August 13, 2007

The Then, The Now... and The Axe

So this time three years ago, when I’d just been blogging for a few months, Ringo was going into fourth grade.

His hair was cut very short… he wanted to be near bald.
He had only just started playing some game called Age of the Empires and that was on disk. He did NOTHING on-line.
He awoke by 7:30 or 8:00 every morning there was not school.
Girls meant nothing… they were just filler bodies in the classroom.
He ate a normal amount of food… just three square meals and an occasional snack.
His buddies would spend the night and everyone would be in bed by 10, having eaten last at dinner.
He was about to learn how to play the trumpet, and he thought it was cool.
He used whatever soap I had in the shower and whatever scented shampoo his brothers picked out.

Now.

His hair is crazy long and he is getting it cut only because the school requires it.
He has an AIM account and IMs girls… sometimes onto their cell.
World of Warcraft is the game to play… on disk and on-line.
The other day he woke up at 11:30.
Girls appear to be more than just taking space now.
He eats pretty constantly.
When his buddies come over to stay the night, they want to stay up all night and they eat until 10PM.
The trumpet is no longer cool and he plays the bass guitar.

And this is the biggest one.

Today in Publix he said to me, “Mom, I’m going to buy my own soap, OK?” and with that he disappeared down the aisle, assuring me he’d find me.

He returned with a black bottle of something called… Axe. And I kid you not as I type what is written on this bottle, that my 12 year old insists he needs to wash with…

“A revitalizing shower gel made especially for guys which combines a seductive fragrance with an intense clean.”

Then it says: Axe shower… How dirty boys get clean.

Holy crap.

Further down in a big red box, like a warning box is says:

Experience the Axe Effect
The Axe Effect may result in, but is not limited to, unrelenting female attention and/or late nights.

Below that is a picture that has a 1. and a picture of a shower head and a 2. with a picture of a guy with each arm around a girl, implying? If you use axe two girls will show up in your shower?

Gah!

Holy crap. Holy crap. Holy crap.

And I went onto their website… Good Grief. I’m thinking I’m not ready for this “mother of a teen boy” thing.

But worse, but definitely laughable, will be Bones. I know Bones is going to come out of the shower one night, his hair all slicked back, strutting in the room, thinking he is cool (because this is how he is, you have to see it to fully understand it), smelling of Axe.

Great.

Posted by Boudicca at August 13, 2007 07:58 PM | TrackBack
Comments

That picture of the two girls in the shower is easily explained.

The boy in the picture obviously used shampoo with... ::snicker::... EXTRA BODY!!!


::runs away snorting, bumps into own 12-year-old son who is shopping for mousse::
Crap.

Posted by: Roses at August 13, 2007 08:42 PM

LOL! Extra body. Well it appears it was 'bodies'. Good Grief. And no mousse yet... but that could be next. Does Axe sell that too?

Posted by: Bou at August 13, 2007 08:49 PM

Not just plain old AXE anymore...new and improved with Boom Chicka Wah Wah.

You should know, my Godson lives in the same house as me and I have watched him turn, since I'm living here for about seven years, from a chubby pre-pubescent, hairless, sexless fat tittyboy geekchild into a large, hulking stud with nekkid pictures of girls on his walls, a forest of matted hair on his chest, pulsatingly huge muscles, and...a bottle of AXE on his dresser.

I think they must mix that stuff with Spanish Fly or something.

Posted by: Erica at August 13, 2007 09:05 PM

The Axe marketing people are geniuses, btw. The husband and I love their TV commercials.
The husband says, based solely on those commercials, he would SO buy Axe if he was single.
And I told him that if he was single, I would SO buy it for him.

Posted by: Roses at August 13, 2007 09:32 PM

OMG!

That stuff soooo stinks!

It gives me an instant migraine...no kidding!

I can't wait for him to read all this in another ten to twenty years. He's going to cringe...BIG time.

Posted by: Christina at August 13, 2007 09:58 PM

LOL - yeah, the Axe commercials are genius. I think they're ridiculous, but they're just the thing to appeal to young teen boys. Just remind him... whatever scent he has on should never enter the room before he does. ;-)

Posted by: Teresa at August 13, 2007 10:30 PM

Two years ago, we had the son of a family friend come to visit. He is from Switzerland. At 15, he was quite the stud muffin. And he accidentally left behind some of his cologne and hair gel (with German writing on the containers, but still pretty easy to decipher). Our daughter laughed so hard when she found it on the bathroom counter. What you're going through with Ringo - it transcends cultural differences!

