January 31, 2007

Put The Drugs in the Water... Please

Today was the first time I got genuinely pissed at work over the company. A couple men kind of teased me as it happened… but others just sat quietly in their cubes.

I posted before that I sit at a table pushed against a wall in the middle of a room. No biggy. If you don’t work 20 hours you don’t get a cube. I don’t need a cube. I need a computer and a place to put the drawings of the parts I’m working. I need a place to store folders. The end.

But they were nice enough to get me a table and so I have a coffee mug with pens and highlighters and a ruler, and a small bin I picked up at Staples that holds my yellow stickies, stapler, tape, and crip crap like paper clips. It works.

Under my table I have my space heater as they keep the room at 65 and I can’t function at that temperature.

Next to me is a file cabinet that my co worker I job share with and I share. She is at a small plastic table at the front of the room.

She and I were cool.

Note the word… were.

Yesterday she gets rung up by some guy in charge of some program that we have to get certified for… telling her she didn’t label our filing cabinets properly. I came in and heard this and said testily to the guys, “Phht, he probably came over because he likes the way she smells.”

They all laughed. I was irritated that her time would be wasted by such foolishness.

I came in today and found that we are not allowed to work at our tables as they are non-compliant as well. We are working on getting our Gold Certification with Company X… so the tables had to go.

I had a fit. Its not that I love my table. I don’t give a crap if they give me a turned over cardboard box to work off of as long as I have my computer, place to put my drawings and space to store my pens, yellow stickies, and crip craps like paper clips. I.Do.Not.Care what I work off of.

At all.

What frickin’ pissed me off is that one of our IT guys, who also evidently double as furniture movers, had to go find a desk out of storage, have it hauled into our room, and pull my table off and put the desk up.

THAT pissed me off. Big.

Like he has nothing better to do? I have to hear a song and dance about overhead last week and they’re pulling an IT guy off his job to get me a stupid desk when the table was perfectly fine?

You MUST be kidding me.

I told my supervisor, “You can feel free to tell our Manager what I think about this f***ing waste of manpower.” He said, “OK.”

I am wondering if I will get called in. I don’t give a crap.

I am done with watching companies fritter away money on stupid crap like ‘every file drawer must be labeled exactly the same’ and ‘every picture must be exactly level’ and ‘everything must look exactly uniform’. It is like the obsessive compulsive anal retentive extremes have found a nitch and aren’t letting go.

They have drugs for that now people! Good Lord.

My dear friend from another company who did the same thing told me that when they were going for the Gold, she was on 11 teams. Holy crap. I told her I didn’t need the money that bad… I’d quit.

I’d have to find another job. Working with people who get wrapped up in this… it makes me nuts on a whole new level. There are people I work with who are totally getting off on going into places and telling people what they need to do to be compliant… and those people… I avoid like the plague.

I told my boss one of them could kiss my ass. He said, “He might enjoy it…”

Bah. They make me nuts…

Posted by Boudicca at January 31, 2007 11:10 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Your "Gold" standard sounds like ..

QS9000
ISO9000
ISO14001
TS23495

Which in the automotive industry you have to be certified in all (Suppliers only for QS9000 though).

It's horrible and the people in charge of getting the company certified are the most anal retenetive people that don't really understand the concept. They focus on the stupid shit (outlining where chairs and garbage cans go) instead of the stuff concerning manufacturing.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at February 1, 2007 09:04 AM

How come you and the job-share person don't get along anymore?
Because you said she smells pertty?

Posted by: Roses at February 1, 2007 09:52 AM

QW- Bing, Bing, Bing! yes. you got it... its along those lines. And holy crap, I wish I could take a picture of our supply room. To make it compliant, someone took a foam board and made cut outs of each 'supply tool' (hole puncher, stapler, staple remover etc) and labeled the cut out and then placed each item in them. I saw that and thought, "Good Lord, what is happening to this world?!" So Mr. Magoo went in and switched them all up just to piss someone off.

