January 11, 2007

Thank God for Little Boys

I was balancing the school checkbook today (Yes, I'm still the school treasurer)when Bones walked in, thrust a sheet of paper at me and ran.

I looked down and it was a prayer he’d written… a prayer of petition and it read as follows, on that really big 2nd grade paper where each line is cut in half by a dotted line:

Prayer of Petition
God our Father,
God, you love us. Help me to
Remember to ONLY say kind words.
(Suzie Q.) Amen,
Bones

I called him back, “Bones! What is this and why?!” It required my signature.

In he walked shuffling his feet and looking at the ground, refusing to make eye contact.

Bones: I don’t want you to yell at me. I feel bad enough.

Me: For what? What did you call her?

He didn’t answer.

Holy crap. My mind started working over time. I could feel my pulse quicken, my throat constrict as it became difficult to breathe and my face redden in the blushed state of embarrassment towards having to see his teacher over what must be something pretty awful if he won’t answer me.

Me: Bones. I’m not yelling. What did you call her.

Bones: I’m sorry!

Holy crap. I know nothing of this girl. All the little girls look alike. It is an odd phenomena when you have only boys… you don’t know any of the girls or their Moms, you only know boys and boy Moms. All the little girls are short with straight hair either blonde or dark. They’re like little clones.

Did he call her “You big fathead?!” or “You’re ugly and your Mom is too?” or…

Or…

Good Lord. Did he cuss? Did he step out of the box and say, “You little bitch?”

Or

Ack! Could he have?! Could he have dropped the F bomb for the first time ever and called her an “f-ing bitch”?

Good God. I started wondering as my face reddened more if maybe I was…

…having a stroke.

I was starting to quietly freak now.

He was shuffling his feet.

Me: (attempting to take a deep breathe) Bones. I need to know what you called her. Look at me. Tell me.

Bones: I called her… Pregnant. OK? I said it.

Me: *blink*

Bones:

I sat there thinking I heard wrong.

Pregnant?

Bitch doesn’t rhyme with pregnant. Ppppppp… no words that were ugly started with ‘preg’ let alone… rhyme with preeeeggggnaaant. Nothing.

Me: You called her… pregnant?

Bones in an exasperated state: YES! I did! But Chase called her that like 17 times! And then she got mad when *I* did it!

Me: I don’t care what Chase does. Just don’t call anyone names. OK?

Bones: OK.

Me: No names. It hurts people’s feelings.

Bones: OK.

Me: Bye.

Bones: Bye.

Pregnant. That word is going to get him in so much trouble one day. Whoda thunk it would start in 2nd grade? There is one more rule he’ll need to know with that word, other than, “Don’t call girls pregnant” which is a directly related to “Don’t call people names” and that would be for when he’s older, “Don’t ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see the head crowning.”

Pregnant.

Who in the hell calls a girl pregnant as an insult? In 2nd grade?

And I’m so daggum thankful…

Posted by Boudicca at January 11, 2007 10:08 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Prayer of petition? Say what? Do those things work?? Let me know soonest.
Angus

Posted by: Angus of Islay at January 11, 2007 10:34 PM

Well, Dad, I look at it this way. In the classroom the teacher is God, so if she's happy, then it works!

What I really wonder is how many times Chase really called her pregnant, since you know... Bones tends to exaggerate. Just a little. Sometimes. Heh.

Posted by: Bou at January 11, 2007 10:43 PM

First thought I had was... did Chase really say anything to her face? hahaha.

Posted by: vw bug at January 12, 2007 07:46 AM

Well be thankful it wasn't in a government school -- then you'd have had to first ask, "Well, was she actually pregnant?"

Posted by: Ogre at January 12, 2007 09:11 AM

I cannot believe that little ***** complained about being called pregnant. ;-P

Posted by: zonker at January 12, 2007 11:35 AM

Calling her pregnant? A big deal now maybe, but later it'll be small potatoes. Just pray he's not 15 and says "got" instead of "called"! I know, I know, to God's ears that never happens!

Posted by: Bob at January 12, 2007 01:45 PM

I'll have to think on this one for a while. When boys are giving you a problem you can call them caponettes; have to come up with something appropriate for the girls. So there is another word for you boys to learn.

Posted by: Tink at January 12, 2007 02:18 PM

Hmm...I didn't even know what the word 'pregnant' meant until I was 12. My mother was very old-fashioned, and always said 'expecting'.

Posted by: Mrs_Who at January 12, 2007 08:29 PM

Hmmm, is she a little fat girl?

Posted by: GUYK at January 13, 2007 09:07 AM

*adds to list of ways to insult annoying girls*

Heh. This is like calling her "cooties", "lice", and "boogers" all in one! :-D

Posted by: Harvey at January 16, 2007 12:47 AM