November 14, 2006

I Hate Men

We went camping two weeks ago and I was doing the grocery shopping. I said to my Better Half, “What kind of coke to you want for this trip?” and he replied, “Oh I gave up all soda. It really is bad for you. I’ll just take a jug of unsweetened tea.”

My reply? *blink*

We have been married for 15 years on Thursday. We have been together for almost 18. The man has always drunk carbonated beverages for ever meal. Always. And at the age of 46 5/6th years he has decided suddenly that they are bad for him? Hello?

So… I bought a big jug on unsweetened tea. So be it. I’m happy. That stuff really is bad for you.

We got to the campsite and he said, ‘What’s with all the chips?’ and I replied, “That’s what you always snack on. You like chips, so I bought chips.’

His reply, “I quit eating chips. I guess I didn’t tell you…”

My reply? *blink*

We have been married for 15 years on Thursday. We have been together for almost 18 years. The man has eaten chips for a snack every daggum day. He snacks on salty crunchy stuff. Its… what… he… does.

So, fine. So be it. Its not all that good for you anyway.

Two days ago he said to me, “Did I tell you that a couple of weeks ago I felt fat?”

My reply? *blink*

My husband is 5’6, broad shouldered, small waisted and in high school wore a 29 inch waist… and now its 30. His stomach is still relatively flat and he looks like he could model clothes for a magazine.

He continued, “Yeah, I got on the scale and sure enough, I’d gained 6 pounds. So I cut out soda, chips, ate salads for lunch, cut out any extra bread and haven’t eaten fries. I lost 6 lbs in those two weeks. I just stepped on the scale.”

My reply? *blink*

I had a knife in my hand. He’s lucky I didn’t slit his “Oh I cut out soda and fries and lost 6 lbs in two weeks” throat.

Holy crap.

What…is… that… about?

Women have to frickin’ starve to lose 2 and men cut out the weekly frickin’ Friday doughnut and they lose FIVE.

Do you know what I have to do to lose 3 lbs in one week? I have to keep my caloric intake up just enough that I have to graze every two hours, watching every single thing I put in my mouth, lots of vegetables, easy on the fruit, SMALL portions, and a TON of water.

For me to lose 3 lbs in one week, I have to monitor what I eat to the point that I have to take a frickin’ protein bar with me while I run or I can’t complete my run and bike. I have to eat in between or my blood sugar gets too low and I get sick.

I can’t lose more than 2 lbs a week and I’m best at 1. And it is a STRUGGLE.

And he cuts out frickin’ coke and by my calculations lost a pound a week just from that one SMALL diet alteration.

Pisses me off…

Posted by Boudicca at November 14, 2006 10:11 PM | TrackBack


Posted by: Sissy at November 14, 2006 10:25 PM

Mine is just like that. Although the waistline went from 28 to 34 since high school (he got abs in the military), mine is the same way. He eats ice cream a pint at a time and washes it down with coke and still gains NOTHING.

Posted by: caltechgirl at November 14, 2006 11:04 PM

I've got to hit it... there's no scale here, so I'll let you know how it goes when I get home.

Don't hate me...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at November 14, 2006 11:30 PM

I've got you beat... My husband suddenly grew a beard and stopped drinking Coke [which nearly caused a family panic] 6 weeks ago and now looks like a skinny Santa. Not that he was overweight anyway.

I don't drink that stuff because, like you said... it's bad. I can't compete with a man's metabolism, and don't even try. :/

Posted by: pam at November 15, 2006 05:32 AM

Yaa... that would definitely piss me off. Sigh. I quit eating for 5 days and was just living off of tea and water and lost ONLY 3 pounds. Then as soon as I added solids back, I got back a pound immediately. I assume the others will be back shortly. Sigh.

Posted by: vw bug at November 15, 2006 07:28 AM

UGH! Men, and boys too, for that matter.
My son came home from practice yesterday- said he lost 3 lbs from a 32 minute run.
Yeah, I hate them!

It took me 12 months to lose 70 pounds (for those wondering about the math, it's 1.3 lbs per week).
Why can't women, who want the great metabolism, have it- and men who usually don't care, have the women's metabolism?

Who says Gawd doesn't have a sense of humor?

