April 25, 2007

Cured Feet

The Great Wedding of 2007 is upon us, this few short days away. Saturday. And since the event is to take place on the beach, a pedicure was in order pour moi.

I’ve never had a real pedicure. I had one a few years ago with PFB when she got married, but I specifically told the tech that she could not take off my calluses as I was doing that whole Karate stint at the time. Calluses can make or break you in Karate. So this one, now that that Karate phase of my life is over, was a complete pedicure, complete with callus work.

According to Morrigan I was in desperate need.

Now… I will say… that although there were some nice parts of the pedicure, the whole filing of the toenails thing was so utterly and completely miserable, I may not be able to do it again. I was doing Lamaze breathing to get through it. I think I did more Lamaze breathing with that portion of my pedicure than I did with the birth of my 2nd son that I did with no drugs… but then again… it was a quick birth.

I keep my toenails short anyway, so to file them… Ugh. I can’t even think about it. It makes me want to vomit. It’s like nails on a chalk board. Ick.

The whole ‘warm water jet’ thing was very nice, although the jets tickled my feet. I’m ticklish, which can be a bit of a problem when that whole, ‘rub the big funky stone all over the feet’ part comes in. Also at the end when there is the foot massage? Yeah, from the way she laughed at me, I think its not normal for people to giggle and pull their feet away.

But then… she pulled out… this thing that was like a mini-cheese grater. It was tiny. It looked like she should ask me if I wanted shredded Parmesan cheese with my pedicure. Later, when she took it apart to sterilize it, I saw it was a little contraption with a tiny razor blade in it, but for writing purposes I will call it the ‘cheese grater’.

So she took this cheese grater and started running it over my calluses. I didn’t feel a damn thing. I think I have skin as thick as an elephants. And as she ran the cheese grater across my calluses, skin was dropping onto the towel like… well… like a lot.

She looked at me and said in her Japanese English accent (this is a woman who is very dear to me, mind you), ‘Ahhh! You find new diet! You lose 5 pounds!”

Good grief. It was nasty. I said to her in reply, “Hey! Easy there! That’s 41 years of walking you have on that towel!!”

So my feet have been cured. I guess. They’ve been grated, clipped, buffed and polished. They look really nice… but they’re feet. They’re functional tools. I probably won’t do it again, but I have to admit… they do look nice.

Posted by Boudicca at April 25, 2007 09:43 PM | TrackBack

New diet! That if f'ing funny! Ha!

Brenda and I are getting our mani and pedi on Friday so they can dry on the drive.

Posted by: Sissy at April 25, 2007 09:59 PM

*sniff, sniff* I'm so proud! *wiping tear away*

Posted by: Morrigan at April 26, 2007 07:54 AM

Pictures... we want pictures.

Posted by: Dash at April 26, 2007 08:19 AM

Oh, you great big baby.

SWMBO demands that I get a pedicure every year before our Beach Vacation. That's because I have what my podiatrist friend calls, "Monkey Shit Feet." And I hate that ticklish pumice stone rubby business...but the filing doesn't bother me at all, nor does the Cheese Grater routine. But being in the Estrogen-Rich Environment of a nail salon? THAT is a mite bothersome. (Although after an hour of huffing nail polish fumes, I care not.)

Trust me when I tell you, your feet do not compare to mine in the Sheer Nastiness department.

Posted by: Elisson at April 26, 2007 10:07 AM

admit, you really ARE a girl :-)

Posted by: caltechgirl at April 26, 2007 01:21 PM

I have never had a pedicure... And to be honest I am not really wanting one right this second. :-) Thanks for taking one for the "team" so to speak - you're going to look beautiful (feet too!)

Posted by: Richmond at April 27, 2007 02:31 PM

And when you *do* post pictures, don't forget to title the entry "Toe Pr0n".

It's traditional :-)

Posted by: Harvey at April 30, 2007 10:47 AM