August 08, 2007

Don't Feed the Squirrel... Maybe

And so the battle of the bird feeder continues.

1 squirrel

No birds

No butterflies in the garden.


My husband passed the window the other morning on the way to work and said, “Hey, your buddy the squirrel is out there…”


This morning said buddy was attached to it, eating as if it were his personal all you can eat buffet.

And seeing that we don’t have one damn bird, it kind of… is.


I was watching him eat today thinking, “I should grease the roof of that feeder and see if he just slides right off.” The feeder is on a shepherd’s hook. I need to watch how that piece of crap rodent gets on there.

Then I thought, “Aha! I will tar the top of that thing! I’ll put tar on the top of the birdfeeder and then when he jumps on it, he’ll stick. My own little tar baby scenario going on here.” But then I thought, “Well then… what in the hell do I do with a birdfeeder with a squirrel tarred to the top of it?”

As of now, I’m letting him dine. It will need fresh seed and I’d rather him pork out than have to throw away the bird feed. Maybe he’ll die of obesity. Maybe he’ll just gorge himself so full of seed he’ll die some squirrel health related death.

Just as long as he doesn’t have any squirrel buddies. One I can deal with. Anymore and I’ll have to post a squirrel head on a pike to let the others know… “Stay away from this feeder!”


Posted by Boudicca at August 8, 2007 08:29 PM | TrackBack

I like the tar idea, hell, either way it'd bring birds. Maybe birds a little higher up on the food chain than what you're lookin' for, but I'm sure the buzzards would flock to a squirrel stuck like tar-baby to the top of a bird feeder. Now, if he does have buddies, little squirrel dude, I'm sure buzzard boy's got some too. Might have a little fun explainin' why buzzards are circlin' your property, but hey, there's some street cred to be had there... You can always say, "They're here for the last fool that asked me why buzzards circled my property"...

If that doesn't do it, try one of those funky lookin' funnel jobs above and below, and just for fun, rig the funnels like a bug/squirel zapper... You can do it. ;)

Posted by: RedNeck at August 8, 2007 08:36 PM

Oh good grief, we get turkey vultures like crazy. When an animal dies in someone's yard, it looks like Halloween! I could do that... absolutely. It is giving me thought... although I think it might irritate my husband a bit, for me to leave a squirrel in the front yard, right in front of the dining room window, to be fed upon by vultures. But it is a thought...

Posted by: Bou at August 8, 2007 08:45 PM

Add cayenne pepper to the bird food. Squirrels HATE it but birds can't taste it.

Posted by: caltechgirl at August 8, 2007 10:37 PM

Where are the alligators when you need them?

Posted by: Peggy U at August 8, 2007 11:26 PM

"I’ll have to post a squirrel head on a pike..."

I'm gonna need pictures of that, if you don't mind... ;)

Posted by: pam at August 9, 2007 06:55 AM

I'm trying Vaseline on my shepherd's crook right now; I'll let you know how that works out. Old Sarge says he has seen the damn squirrel shimmying up it.

With my luck, squirrels will find Vaseline a culinary delight.

Posted by: Raging Mom at August 9, 2007 07:51 AM


Your situation is why well practiced and regulated 9 year old boys and pellet rifles go together so well. They do a great job of lying in wait. They hardly ever miss, either. Thin those bushy tailed freeloading rats out!

Just wait until they infest your attic!!

Posted by: Gabby at August 9, 2007 03:08 PM

I like the pellet gun idea.
Heck, karate won't work here.

Posted by: mockinbird at August 9, 2007 03:43 PM

Treerats bein' treerats they are gonna eat whatever they can get to and bird feed is also treerat feed,as is rose buds and other such flowers and bean seed in the garden and tomatoes on a vine.

But I have two bird feeders that the treerats can't get to..had to build them myself but they do the trick. I'll send you a picture...

Posted by: GUYK at August 9, 2007 05:04 PM

Bou, it could be worse than the squirrels.

(H/T to Closet Extremist)

Posted by: Mrs. Who at August 9, 2007 09:48 PM