I seriously don't get it and on the verge of can't take the vast OCD Anal Retentivenes.

Roses- Oh no, she and I get along Fabulously. I meant we were cool with where we sat... and now they're created this big deal and we're standing there saying, "But... we were OK with where we were." She's great. I told her yesterday, "I think Mr. Compliance is hanging around you more because you smell better than I do." ;-)

Posted by: Bou at February 1, 2007 11:02 AM

Just call Adrian Monk in. He'll have everything in order in a matter of minutes. And he'd probably do it for free!

Posted by: Marie at February 1, 2007 11:40 AM

omg. so my yesterday, bou. all crap ass political corporate, you said it best, waste. so you're singing to the choir. but remember, don't let the bastards get you down. they need you bou, obviously you are the sane one.

Posted by: shoe at February 1, 2007 01:21 PM

Bou, Bou, Bou, this is so strange.

Getting the Gold is so much more than just being ISO 9001 compliant. And, yes, the ISO checkers do expect to find pegboards with outlines for tools in an assembly area, but not for lab techs and other non-manufacturing work stations.

Besides tidy manufacturing work stations, being 9001 compliant should provide an indication of processes that are written and followed, even if you have the cocktail napkin framed on the wall. The point of this is reproducibility, so that the customer can expect the same level of quality with each unit built.

The other two legs of the Gold certified tripod are an honest accounting system and on-time delivery.

The accounting audit is to show that the company is stable enough to be trusted with delivering the goods.

On-Time Delivery means only one thing, everything must be delivered on-time, 100% of the time, all of the time. 98% gets you a silver. 96% gets you a bronze. Less then that doesn't cut it.

To my mind, any company that has a written policy on how to label filing cabinets (that do not contain artifacts under Configuration Management) does not understand the difference between style and substance.

Sure I can understand a basic policy that identifies acceptable office sizes and equipment, if only to cut down on the backbiting and other stupid crap.

You have my heartfelt sympathy. I do not understand people who turn these "Policies and Procedures" into some type of animistic religion that requires a Shaman to interpret everything. Maybe you need to find a baby's rattle and attach a couple feathers to it so you can shake it at these strange people when they come by.

Posted by: The Thomas at February 1, 2007 09:55 PM

6 sigma, 5 ups, market driven quality, or any other useless quality program, Certified Technical Trainer Certification (I was a programmer who taught part time), diversity training. These are just a few of the things I do not miss since I retired from IBM. I often wonder how much money is wasted each year with all this bullshit?

Posted by: Denny at February 1, 2007 11:28 PM

It stems from an attitude that people are too stupid to use common sense to do their jobs, so they must be told every little detail of their work.

And extending the theory, that means that the people who are telling you every detail of your job needs to be told every detail of _their_ job.

It is quite a waste of money.
And it is quite stupid.

Posted by: _Jon at February 2, 2007 09:20 AM

We're doing the same crap too. They have hired and put more people into doing this while the shop guys are short handed and don't have crap to work with. But, everything is "purty".

Posted by: sticks at February 2, 2007 04:52 PM

Sorry, but I must say one thing:

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

What a scam. I've been involved in those "certifications" before -- it's a complete and total racket and NOTHING more! They're so anal, they're stupid. They do absolutely nothing to help the company AT ALL.

I remember the last time I played with one of those things. The word of the week was: "It doesn't matter if it's correct, but it must be documented." So if you had documents telling you how to completely screw something up, that was better than knowing how to actually do it correctly.

I can't believe companies still play those games. The certifications, instead of being helpful, ONLY hurt the company and hurt productivity and moral -- as you've so aptly noted.

Those certifications are a complete and total WASTE. OF. TIME. They only exist to get those who do the certifications cash from the company. Seriously.

Sorry you have to put up with one.

Posted by: Ogre at February 3, 2007 12:55 PM