February 05, 2008

Boy Thinking

At dinner last night, the following conversation happened with Bones:

Bones: Iím sick of Mr. Tís friend calling me names and teasing me.

(Mr. T has a female friend who is close enough to my family that she teases Bones like a little brother.)

Mr. T: She is being teased by some older kids about her acne.

Me: Well neither of those things is nice and really bother me.

(I sound like such a frickiní Mom sometimesÖ when did that happen? How did that happen?)

Bones: Well, Iím sick of it and if sheís doesnít stop, Iím going to call her a Blonde Lesbian and see what she thinks!

Me and Mr T: *collective BLINK*

Big Pause.

Another *blink* as Mr. T looks at me.

Me: Dude. Where in the heck did you hear that?

Bones: Josh. He called an 8th grader that the other day.

Me: Do you know what that means?

Bones: Yup. Josh said that a lesbian is a girl hippy or hobo.

Nice. I love having to clarify about alternative life styles to my EIGHT year old. I sure as heck couldnít let him keep believing lesbians are girl hippies or hobos. I could just hear him getting in a shouting match with a girl during recess and having a teacher overhear that whole dealie.


Because weíre talking about MY life and that would MOST DEFINITELY happen.

The following conversation ensued yesterday to the best of my recollection:

Mr. T: The pig is the Webkinz of the month for March.

Me: Mmmm.

Mr. T: I donít own the pig.

Me: no, I donít suppose you do.

Mr. T: If they had a pig on sale, Iíd not buy the pig.

Me: No.

Mr. T: I only buy the cool ones.

Me: Mmm. That would be the ones that either kill or feed their babies their own poop.

Mr. T: Exactly.

Iím so glad that Iím slowly breaking the key into the boy code of thinking. (Ref THIS Webkinz post for those that the above did not make sense.)

Posted by Boudicca at February 5, 2008 09:42 PM | TrackBack

and i thought you were gonna say the pig was blond...what a relief.

Posted by: Jay- the friendly neighborhood piper at February 5, 2008 11:02 PM

LOL. I needed the laugh this morning, thanks

Posted by: vw bug at February 6, 2008 05:56 AM

My eight year old was informed correctly what gay meant. She explained it to us at dinner so now my 5 year old knows.

Oldest: It is when a man loves another man.

Youngest: Daddy love Papa. (his Dad)

Oldest: But not enough to marry him.

Posted by: Amy at February 6, 2008 08:29 AM

Having lived in another country when Paul was little, we weren't forced to face the homosexual talk until we moved back home when he was eleven.

(OH, and thank you, so much, gay activists, for that nuance added to the perils of parenting.)

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at February 6, 2008 09:09 AM

I don't get the whole WebKinz phenom. Then again, I don't have kids so I am spared those kinds of joys. That and these kinds of dinner table conversations. The most controversial it gets in my house these days is when we disagree on what we are having for dinner. Oh yeah, and mention Hillary Clinton to either The Hubby or me and see what happens...

Posted by: Kris, in New England at February 6, 2008 10:45 AM

I knew what "queer" meant before I reached middle school, but it still didn't brace me for what I saw when I was 12. I had gone with a friend and her mom to Idaho Falls because her mom had some errands to run and some major grocery shopping to do. That's what happens when you live in the middle of nowhere - you have to plan a whole day of travel to get that kind of stuff done! Well, Eva's mom had stopped at a sewing and vacuum cleaner repair place to pick up her sewing machine. She left us parked in the car near an alley. We saw a couple of guys walk into the alley holding hands. They commenced to kiss each other, then proceeded to some seriously heavy petting, and were starting to remove some clothing when Eva's mom appeared toting her sewing machine. Eva and I had been staring, transfixed and completely grottified, but when her mom showed up the two guys hightailed it out of there. They must have seen us kids gawking at them, but they didn't want to be caught by an adult. So even though it isn't PC, I have to admit gay guys still kind of creep me out. Knowing what "gay" means is not the same thing as seeing what gay means. Eva's mom fielded questions all the long ride home. At one point we got donuts. I think it was a diversionary tactic, looking back on it. They were very good donuts.

Posted by: Peggy U at February 6, 2008 12:32 PM

Mmm, donuts!

I do believe the high point of my career was when I finally had enough senority to avoid the detail when it was time to remind the gays that they shouldn't make whoopie in the public parks.

Although I'm not sure it was really gays we were busting, half were married. Oh well, I'm glad I don't have to understand anyone's sex life but the one I used to have before I got so damned old.

I still like donuts, though.

Posted by: Peter at February 7, 2008 01:35 AM

You are constantly reminding me that I am so thankful my boy is up and out. My revenge: grandchildren, hee hee.


Nice blog!

Posted by: Allen at February 7, 2008 05:37 PM

Please tell Bones not to think bad of Boxcar Willie. He wasn't a hippy for danged sure, yeah, he had a beard, I think, but to start profilin' hobo's is wrong... They just have a train fetish.

Explain that on to him, K?

Posted by: RedNeck at February 7, 2008 09:08 PM

T may want to rethink his stance on pigs. They can be brutal...

One of the first things I was told when I started working around the hogs was not to yell or scream if they knocked me down. It drives them nuts, and they'll kill ya. I've seen them kill their piglets when they've squealed as momma hog stepped on them.

They're also omnivorous. That scene from "Snatch," where Bricktop was talking about feeding his victims to hogs... it's happened.

Pigs are actually pretty damned cool. And so are the animals... hehehehe....

Posted by: That 1 Guy at February 7, 2008 09:23 PM

That 1 Guy: I agree. I got chased by one of my Grandpa's sows once, and it was pretty unnerving! They move fairly fast, too!

Posted by: Peggy U at February 7, 2008 10:23 PM