Posted by: Rave at November 15, 2006 11:38 AM

I won't mention that my weight might fluctuate 5 pounds in one DAY, then...

Posted by: Ogre at November 15, 2006 12:04 PM

I think the "I'm fat" thing has to do with him being 46 5/6. Has he bought a Miata lately?

Seriously, he must not have a desk job as otherwise he would not have just a 30 inch waist what with drinking soda and eating chips and all. Maybe he has a tapeworm.

I started out with a 28 inch waist (back when I was 6-1/125#) and have since blossomed to a 40 inch waist and am working my way back into my 38 inch waisted clothes.

I was directed by my doctor to cut out the sodas (because my blood sugar tests came back borderline) and I quickly lost a bunch a weight at that time. I think it was water volume loss as some of it came back two months later while still following the radically modified diet.

I suspect that your husband's weight loss was caused by stopping the salty snacks and not retaining as many fluids. In other words, nothing special.

Posted by: The Thomas at November 15, 2006 12:51 PM

uhm... when i found out i have seizures... let's see... i cut out Cokes (you're right, they're all Cokes, no matter what they are) around April? May? and i was doing 2-4 a day depending on the day... i've gained 10? 15? pounds since then.

guys frakkin' suck. you can tell your husband i take back the nice thank you i said in my email, and i now hate him.

Posted by: sarahk at November 15, 2006 01:48 PM

i mean, i drink only water, maybe some unsweet herbal teas if i remember to, and occasionally juice (but i've switched to just taking daily vitamins instead for my vit C). ok, so it's 100% water for me.

ugh. now i'm in a bad mood. i'm never reading your blog again. ;-)

Posted by: sarahk at November 15, 2006 01:50 PM

5 lbs?! I crap more than that! I can lose 5 pounds from the time I go to sleep until a few hours later when I get up. Your husband and I are exactly the same age, so I'm not surprised to hear he lost 6 lbs just from modifying his diet a little. It's not fair, but it is true.

Posted by: Dash at November 15, 2006 02:09 PM

Ugh. Sounds like my hubby.

Usually in the spring he decides he has packed on a bit too much (it's gonna mess with his golf swing, don'tcha know) so he cuts out soda and his afternoon candy bar.

*poof* 20 pounds gone. I could choke him...

Posted by: Richmond at November 15, 2006 03:12 PM

This is why I continue to drink beer. Otherwise, I'd shrink up into a little nothing.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at November 15, 2006 03:17 PM

Thomas- He has a sports car sitting in the garage that he takes out occasionally. Twin Turbo, that sucker is fast and rides like its on rails. It's the other woman. ;-)

Dash- You know we all hate you now, right?! Teasing!

He thinks part of it was water, but when he was telling the women he works with about it, they said, "who CARES that it was water! YOU LOST SIX POUNDS!"

He has a 'sedentary' type job, but one that does not allow any snacking. He is lucky if he gets lunch on some days. If he snacks, it is at home. So really the snacking is minimal!

SarahK- LOL! NO, Please don't leave!

T1G- is that a 'don't hate me because I'm beautiful' theme?!

TN- Yeah. We know. I won't even blog on the time I came to visit and all you had in your fridge was vegetables and rice and OJ. Sheesh!

Posted by: Bou at November 15, 2006 04:45 PM

I hope I'm pleasantly plump enough to not be hated... Granted, my jeans don't make my hind end look big... a magnifyin' glass couldn't even do that. And it wouldn't matter what I ate/drank. I have no hind end. My theory is it's been chewed off.

Posted by: RedNeck at November 15, 2006 06:06 PM

OK Ladies if it makes you feel any better I am more than 90 lbs heavier than I was the day I graduated High School.

BTW, if you are working out REGULARLY and not seeing any weight loss at all could be due to a gain in your muscle mass, which would easily offset the weight, remember the scale is not everything!

If that still doesn't cut it, look to something that could stimulate your Testosterone levels (yep girls have it too), DHEA is a good start, but you must create the demand for it to convert by working out, otherwise it becomes more Estrogen and we all know what that means, More Dr. Phil, Oprah and Chocolate....

However, Higher T levels can also cause you to want to slide down the banister or stand really close to the wash machine too, if you catch my drift, so be careful what you wish for.

Posted by: P'cola Titan at November 15, 2006 10:17 PM