June 03, 2007

No Beans or Broccoli... please

Do you remember that Bill Cosby stand up show he did where he talked about passing gas? I think it was along the lines of Moms Don’t, but Dads Do.

Is that in every family or just mine?

Not that my husband is a big ‘pull the finger’ kind of guy. No, actually, my husband is a pretty modest kind of guy.

I’m talking about Moms here.

I overheard one of the boys say yesterday, while in the back of the car, “You remember that one time when Mom farted?”

And the reply was, “OH yeah, I remember that.”

Wait. There is something SO VERY WRONG with that.

First, why is this something one should file in one’s memory bank? Of all the things witnessed in a day, in a week, in a year, Mom farting is a memory to be cherished? Something to be remembered for a LIFE TIME and… discussed? Discussed as if it were a BIG EVENT?

WHAT. IS. THAT. ABOUT?

Good grief.

Second, why in the world would they think I DON’T? Just because I don’t do it 1) at the dinner table, 2) intentionally directing it at somebody like a weapon, and/or 3) announce it for everyone to know as if accolades should come my way? Like three other people I know. Who do ALL OF THE ABOVE!

Sometimes at the SAME TIME!!!

Good grief!

I am losing hope...

Posted by Boudicca at June 3, 2007 09:38 PM | TrackBack
Comments

I'd sooner drink a mushroom and waterbug smoothie than actually fart in front of someone. I have tremendous skillz in the clenched butt department. Nothing gets passed, so to speak.

Posted by: Erica at June 3, 2007 09:44 PM

Pull my finger.....

Posted by: Angos of Islay at June 3, 2007 10:54 PM

OMG, can't stop laughing...

Posted by: Mikedizzy at June 3, 2007 11:37 PM

Bou,
It must be tough being the only girl in the house. Be one of the guys. Just let one fly. You'll feel better. I promise.

Posted by: Jerry at June 4, 2007 01:10 AM

Ah boys... and yes, anything to do with bodily functions (especially those that create sound) will be cherished and remembered. *grin*

Posted by: Teresa at June 4, 2007 11:38 AM

You're outnumbered for sure, Sweetie. Hang in there!! ::leaves box of chocolate::

Posted by: Richmond at June 4, 2007 03:43 PM

it's just that us chicks are good at silence. Boys are jealous.

Posted by: caltechgirl at June 4, 2007 06:24 PM

It doesn't count unless it's a blue flame, at least 1.5 inches long.

Posted by: Cappy at June 4, 2007 06:50 PM

My mom always said "girls dont fart, they fluff." hahaha too funny And yeah my mom farted once and it seemed like it took her by surprise i couldnt stop laughing and its in the memory bank for good.

Posted by: AJ at June 4, 2007 07:45 PM

I think my mom must have saved it all up for one historic moment. Hitherto that point in time, even my dad believed she didn't fart - and he was a doctor, so he should have known better!

My brothers were supposed to be cutting firewood. They were not allowed to use the chainsaw when our dad wasn't home supervising. My oldest brother and I were at the kitchen table eating cereal. Next youngest brother, Bruce, was downstairs in the tv room, unaware that Ned was also in the house, instead of chopping wood (where he should have been).

Mom was in the upstairs bathroom, when she dealt an extended blast that rattled the plumbing, down to the foundation. I don't think the word "fluff" could begin to apply hear, unless you could mean she remotely fluffed all of the pillows in the house at one shot. Bruce comes storming up the stairs all indignant. "Who said Ned could use the chainsaw?!!!"

I don't know if the Guiness Book of Records has a category for this, or whether the Richter or Beaufort scale is more appropriate for determining the magnitude, but were it not for first hand ear-witness accounts this moment would be lost forever in time. It has, instead, become part of our family lore. It is possible it has grown with the telling, and may some day become a rural legend. They say that most legends have their basis in fact.

If a tree barks in the forest and nobody hears it, did it still make a sound? I have learned from my mother that it is prudent to step outside from time to time and hang with the shrubs, rather than risk becoming the stuff of legends.

Posted by: PeggyU at June 5, 2007 02:48 PM

Oh.My.GOD, Peggy, that is great stuff!!

Posted by: Bou at June 5, 2007 03:56 PM

Freudian slip ... "here" rather than "hear"... Still nobody can say the word "chainsaw" around our family without someone snickering!

Posted by: PeggyU at June 5, 2007 05:37 PM

Diane Ford, a very funny comic, said in one of her routines: "We dont sweat, we don't belch and we don't fart. If we didn't bitch, we'd explode!"

Posted by: Denny at June 5, 2007 10:50 PM

Denny: LOL! Now you can link that back to your article on the new pill!

Posted by: PeggyU at June 6, 2007 01:15 AM