Our oldest boy, however, is such a geek. Girls had to come and drag him away from the computer to go to the carnival, then he returns about an hour later complaining about the cost of the rides ... and goes back to being glued to the computer. Husband had to have a talk with him about priorities.

Posted by: Peggy U at August 13, 2007 11:33 PM

Axe is potent. The boys carried around the little spray cans. It covers up all sweaty smells after sitting in the exhausting heat in full band geek attire for the duration of the football game. It permeates the entire band room and/or bus so you can smell nothing else. It kills your sense of smell eventually. I have tolerated it for years.

The positive side of the girl thing is that you no longer have to drag them screaming into the bathroom to take a bath. We have done hair gel, hair coloring, and the whole Axe bit.

Posted by: sticks at August 14, 2007 01:49 AM

Heh .. same stuff found it's way into our house about the same 'age' time. That sleeping and eating part ... you may want to start measuring your young man ... he is entering growth spurt age. We started putting the date next to the measuring marks ours made on the garage door and I just looked... two inches taller since October. Yep ... food and sleep ... it's a given.

Better double check the shoes before school starts.

Posted by: cin at August 14, 2007 02:02 AM

I'm with you on the headache part. Somebody sprays that stuff in my class room and WHAMO! instant headache.
Enjoy your "girlie years"

Posted by: holder at August 14, 2007 05:19 AM

I wonder if it will still be the 'thing' in 10 years?

Posted by: vw bug at August 14, 2007 05:28 AM

I doubt it will be the thing in 10 years.

But there will be a smelly spray can right behind the Axe waiting to take its place...probably called Hatchet. Whoo-aa, Kick it up a notch!

Posted by: Rave at August 14, 2007 08:34 AM

I'm so ready for the day step-daughter believes in personal cleanliness. The egg donor has convinced her she only needs to wash her hair ONCE A WEEK! It continues to be nasty and disgusting. But I'm done fighting her on it. If the egg donor wants her child to be filthy, fine. But she may not utilize my brush.

The Axe commercials amuse me.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at August 14, 2007 08:51 AM

Good Gawd.

Ringo is clearly deep into the Hormonal Period. Enjoy.

Since they can't sell beer (legally) to 14-year-olds, this is the next best thing. Stinkum!

The folks who market Axe have hit the mother lode. They're just this shy of saying, "Put this stuff on and get laid! Free condom in every package!"

Posted by: Elisson at August 14, 2007 09:10 AM

That stuff gives me a headache too, but the marketing people are genius!

Posted by: Oddybobo at August 14, 2007 09:18 AM

Welcome to the world of teenage boys! Enjoy! It is a wild ride!

Posted by: Lori at August 14, 2007 09:23 AM

Oh, I HATE that stuff. One of the better dancers in our group of swing dancers used to spray it on right before a dance, and I never would dance with him for the first hour. Yuck!

Good luck, Bou.

Posted by: Amity at August 14, 2007 11:27 AM

Teenage boys! My son's poison was 'Obsession'
(it was the thing then). The whole house smelled like it...except his room, which smelled like dirty sox! Have fun...they are more fun than girls!

Posted by: sailynn at August 14, 2007 11:43 AM

Hoo boy - it's going to get interesting, isn't it?? I keep reminding myself to buckle up. We are about to merge onto the hormone superhighway...

Posted by: Richmond at August 14, 2007 04:32 PM

BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Did you watch the commercials? Funny stuff

Posted by: GUYK at August 14, 2007 06:29 PM

I could roll around in a steaming pile of manure and chicks would still dig me.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at August 14, 2007 07:24 PM

That's chicks as in baby chickens, right?

Posted by: Peggy U at August 14, 2007 11:19 PM

Ahhhh, the teenage years. May as well lock him up in a closet until he's 21. It's not going to be pretty.

Posted by: Jerry at August 14, 2007 11:44 PM

21? I think 25 is better.

Posted by: Peggy U at August 15, 2007 03:45 AM

SO glad I don't have a teen boy... But knowing that girls will be twice as bad!

Posted by: Jody at August 15, 2007 11:11 AM

We've come a long way. When I was a teen it was either Canoe or English Leather.

Posted by: Denny at August 15, 2007 06:06 PM

I remember Old Spice. Ack.

Posted by: Peggy U at August 15, 2007 07:05 PM

I am LMAO. 27 comments... shows me that Axe sucks, makes us laugh, and that scent is a big frickin' memory for everyone.

Boy... Obessession brought back some memories.

TN- Thats so the chickens will peck at you, if I recall!

Posted by: Bou at August 15, 2007 07:44 PM