November 25, 2007

Its Beginning to Feel a Bit Like Christmas or Crazy Husbands Trying to Assist the Airport with their Holiday Airplane Traffic

Christmas must be coming because my husband was on the roof today. His disability is paid up. I checked. And the following conversation transpired today, to the best of my recollection.

Me: Where’s your father?

Ringo: On the roof.

Me: Great. I have to run errands and return something for him at Wal-Mart. Come show me where he is.

He led me to the part where it was easiest to see my ever lovin’ husband, on the peak, setting up lights, because, we all know, the airplanes can’t find the Palm Beach International Airport in the month of December without our house lit showing the way.

Me, handing Ringo the phone: Here’s the deal. If he falls off the roof, I need you to call 911.

Ringo: *blank stare*

Me: Then call me on my cell. I’ll set my ring to 4 and vibrate so I hear it. You know our address?

Ringo: Mom, I’m 12.

Me: Just checking. So keep an eye on him, OK?

Ringo looked up at his Dad on the roof. My husband looked down.

Me, shouting to the top: I’M GOING TO WAL-MART AND TO PICK UP THE BOYSCOUT POPCORN. I TOLD RINGO THAT IF YOU FALL OFF THE ROOF THAT HE IS TO CALL 911 FIRST AND THEN CALL ME!

Husband: *blank stare*

I am beginning to realize where my son gets his facial expressions. This blank stare is looking very familiar among those that hold a y-chromosome in this home.

Bones came out and overheard some of it and said, “Mom, I’ll sit out here and watch to see if Dad falls off the roof…”

Me: Thank you.

With that, I left, but not before quickly stopping the asexual mom-mobile, rolling down the window and leaving these parting words for Ringo, “Your father is on the roof. You’re the responsible party now. Check on him frequently.”

I was met, yet again, with a blank stare.

Let me state up front, that Wal-mart is a soulless hell hole that will suck the Christmas spirit out of you. I refuse to go back there during the Christmas season and I realize now why TGOO refuses to ever die in Wal-mart. On my list of druther not dies, Wal-mart is 2nd only to falling 30,000 feet out of the air in an airplane, a thought I find absolutely terrifying.

The people who work at Wal-mart, have blank expressions. I would be worried that my eldest may be aspiring to work at Wal-mart, with the way he emotes, or rather does not emote, except I am thinking he has acquired this blank stare when speaking to me honestly. A father/son trait exhibited when being confronted by what they find to be puzzling conversations by those who hold the xx chromosome.

Or maybe just me and chromosomes have nothing to do with it.

My husband picked up some plastic storage bins for me from said soulless place this morning and accidentally picked up the wrong sized lids. That’s cool. It happens.

On the drive to the soulless hell hole that will suck the Christmas spirit out of you, Bones called me to buy batteries. I said to him, “Bones, do not call me unless your Dad falls off the roof. I’m busy…”

While waiting in Customer service to exchange the lids, my cell phone rang. Again. It was Bones. I could feel it.

I answered, “Did your Dad fall off the roof yet?”

The little blonde haired 18 year old girl/woman with the tight mid drift shirt, running shorts, and very flat tummy, turned around to look at me rather aghast.

Bones: No.

Me: I’m busy, son. I’m in line and I don’t like to talk on my cell phone in public. I will call you back. DO NOT call me again unless your father falls off the roof. Have I made myself clear?

Bones: OK.

*click*

I have to wonder what that young woman thought. Heh.

Let the Christmas Season begin!!!

Posted by Boudicca at November 25, 2007 09:26 PM | TrackBack
Comments

LMAO!! I have a feeling the blank stare has nothing to do with your chromosomes, but the crazy things that come out of you.

When the boys are older, they will tell stories about not being able to call their mother unless their father fell off the roof.

Posted by: Sissy at November 25, 2007 10:30 PM

You know, I was wondering if I should be taking this blank stare thing personally. I got that same damn stare that time I came in the house after cycling for an hour and declared to them that I had to get a new bike seat as the old one made my whoo whoo fall asleep. I blogged on that... all four of them, staring me down like I was from frickin' Mars.

Sheesh.

Posted by: Bou at November 25, 2007 10:40 PM

They stare like that because you are the mom (or the wife) but anyhow, you're related. Watch them, they don't do it to other people... or I should say the boys might only do it to other mothers who are acting like mothers around them. LOL.

I with TGOO - I would rather die anywhere (including a plane crash) than in Wal-mart. I realize it serves a purpose... that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Posted by: Teresa at November 25, 2007 10:53 PM

LOL Bou!
we braved the souless hell hole exchange counter today, too. I feel your pain.

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at November 25, 2007 11:12 PM

LOL! I can relate. Definitely. On that blank stare.

Posted by: vw bug at November 26, 2007 06:13 AM

Be thankful that you have a husband willing to go on the roof. Mine cannot even stand to go in the attic. The roof would be totally out of the question.

Posted by: Lukie at November 26, 2007 02:51 PM

"...Wal-mart is a soulless hell hole that will suck the Christmas spirit out of you."

I had to run to the Wal Mart Thanksgiving day, and noted that on November 22, it was the last time I'll be visiting that particular business until 2008.

And personally? I just want to call bull puckey on their commercials, the ones that say they'll have more cashiers open this season? I'd say "I'll believe it when I see it," except that I won't be there. So I guess I just won't believe it....

Posted by: Tommy at November 26, 2007 06:37 PM

LOL! And this is why we decorate windows - from the inside. : ) I would Stroke out if my DH was on the roof stringing lights...

Posted by: Richmond at November 26, 2007 08:11 PM

This might be a Brooklyn thing, but I haven't been to a Wally World in YEARS. Three, maybe four or five? Wal-mart, K-mart...I don't think I've even ever set foot in a Kohls. Nothing against them, but they're just not super local here. Although, there is a K-mart...or is it a Wal-mart?...in Greenwich Village that I've been to a handful of times, less than I could count on one hand.

Posted by: Erica at November 27, 2007 07:15 AM

When ever Mr Weenie starts a project involving heights or electricity I ask him to repeat to me what to call in case of emergency, several times. Because I usually will leave the house during these times because I can't be around during heights or electrical ventures, scares the crap out of me to much.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at November 27, 2007 08:44 AM