April 23, 2007

Two Down and One to Go

That would be for THE TALK. Yes. It has happened again. Ten years old seems to be the magic age for my boys to suddenly ask the question, a rather innocent question I might add, a question that they always seem absolutely completely SHOCKED when they hear the answer, even though they’ve watched Animal Planet since… forever.

And so the topic started with people having babies and pregnancies, as his Aunt is getting married on Saturday at the Great Wedding of 2007 and he expects they’ll have children, and suddenly Mr. T said to me, “So exactly how does that happen? Do you just want a baby and you get one?”

Funny he should ask how that happens as I seemed to not have been able to figure it out being perpetually pregnant for about four years. Or so it seemed at the time… to both me and my friends. I didn’t impart that upon him.

So I did what I always do, or rather what I did last time, and I kept it very biological and unemotional and matter of fact, explaining that all mammals did this.

Of course I got the little boy stunned silence look. I quickly said, “You need to understand, the man does NOT pee inside the woman! OK?” and I explained the physiological changes that happen in a man’s body. I so hate the thought of them getting sex and peeing confused.

His concern of course is that this entire thing ‘hurt’ and how would this possibly be something someone WANTS to do… a common sentiment I’m finding with kids. He seemed a bit frightened at the thought that the male may not get his member back. Gah! I didn’t see that one coming. At one point he looked at me and said, “Wait. This means YOU did this.” I nodded and then he said, “Mom, you did this THREE times?”

This is like frickin’ déjà vu. Ringo was more horrified at the thought his father had done this three times. “Dad did this THREE TIMES?” at which I answered with a laugh, ‘OH.YES.HE.DID!’ Heh.

"Well, see, I know it sounds icky, but when you're a man and your voice has changed and your body is growing hair and you're shaving, then this is something you WANT to do and God made it so it feels good."

He said, "How does it feel good? There are two ways things feel good, Mom. There is feeling someone's soft cheek and then there is *touching his heart* the kind that feels good here."

I replied, "Both. It feels good both ways. God put nerves in places so that the entire thing feels really good all over and you like doing it and you want to do it."

So. We'll see. I kept hammering home this 'love someone/marriage' thing.

Suddenly his eyes lit up, like a light bulb went off… an epiphany of sorts, and he said to me, “But Mom. You really only wanted two babies. But you have three…” and I corrected him and said, “No. I only PLANNED on having two babies, but I have three… that third was just an unexpected blessing” to which he continued, “So. This means… you only did it two times wanting a baby and then you just… did it once because you wanted to?”

Heh. Who says my boy ain’t sharp? Sharp as a damn tack.

And so the questions continued through the night, which I fielded left and right. Some questions definitely made my eyes widen far more than his did when I explained the entire sex thing.

Good Grief.

I suspect there will be more. I did tell him repeatedly that this was big boy conversation that he was only to have with me and/or his Dad and not his buddies or his little brother.

Bones. I cannot even imagine how that conversation is going to go…

Posted by Boudicca at April 23, 2007 08:48 PM | TrackBack

"I did tell him repeatedly that this was big boy conversation that he was only to have with me and/or his Dad and not his buddies or his little brother."

You are SO smart!
Wish I'd have thought of that!

Posted by: Roses at April 23, 2007 09:17 PM

It's amazing to me the difference between explaining sex to a son rather than a daughter. A lot of the questions are different but the "You and Dad did this FOUR times?" cracks me up every time. This past weekend my 14 yr old was with me when we visited a friend of ours who is pregnant and somehow the comment "Well at least when your pregnant you don't have sex." **Blink** "Um, honey, where did you get that idea?" She said "Well I just assumed it. It would hurt the baby." Sigh. Needless to say we took the long way home and had a very interesting conversation.

Posted by: Lemon Stand at April 23, 2007 09:47 PM

I think that this is one of those times when I'm glad I don't have kids! Then again, you are pretty good at the parent thing, Bou - kudos to you ;-) I'm still cracking up at the way he puzzled out that you had to have done it for fun at least once. Smart lad!!

Posted by: Barb at April 23, 2007 10:23 PM

LOL!!!!! Someday he will flash back to that conversation and be soooooo embarrassed by his 10 year old self :-)

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 24, 2007 01:55 AM

What is Bones, eight now? I think you had better start planning THe Talk with him right now. You probably will need that much prep time.

Posted by: Raging Mom at April 24, 2007 05:54 AM

10 is the magic age huh? I'll have to keep that in mind and put on more animal planet for them to watch!!!

Posted by: vw bug at April 24, 2007 06:00 AM

It's almost unfair that you didn't have a daugther, I would love to hear that conversation since that talk is a whole lot different than the boy one.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at April 24, 2007 07:40 AM

I keep waiting to find out if darling step-daughter will have this conversation with the egg donor, with daddy, with the idiot-step-father, with grandma, or with me.

I'm not sure who I'm rooting against in this one.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at April 24, 2007 07:44 AM

Would you come and have "the talk" with my girls?? I am trying your - just the facts, ma'am approach, but you do such a good job!

Posted by: Richmond at April 24, 2007 07:46 AM

I'm still laughing at the "Dad did this three times?" question. Ha!

Posted by: oddybobo at April 24, 2007 08:22 AM

There's a sharp kid for you.

“So. This means...you only did it two times wanting a baby and then you just...did it once because you wanted to?”

That's the Moment of Epiphany.

"Yes, son. If it were an unpleasant experience, then people wouldn't want to do it...and eventually, you'd have no more people. But when you do it with someone you love, why, there's no more wonderful experience in the world."

"So, explain to me alla them people on Dr. Phil..."

Posted by: Elisson at April 24, 2007 11:47 AM

Wow. Something to look forward to. I can see those wheels turning from here!!

Posted by: Marie at April 24, 2007 12:25 PM


Posted by: Omnibus Driver at April 24, 2007 12:50 PM

I will be sending Mr. Smooch down for an overnite in about 7 years!!

Posted by: pfb at April 24, 2007 02:00 PM

You did it because you wanted to? I love it!

Posted by: Denny at April 24, 2007 02:21 PM

Elisson- I did tell him at one point, "If it was a bad experience, there wouldn't be so many people in this world." I'm not sure he grasped that one.

Posted by: Bou at April 24, 2007 03:17 PM

ahhhh, about that big boy conversation? He will be the big boy on campus now because he has the answers
and will do some serious laughing about that baby found under the cabbage.

Posted by: GUYK at April 24, 2007 08:32 PM