September 20, 2006

Contests

I’ll match Sissy her bug in the pool of Raid and raise her a roach in a bed.

That’s right.

Last night I was awakened at 2AM by feeling something crawling along the edge of my face, along my hairline. I startled and flicked my hand only to feel that I actually flung SOMETHING.

So I do what any good wife does and… woke my husband.

Me: Hun. Wake up!

Him: What.

Me: Get up. Turn on a light. There’s a bug in the bed…

See, bug killing is a man’s job. Oh yes. Even if it is 2AM.

(And right about now, all the men who read me are thinking, once again, “I am so glad I’m not married to this spazz fruitcake.” And to think my sister is just like me in so many ways. Makes me wonder if her soon to be husband reaaaaaalllllly knows what he is getting into. Heh.)

He got up and turned on the light while I quickly sat up into a ball, knees to my chest, arms wrapped around my legs. He looked all over the bed, and evidently saw a roach, a big one he said, and flung it off the bed… but didn’t see where it landed!

So now I’m absolutely horrified that there was a ROACH ON MY HEAD whilst I slumbered, its not bad enough it was in MY BED, and now I realize, it’s gone. He can’t find it.

Note I said HE. Bug finding as well as killing is a man’s job. Even if its 2AM.

I looked at him and said, “Hun, its got to be here. Oh my God. You lost it. You’re sure its not still in the bed?”

Him: Yeah, its not in the bed. I’ve pulled everything back…

Me: We’re sleeping with the light on. I’m afraid it will come back!

And so he humored me and… we slept with the light on. That was lovely. I wake up typically every hour and I awoke to a BRIGHT room. It felt more like an afternoon nap.

And some of you may be saying, “Why didn’t you go sleep on the couch?”, well, that would be because my couch is being recovered and I don’t have one!

I obviously changed the sheets this morning. I nearly asphyxiated during the process, so afraid that as I pulled off the sheets, a roach would make its way out. That’s a heart attack waiting to happen…

Meanwhile, I have been fighting the urge all day to cut off the hair it touched and to somehow remove that part of my face. Gah!

And in a measure of sympathy the guys at work said, "Well, you know... they say a roach is only as dirty as the place it lives... and we know you, so it was a clean roach."

Holy crap. Thanks but no thanks. It didn't help. I'm having a hard time convincing myself to go to sleep tonight...

Posted by Boudicca at September 20, 2006 08:45 PM | TrackBack
Comments

I'm sure I told you, but Boz and I used to live in a horrible place for a semester -- tons of roaches. I used to flick them out of my chest hair when I was sleeping.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at September 20, 2006 08:49 PM

Eh!! I'm so sorry. I so feel for you.

I do have a story to match. I will post this weekend. It's gross, I will warn you. And embarassing.

I'm so sorry!!

And TN?? That's gross!!

Posted by: Sissy at September 20, 2006 09:01 PM

TN- This isn't the same place you lived in where Boz left the fish in the freezer over Xmas break and y'all shut the power off for those two weeks, is it?

Sissy- Oh tit for tat! It's buggy blogging!

Posted by: Bou at September 20, 2006 09:06 PM

Nope, different place.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at September 20, 2006 09:21 PM

Sissy and I were just talking about these "man jobs". I believe killing bugs and rats was on the top of the man list. Mo's Man is very aware of his jobs and accepts the challenge...I hope.

Posted by: Morrigan at September 20, 2006 09:25 PM

The fish place was great. Party Central.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at September 20, 2006 09:35 PM

the bug killing thing... I think it is something y'all ladies do to keep us believing we are in control. Those are just bugs. You can kill them as easily as we can, but our hunter/provider instincts are still present though the skill is no longer there.

So you make us feel powerful by having us kill bugs. Feed our egos.

It's okay, I like being manipulated that way.

Posted by: RSM at September 20, 2006 10:47 PM

I heard it was best to keep your roaches in a clip.

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 21, 2006 01:00 AM

Mo- Oh yes, rats are on that list. Actually, I'll set the trap, I just can't remove the carcass.

