July 23, 2006

I Want a New Title

So Morrigan’s wedding is in April or May, date to still be determined. For those of you who have not met my sister, my sister can have an ethereal presence about her. I don’t know whether it is the type of hair with its rich auburn color or her hazel green eyes... or a combination of body, hair, eyes, skin… but she can very much look like one of those fairies from Lord of the Rings, like no other woman I have ever met.

She’s picked out her dress and I am the lone attendant, one Matron of Honor if you will.

Matron.

I hate that word. I hate it more that it is applying to me! Who in the hell thought of such a horrible thing to call a wedding attendant? And it doesn’t matter where I put the accent, its still a horrible word!

MAT-ron.
MATR-on,
MA-tron
ma-TRON
mat-RON

It doesn’t matter. No matter how you say it, the word conjures up negative images. It implies wide girth, apron and baking cookies. At best.

I can bake cookies.

I prefer to pass on the other two, although I have been known to don an apron every now and then. I’d wear an apron more often when I cooked if I had one I really liked.

Matron. Who…in the hell… came up with that word?! The men get Best Man, married or not. The women get Maid of Honor or Matron of Honor.

This needs to change. In all its awfulness, I can’t believe it’s not been changed. I thought of just ‘Attendant of Honor’, but that sounds like someone who should be walking up and down the aisles of the guests before the wedding starts, asking if they want peanuts or pretzels and whether they want coke, OJ, or water.

Best Lady? Best Woman? Best Female? Best what?

Sure, Morrigan could change it and say I’m her Best Sister, but that’s a given as I’m her ONLY sister.

So it appears I am stuck with this title of Matron of Honor. And I frickin’ REFUSE to give into this girth thing, even though with every month my body accrues it is a bigger battle.

I shall be slimming down for this wedding, vanity weight or not, it must go. Goal in mind of 5 lbs more than I weighed when I graduated from high school. I have to take into account that I lift weights now… an additional 5 lbs added for that.

I started last week by altering my diet and today I started back running after taking 3 weeks off. Thirty minutes cycling and 30 running today. I will be adding swimming back into the mix. It will come off. I am very driven.

I just want a different title… dammit.

Posted by Boudicca at July 23, 2006 10:16 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Mistress of Honor?

Dominatrix of Ceremony?

Wing-chick?

Lady of Honor?

The Calm One?

Cake Girl?

Posted by: RSM at July 23, 2006 11:38 PM

In all seriousness, the phrase "honor attendant" is pretty common in weddings these days, and is applied to both the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

Especially when the bride chooses male friends to stand up with her....

Posted by: caltechgirl at July 24, 2006 01:55 AM

5 lbs more than high school? Are you flippin' nuts? Do I have to come down there and have one of my infamous talks with you, young lady?!?!?!

You are a Mother. Of Three. We're both a few years older than we were right out of high school. YOU LOOK GREAT.

Stop the insanity. **shaking head** If you make yourself sick over this I'm gonna kick your ass. And I won't even wear my tall shoes to do it.

Now excuse me - I gotta go do my workout. ;-)

Posted by: Tammi at July 24, 2006 05:40 AM

Lady of Honour

Posted by: Lisa W. at July 24, 2006 05:41 AM

Hey I like Lisa's ... Lady of Honor (Hey Lisa are you Canadian?)

I hated that title too and my sister just kept rubbing it in. She got married 7 months after me, so she got to be a Maid and I got Matron.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at July 24, 2006 07:05 AM

RSM- that is a toss up between cake girl and mistress of honor. I like both of those!!

CTG- I'm liking honor attendant. I hope my sister is taking notes here...

Tammi- It's so totally doable. I'm not that far off... only 18 lbs. Completely doable. And when I'm finished, trust me when I say, not one person will say, 'You're too thin'. I promise.

Lisa W- I'm liking Lady of Honor too. Hmmmm.

QW- yup she's Canadian. I need to update my damn blogroll! I need to add her. As for your sister, if my sister and I had gotten married close like y'all, we'd have done the same thing!

Posted by: Bou at July 24, 2006 08:23 AM

hell, leave the boys at home, wear white, and a sign saying MAID of honor. Or better yet, MADE with HONOR.

Posted by: GUYK at July 24, 2006 08:37 AM

OMG, your blog hit such a chord with me. Been there, done that! I have GOT to print out RSMs suggestions for the name for my sister who does NOT like to use a computer for anything more than finding out the times of movies. She does not even have an email address and the only reason she has internet access is for the other members of the family living with her. I hope you don't mind Boudicca but I had to post this post on my blog. It was too good not to share.

Posted by: Lemon Stand at July 24, 2006 09:06 AM

My sis was my only attendant. I think we called her & the bro-in-law our "attendants," plain and simple! I like Best Woman too though!

Posted by: Marie at July 24, 2006 12:46 PM

I've always kinda wanted to be a "flower nymphet", myself. I'm too old to be a flower girl, and too much fun to be a boring old matron. But the idea of a diaphanous chiffon toga-thingie with a wreath of flowers in my hair, bells around my ankles, bare feet and beating a tambourine as I danced down the aisle... Ah! Wouldn't THAT be festive?

Posted by: Omnibus Driver at July 24, 2006 12:54 PM

I hit rhyme zone up for synonyms but it came back with only one: head nurse. That won't work!

I like Lady of Honor. That was going to be my suggestion but others beat me too it.

Of course, snickering sidekick might be appropriate for you and Mo.

Posted by: Sticks at July 24, 2006 06:33 PM

I've met you a couple times, and I think "Babe of Honor" is a winner.

Posted by: Jim - PRS at July 24, 2006 08:02 PM

Well, I wasn't a big fan of the title "groom" last Wednesday. It made it sound like I was taking care of a horse!

Posted by: Jack at July 24, 2006 10:37 PM

There are 12 years difference between my youngest sister and I.
She was the "Jr.Bridesmaid" in my wedding.
Guess that will make me the "Old maid" in her wedding next summer.......

Posted by: Maeve at July 25, 2006 09:14 AM

Bake a cookie bouquet and be the Cookie Ma'amster.

Posted by: David at July 27, 2006 12:16 PM