November 29, 2007

Confessions of a Crappy Sometimes House Wife

To the anal retentive clean folks, I’m going to probably repulse you.

To the average person, I’m probably going to get you to raise an eyebrow.

I suspect I should not admit this, but this is my blog, and I do tend to put an awful lot out there.

So here it goes.

I cleaned my refrigerator today.

For the first time in 11 ½ years.

Ummm… that would be I cleaned my refrigerator today for the first time EVER.

But wait, a bit of clarification, yes, I have washed out my vegetable and meat bins. Sometimes vegetables turn to water and that is just nasty. And I think I washed out a couple of the door bins… once… or twice. The door shelvey things that hold the condiments.

But that would be it. Oh wait, I've wiped down a shelf or two before… when something spilled. Only then.

It’s just not on my radar. But I had some vegetables turn to water the other day, celery was the rotting culprit, and as I cleaned out the bin, washing it down, I thought, ‘the rest of the fridge could use this… I feel certain’.

And so today, I spent two hours, pulling out every shelf, ever bin, every… everything, threw out old food (which I do once a week… give me credit for that!), condiments that had gotten old (ick… don’t ask me about the last time I did condiments), washed everything with warm soap and water, and wiped down the inside of the fridge.

It is CLEAN.

And this is what I learned… we have way to much frickin’ mustard in this house. Why. Why do we have FIVE kinds of mustard? I have yellow mustard, grey poupon, mustard with wine, mustard with mayo, mustard with… grainy stuff in it. WHY. I have no clue.

They are still there, but now they are at least located on the same shelf.

What in the heck possessed me to buy peach jelly? Evidently it was not a hit because: 1) I don’t remember buying it so it must’ve been a long time ago and 2) there is half a jar left.

A refrigerator is MUCH brighter when all the shelves have been washed. I have wiped them down, but never at the same time, so the fridge light never really filtered through all the glass shelves. Now when I open the fridge its like a neon light, “OPEN!!!!”

Good grief. Whoda thunk it?

And there looks like there is more room in the fridge when it’s clean because the empty space is so bright!

The low light was when I was scrubbing the walls down and kept scraping some pink stuff thinking, “What is this? Bubble gum” and then realizing, “Oh. Yuck. Its yogurt…”


The highlight is… wow. It’s clean. The freezer is next. I do clean out old food from my freezer frequently, but I’ve never actually CLEANED it. Scary scary. I’m such a sucky housewife…

I shouldn’t quit my day job…

**Update: My oldest son just read this and said the following:

1) "Mom, Big Daddy bought the peach jelly. We all hated it. That's why its still there."

2) "I have to go look. All that hard work and none of us noticed." (This is why it probably never got cleaned. I hate doing crap that nobody notices... its so frickin' thankless, which is generally the life of a Mom anyway, but still.)

3) And upon returning from looking at the clean fridge he said, "Mom, make sure you tell them that it was really dirty. You got out all the nasty old jello, pudding and crumbs. It was really bad... and now its really really clean." He's exaggerating. There was no pudding...

Posted by Boudicca at November 29, 2007 10:06 PM | TrackBack

WHAT? No one liked my peach jelly??? Jeeze! Don't throw it out. I'll eat it when we come for Christmas.

Posted by: Angus of Glen Coe at November 29, 2007 10:25 PM

You know how I am always wondering if I'm losing my mind? How I do things and wonder if I'm showing symptoms of early onset Alzheimers? Like the time I forgot how to use that system at work and thought I'd finally had it, since I'd used this system every day for 6 months, only to have a co-worker finally tell me that they had revamped the system (except for visually) the night before and so nobody knew what was going on?

Yeah, well, the peach jelly was another one of those. I was cleaning out the shelf, laying out the jellies and I thought, "Why do I not remember buying this. When did I buy this? Why did I buy this? What in the HELL possessed me to buy this? Why can I not remember this. Why have I blocked this out of my mind? Am I losing my mind? I have a photo memory, why do I not remember this jelly?"

I'm not kidding.

And then Ringo reads over my shoulder and informs me YOU bought it. And it all became so clear.

Thank God.

Holy crap. Thinking I was losing my mind over a half filled jar of peach jelly...

Posted by: Bou at November 29, 2007 10:34 PM

Oh and it will be here waiting for you...

Posted by: Bou at November 29, 2007 10:34 PM

Bou.. You are just more honest and open than we are. You think we all don't think the same thing when we FINALLY decide to clean our fridges? And please don't get depressed when, 10 days from now, you look in there, and it looks JUST LIKE IT DID BEFORE YOU CLEANED IT! We have all been there! luvya!

Posted by: kd at November 29, 2007 10:35 PM

NOOOOO! Say it isn't so! It has to look this way at least until my folks come!! They arrive on the 20th. I have 21 days to keep this sucker looking just like this!!