TN- Actually that was a great place. I was wondering as I didn't remember roaches.

RSM- Shhhh. You're not supposed to let on to our little secret!

T1G- Are you going to market this new brand of jewelry?

Posted by: Bou at September 21, 2006 06:23 AM

Of all the bugs, a roach. I would have freaked. Really. I have found spiders, lizards and other things in my room... but a roach in my bed. I shudder to think about it.

Posted by: vw bug at September 21, 2006 06:29 AM

Damn. I'm so glad I can say with all honesty I've NEVER even seen one. Ick Uck Eww...

Cold weather livin' baby - I'll never have one of those suckers on my head in the night!

Glad you survived.

Posted by: Lisa W. at September 21, 2006 07:31 AM

Bou, T1G's comment was a drug reference.
Before our trip to TN last month, I had a palmetto bug in the bedroom. I can't remember, but I think it was on the bed with me. There was one in my shower yesterday morning. Sigh. I need to bug bomb, but we've been so busy. And we have too many pets to get out of the house before we can bomb.

With that being said... wanna come over for dinner tomorrow night? ;) hahaha Who wouldn't want to come eat at a palmetto bug house!!!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at September 21, 2006 07:34 AM

The pleasures of living in South Florida. Or Texas, for that matter.

We used to joke that if you dusted yourself with talcum powder upon going to bed, you'd see little footprints on you in the morning. Yeef.

Posted by: Elisson at September 21, 2006 09:02 AM

YUUUUUUCK!!!! I hate roaches!

Posted by: Shawn at September 21, 2006 09:45 AM

DD#1 found a MOUSE in her bedroom this morning. DH had already left to go to work. We have FOUR cats and none of them were interested in chasing it down this morning.

Super Mom to the rescue, I was able to get it in a plastic bucket, take it outside (still alive mind you) and fling it into the state forest across the street!

YUCK! I remember the roaches in south FL but I would still rather have them than mice crawling all over us in the north!

Posted by: Lemon Stand at September 21, 2006 11:55 AM

Lemon Stand- I need to send you links. We get canal rats. I'll meet your mouse and raise you a rat in a mini van that ate through all the wiring and insulation... deeming it undriveable. Oh I need to send you those stories... classic Boudicca's Voice.

Posted by: Bou at September 21, 2006 02:33 PM

Oh good God!! But I agree - bug killing is the man's job.. Roaches in the bed... ::shudder::

Posted by: Richmond at September 21, 2006 05:06 PM

A roach? NO! It's the Mass Media Podpeople Hivemind trying to infect your mind! Run away! Run Away!

My own "bugs in the night" trips started when I was six and living in the "Llanno Estacado" (as close as I'll peg it) and we regularly woke up with scorpions (the lil brown kind--kinda cute, stung like the dickens, but not really dangerous) in our beds. Shook shoes (and other clothes, for that matter) out before donning them in the ayem. was a new addition in town and the area wildlife hadn't yet been tamed... Yeh, coyotes and all kindsa other critters, too. Didn't leave the weiner dog out nights...

But roaches on the face in the middle of the night. Joe's Apartment, and alla that--no thanks.

Posted by: David at September 21, 2006 05:13 PM

Bou,
I am going to be heading north to visit Mom in the hospital and help my sister renovate more of her house for when Mom comes home. I have added you to my blog and linked to this post, if you would like to guest blog and just put those links there if you would like? I know my Mom would get a kick out of this. Gotta drive 3 1/2 hours but since I am directionally challenged when I don't have my co-pilot, I'm hoping to get there by midnight. :o) Hope you have a great day!

Posted by: Lemon Stand at September 22, 2006 09:50 AM

Should I mention that I read somewhere that everyone in their lifetime swallows at least one spider while sleeping? I shouldn't? Oops!

While in Bonaire, I discovered a cute little crab in my bathroom. Much nicer than a roach.

Posted by: Denny at September 24, 2006 10:00 PM

*PING*

Posted by: That 1 Guy at September 25, 2006 08:59 PM