October 30, 2006

Not Connecting A and B

This story is an odd twisted road. Follow if you can...

We were at dinner tonight when my 2nd son said, “I think Peter’s Mom looks like she’s in her twenties.”

I said, with claws out, “Really. If you look at her face, she doesn’t…”

Peter’s Mom has had cosmetic surgery, breast augmentation for sure, and I suspect a tummy tuck as well. She is TINY and something is just not right. And it annoys me that by what looks like a perfect 20 year old body, that has had work done, that my boys think she is so young when I know she’s not.

This whole cosmetic surgery to look 'perpetually 20' is a real peeve of mine. It really gets under my skin. And let me make it clear, I have NO PROBLEMS with cosmetic surgery. NONE. But the need for women in their late 30s and 40s in S. Florida to try to compete with the 20 year olds, irritates the stew out of me and it is pervasive down here.

Ringo said, “You’re right. Her face doesn’t look 20.”

And not being able to hold back I said nastily, “It is amazing what cosmetic surgery can do.”

My husband, who thinks she is cute and sweet (she is very sweet to my husband but has rarely given me the time of day), shot me a nasty look while looking out of the corner of his eyes at the boys and said, “You don’t know that… She could naturally look like that.”

Me: Pulease. Don’t tell me for a minute you think her breasts are real. They are SO fake.

Mr. T: fake?

My husband: Well, yeah, those are, but you’re implying other things have been done and you don’t know that…

Mr. T: Fake? Her breasts are fake?

Me: You’re right. I don’t know that she did, but I really suspect that she has.

Mr. T: Fake? How are a woman’s breasts fake?

Me: Women can have surgery and have things implanted in them to make them bigger, perkier, rounder.

The boys, collectively: Oh.

Me: You know… this is a conversation that stays at this table. (Lovely as I sit here blogging it, putting it on the ‘net…) What happens in the home, stays in the home. There is no reason to talk about this fake breast stuff. It stays here.

The boys: OK.

Me: Seriously. Don’t. It’s not something women talk about.

Bones (of course… you had to see this coming): OH! (His eyes got real wide with some sort of knowledge… a connection made.) It’s like Mrs. Puff.

Me: Mrs. Puff?

Bones (read this real fast and you’ll hear it how I did): Yeah, on Sponge Bob. Mr. Krabbs wanted to ask Mrs. Puff out, but then he realized that Mrs. Puff was taken, because she’s a Mrs. and he asked where Mr. Puff was and then they showed him in a lantern and someone pulled a string and a light came on.

Me: I’m lost.

Ringo: Mr. Puff was dead. He’s a puffer fish. Someone turned him into a light. When you pulled the cord, a light came on in his mouth. They made him into a puffer fish lantern.

Me: *blink* *blink* How is a woman getting implants in her breasts like Mrs. Puff?

Bones: Oh, she doesn’t want to talk about it. Mrs. Puff doesn’t like to talk about it.

Holy crap. He and I so don’t think on the same plane… or planet... or solar system.

Posted by Boudicca at October 30, 2006 08:28 PM | TrackBack

The only thing I'd consider would be a tummy tuck - NOT to compete with younger women, but just to get rid of the extra "baby skin" which tends to be an issue when I do some exercises. Then again - it's major surgery, so the chances are slim to none that I would make the effort. In any case, any thing I do is for myself and to make my life easier. It would be stupid for me to try to compete with other women at this age - I couldn't even compete when I was 18... Heh.

Posted by: Teresa at October 30, 2006 11:33 PM

Fake , real its all the same to hím, but stick a bulb in a puffer fish's mouth & turn him into a lantern ... well that would fuel any 7year olds imagination, especially if it's related to Sponge Bob.

Posted by: michele at October 30, 2006 11:35 PM

Bou - You don't need any cosmetic surgery. You look great just the way you are!

Posted by: Denny at October 30, 2006 11:54 PM

I'm with Denny on this one!


Posted by: P'cola Titan at October 31, 2006 12:17 AM

Teresa- I'm with you. A tummy tuck would do it for me, but not to compete... I just hate all that frickin'extra skin. HOWEVER, as my Mom says, "I'll wait until it comes out in a jar". ;-)

Michele- I was stunned. I sat there looking at him thinking, "Mrs. Puff... had implants?"

Denny and PT- No, no plastic surgery for me. I have this entire post on what its like down here, so y'all may see this topic again.

Posted by: Bou at October 31, 2006 07:09 AM

Well, I don't believe we have had THIS particular conversation grace us at our dinner table. It'll be funny to see how the GIRLS react to it! (Laughing already!)

Posted by: Lemon Stand at October 31, 2006 08:40 AM

I don't know much about Sponge Bob... I'm a killer at Barney trivia though. Body work... How appropriate for Halloween...

Posted by: RedNeck at October 31, 2006 09:54 AM

Oh, excellent. I love the way his mind thinks!

I would love to have a breast reduction- mine belong on a woman twice my size- but I really don't like surgery so I guess I'll just find a bra designed by NASA and hope it can hold the girls up where they belong.

Posted by: Jody at October 31, 2006 10:39 AM

This is like reading a comic strip.

Posted by: Angus of Mull at October 31, 2006 11:13 AM

Well, would YOU want to talk about it if they took your hubby and put a light blub in his mouth and made him into a lamp?

Posted by: Ogre at October 31, 2006 11:14 AM

It's funny to see grown men walk into minefields like that. I bet that, even as you were graciously conceding the point that you don't know for a fact that this woman had work done on her face, part of you was screaming "YES I DO KNOW IT FOR A FACT!"

Posted by: Scott at October 31, 2006 11:18 AM

The scary thing is, I know who Mrs. Puff is...and I know how Bones thinks.

And as far as you are concerned, don't let those old biddies with their facelifts and tit augmentation bother you. They can't hold a candle to you. Besides, their navels are all up by their Adam's apples after all that tuckage. They're not fooling anyone.

Posted by: Elisson at October 31, 2006 11:27 AM

I'm waiting for the next post, when Peter's mother will have had a nice little talk with you about her many (or not so many) surgeries. How can you expect Bones not talking with his friend about this conversation at your dinner table ????

Posted by: dom at October 31, 2006 02:15 PM


Dom- Oh I was telling our assistant today at work, "I wonder how long it is before I get a phone call... telling me that her son came home informing her that Bones told him his Mom has fake boobs." I'm hoping they move. ;-)

I told this story at work today and the vast majority of engineers I work with (male engineers), after they stopped laughing said, "I so get how he thinks!" GREAT.

And Da.d- My Life is a comic strip...

Posted by: Bou at October 31, 2006 04:43 PM