looking. And there is gold jewelry involved.

One day I drove past his home and he was in the front yard, fully dressed in pants, and bowling type shirt, and dress shoes, cutting the lawn or something.

All I kept thinking of was Goodfellas and My Blue Heaven with Steve Martin.

Eh, so now I joke I think he’s in the Witness Protection Program. I don’t want to know, but whenever I see him, I grin to myself and sing a little song, “One of these things just doesn’t belong here…”

And when my husband took that test and came to that question, “Do you suspect you have a neighbor in the mafia?” he hit yes. Ha! But then again… he may be talking about someone else. Hmmm.

Posted by Boudicca at June 21, 2006 08:34 PM | TrackBack