Boudicca's Voice

A friend was told he had at most two years to live. He quit his work, kept COBRA (or whatever it is called), and took his two small children and wife on a tour of the United States. (They had quite a bit of savings to use for this, since his family would get his life insurance.) After two years, he decided he wasn't going to die and they all four went home and he started working again.

It's been fifteen years and his sons are almost grown now. He's still alive.

I hope that such a scenario happens foryour friend.

Me too... but its a really really really big brain tumor. One can always hope.

I think trying to spend as much time with my kids as possible would be key... but I kind of do that already. I'd definitely jetison anything that took away from my family. For sure.

I finally gathered the courage to read "Tuesdays with Morrie" by Mitch Albom.

I would hope that I could go with as much dignity and empathy for those around me as Morrie did.

ouch. Stage 4 I guess, huh?

I'd chuck it all in a hole (go on indefinite leave) and spend my healthy (non-treatment or side-effect) days surrounded by friends and family and let Cobra and disability cover the doctor shit.

Build good memories for the ones I love, ya' know.

My bMom got the news more than a year ago. Her sister had been diagnosed with colon cancer - a small Stage-two tumor was removed, she did a bout of chemo and was told she'd be just fine - they believe they got it all. Encouraged by her sister's experience and advice, Mom went for a colonoscopy. She was admitted that afternoon for surgery the next morning. She had Stage-four colon cancer with peritoneal implants. We've been making regular visits to MD Anderson in Houston for treatment / monitoring.

She went on immediate sick-leave, then extended long-term disability, keeping her COBRA.

She had been working for the same thankless law firm for over 35 years. I'm convinced the stress of the last several (with a new boss) contributed at least in-part to the progression of her illness... Least of all, he was an unsympathetic bastard! "You look fine! When are you going to get off your butt and get back to work?!"

She finally took-up painting again (she used to paint and draw in her youth, but found little time while working) and she has discovered her 'niche' to become an awesome portrait artist. She's earned several commissions already and is working on more. She painted for herself (and my late Grandma) a portrait of Mother Theresa that is in the truest sense, awe-inspiring.

And of course, since we've already missed-out on thirty-years together (did I mention I was adopted?), we've been spending a lot of time...

Her response to treatment has been spectacular - and we're always looking for miracles... Of course prayers go a long, long way. :)

I reckon I wold do just what I am doing now..living each day as if it was my last one..and letting my sweetthing know each day that I love her and appreciate her.

I'd start emptying out my wine cellar. I'd drink the good stuff with anything. Outmeal? 1998 Barbesco. Toast? 1998 Gigondas. Hamburger? 1990 Barolo. The bad thing is I would be drinking all my 2000 and 2003 Bordeaux too young, but I sure wouldn't want them to go to waste. I had a friend with prostate cancer and he started to do the same thing with his cellar. Fortunately, it was all for naught since the operation took care of it and he is in remission. I was pissed that he didn't have me over helping him drink some of his good stuff. I'd do the same for him.

A friend's father, a doctor, passed out in the hospital gym one day and was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor.

He decided he didn't want to spend his last days in a hospital bed and went home. The folks from the local Hospice (the ones that took care of Matt Lauer's dad), came over and did what they could for him until the end. And at least he was home with loved ones, not in a stinky hospital.

Sorry to hear about your friend, Bou. But he or his family may wanna talk to the Hospice folks. They've helped countless others deal with this and would have much better advice than I could ever offer.

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

A former coworker of mine was diagnosed with lung cancer (never smoked a cigarette in her life) almost three years ago and was told she had a maximum of a year to live.

The cancer has since spread in her body, into her bones. For the past near three years she has been receiving chemo on and off for pain control only but it has been enough to keep her alive and with her children.

She had quite a battle to start receiving disabilty payments but after about six months she finally started getting it.

If I was told there wasn't anything that could be done for me and I had a year left to live, I'd try to live every day to its fullest with my family. If I were able to, I'd do some traveling, have fun and make good memories for my children to remember me by. Oh, and I'd have alot of pictures taken too!

I honestly don't know if I'd want to be in my home when I die or not. I think that would be very difficult on my children to watch.

Bou: [W]hat do you do when told you have not much time to live?

You share laughter and stories as long as possible, good times, too, if you're able while putting your affairs in order as best you can, including telling people close to you that you love them. But as the sand slips out of the hour glass, while there's still time there are decisions to be made. Important ones sometimes called The Five Wishes.

We found out recently that a co-worker at another branch, a fellow we all know and really like, has been given a year.

I've kinda been wondering the same questions. We gathered up money...all the branches have. We've offered to take up what of his responsibilities he'd let us take up.

But it's made me wonder if it's enough.

I mean, there are obligations, and if I were in his place, with family and whatnot, you'd want to provide.

Me? I just have me in the world to provide for. I'm thinking that all those things I've ever wanted to do in life need to get done. I can only echo right Doyle wrote in his comment.

But then, we should probably be living that way anyway.

Well, first of all ... sorry to hear this news. Very tragic, and to segue to your question, I'd take Warren Zevon's sagelike advice and enjoy every sandwich ...

Every sunshine, every tender touch, every smile, every shooting star, every sunken eight ball, every time I hear Willie Nelson's voice ... I'd savor it as if it were my last day on earth.

It's best, I think, to enjoy most all the stuff that you're gonna miss when you're gone, tie up loose ends, that sorta thing.

For me it would be a blessing, even though my life (God forbid) would be cut tragically short, I'd have this precious time to say my goodbyes.

Memories. It brings back memories of my uncle. Yes, I'm sure you will remember this is what he died of. You'll also remember me taking off time from work to go be with him every chance I got.

What I hope he does is what we all should be doing all the time - what he wants to do.
If he wants to work, work.
If he wants to trave, travel.

He - and you - should keep in mind that while medicine may be a science, medical treatment is an art. He may heal.

As for the time length - there is no way to know. How I pray that lung cancer had given us 18 months, or 3 years.

Those who believe in God also believe that He has a plan. Have faith in Him and His plan.

Your friend is loved, as is evidenced by your post about him. What more could a person want in this life than to be loved?

...
I bet you were hoping I wouldn't read this one, eh? :)

I hate when things like this happen. Just hate it.

I am so very sorry...

As to what *I* would do? I hope that I never have to find out...

I'm sorry that anyone had to endure this kind of pain, I for one know exactly what it is like. Last Dec 29th my 31 year old son was dignoised with a stage 4 brain tumor. He has been given 18-24 months. They did a crainiotomy and he has been on radiation and chemo. The blessings here are at least you have your chances to make happy memories and tell this person how you feel. When something happens to someone quickly without warning are there not regrets? Something you wish you could've said or done? Don't let there be any regrets or words unspoken. This is the gift that you've been given. Remember that we never know what is in store for any of us and when!!!