And since I'm confessing... my oven only gets cleaned when my Mom comes. And its self cleaning. Its pathetic... and wait. Did I tell you I cook a lot? Yeah, its not a good thing to wait to clean your oven for the first time... at 8 years. Blech.

Posted by: Bou at November 29, 2007 10:52 PM

Bou, you are a girl after my own heart! Our refrigerator is the spawning ground for new life forms. I'd clean it, but I think that would violate someone's environmental policy about not upsetting the balance of a precarious and delicate emerging ecosystem. When the celery grows legs and eyestalks and pries its way out of the refrigerator to go exploring, I will be the first to observe it and label it. Some people hunt through dark jungles their entire lives in hopes of identifying new species. I say, why bother with that inconvenience when you've got the makings in the fridge?

As a secondary product, we've also got fridge smells - which nobody seems to be lining up to sample. Writersblock, where do you find these people who want stench? I smell a cottage industry in the making ...

Posted by: Peggy U at November 29, 2007 11:09 PM

Ringo exagerate? No way! I wonder who he got that from?

I sometimes have things in the fridge that I just don't take out because I know when they come out and I go to empty the container, I am going to hurl from the cold stench. I rather it take up space in the fridge stench-free.

Posted by: Sissy at November 29, 2007 11:10 PM

Why do you think you're the only one who does this? Although now I have to tell my refrigerator's a post in and of itself. heh. See what you started. I think it's a good post for Erica's place since I'm guest blogging there.


Posted by: Teresa at November 30, 2007 12:46 AM

Ok, just call me anal retentive then ...

I clean ours out once a year. I get disgusted by how it looks and gets cleaned, which just happens to be once a year.

I also change my baking soda boxes out every 6 months.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at November 30, 2007 08:35 AM

I cleaned out our fridge this summmer-and I thought a year was a long time to wait! You have me WAY beat.
We too had like 5 containers of mustard- but ours were all spiced. I told Flam he is not allowed to buy mustard of any kind without talking to me first. ;-)We have a lot of strange items we needed for one recipe and haven't used again. I'm afraid if I throw it out we'll need it.

Posted by: Morrigan at November 30, 2007 09:12 AM

Three adults in my house: I'm the only one who throws things away from the frige. My MIL last night: "something stinks in the refrigerator." Me ::massive eye roll:: The culprit was tupperware she never puts the lid on all the way. Three of them. But one was shrimp from... October? September? Holy God the stench!

I sent it off the the army to train our troops!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at November 30, 2007 09:31 AM

The last time my refrigerator was cleaned, my sister did it on one of her visits. Heh. Heh. Heh. She and her husband come twice a year and do all my outdoor pruning for me. They missed a year and that's when the HOA Nazi got on me about some bushes that needed pruning. I'm pretty much a slob. Fortunately, I live alone.

Posted by: Denny at November 30, 2007 01:16 PM

I need a sister. I'm willing to adopt.

Posted by: Peggy U at November 30, 2007 01:58 PM

In this wise has the Reading of Blogs so enriched my life.

Posted by: Elisson at November 30, 2007 04:28 PM

Bou, this sounds like me. I am not a good housekeeper at all (I am not saying you are a bad housekeeper. I am talking about me) My husband's first wife had the middle initals CW and everyone jokes that it stood for Cleaning Woman. Well he got the exact opposite when he married me. I only clean when we are having company. We haven't had company in quite some time.

Posted by: Lukie at November 30, 2007 07:04 PM

about three years ago I got the bright idea of making some sugarless Koolade ice cubes. I put the tray in the fridge freezer and of course spilled it..and it froze and the freezer is still purple..hmmmm but it is frozen so I reckon it is sanitary...

Posted by: GUYK at November 30, 2007 07:33 PM

How to keep the fridge clean until the folks get there? Eat out. A lot.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at December 1, 2007 04:47 PM

If I come to visit, can we get take-out?

Posted by: Jerry at December 2, 2007 09:53 AM

So has anyone ever made dust angels at your house?

Posted by: The Thomas at December 2, 2007 10:22 AM

The Thomas: Now that's pretty funny! (We don't have dust bunnies at our house; we call them dust elephants.)

Posted by: Peggy U at December 2, 2007 02:57 PM

I had to clean this past summer when my fridge went insane, and decided to turn cold enough to freeze cans of coke to the bursting point.

I think the most disconcerting thing was the jar of blackberry preserves that had grown mold to the point that the lid was nearly impossible to pry off.

That staph superbug would have had nothing on the penicillin growing in my fridge....

Posted by: Tommy at December 2, 2007 06:10 PM

Thomas- It was just the fridge! My house is not that dirty! Mostly. Not. Ahem. I just tend to have paper problems. Too much paper and a dirty fridge. And oven.

Posted by: Bou at December 2, 2007 10:07 PM