February 20, 2008

Anatomy on a 3rd Grade Level

Mr. T said to me the other day, “And he got hit in the recess equipment!”

I sat there for a minute and said finally, “Recess equipment? Y’all were on the playground?”

And he said, “Nooooo, that’s what we call our privates. Our ‘recess equipment”.

Now I don’t know who came up with this new adage, the 5th grade boys. I strongly suspect, however, that they have no idea how much ‘recess equipment’ their body parts really will be one day.

I know how men sometimes ‘name’ their appendages. If I hear that Mr. T, as an adult, eventually names his the ‘Jungle Gym of Love’, I will know from where it started.

Good Grief.

Meanwhile, I’ve been studying with Bones for Science… body systems is what they are learning. He could not remember for.the.life.of.him that the intestines were in the digestive system. He kept saying, “Nervous? Muscular?”

It didn’t matter how many times I told him.

Finally in the car this morning, out of great frustration, I said, “BONES. LISTEN TO ME. Your food goes into your stomach where it is digested and sent into your intestines where the nutrients are absorbed out of it and it gets further mashed and turns to POO.”

A light went off. He remembers now. And will quote what the intestines do at great length.

Because you know… life is all about the snacks and… the excrement.

And on the same line, I was having dinner with the boys alone tonight as their father is away on business for the week. More came up about bodily systems and the following conversation ensued, to the best of my recollection:

Bones: Hair. What system in hair in?

Me, after having answered a barrage of similar questions: Dude, I’m tired. You win. I don’t know…

Bones: Oh. Fingernails?

Me: Please. I’ll look it up after dinner.

Bones: OK, fine, how about those little balls in our bladder?

Me: *blink* What? Balls in your bladder.

The other two boys are starting to laugh.

Bones: You know… the BAAAALLS.

Mr. T: The ones that are in the sack?

Me: Wait. That’s not your bladder! Your bladder is HERE (and I poked him about where it would be.)

Bones: Oh yeah. I knew that.

Me: Allow me to reiterate, your ‘sack’ does not hold pee.

Mr. T: Yup, your sack holds the balls.

Me: And your balls do not hold pee. Are we clear on all this?

Bones: yeah, yeah, I knew that.

Me: Reproductive. Your balls are part of your reproductive system. I’m going to clean the kitchen now.

I’m going to bed. I’m beat. It’s the questions that beat me down. Maybe it’s the type of questions that are exhausting me… but… it just does not stop. And I KNOW on some level... that these conversations get repeated with their friends. I pray he doesn't ask these types of questions to his teacher. Gah!

Then again… it could be worse. My husband is in Chicago… where it’s something like 5 degrees… some horribly insanely cold temperature. Blech!

Posted by Boudicca at February 20, 2008 10:45 PM | TrackBack

I just don't know how you do it. Without laughing, I mean. Peeing balls....wow.

Posted by: Erica at February 21, 2008 08:17 AM

That's hilarious! Jungle Gym of Love!

I love kids because they haven't learned to keep things like 'balls' to themselves yet as a subject, and not just when going over homework with Mom. Instead of political correctness, everything is up for grabs. Ah, the innocence!

Posted by: pam at February 21, 2008 09:44 AM

It is the questions that I love! The part where you get to help a kid through a thought or learn something. It is the questionst that I love. At my house, it is four year old questions and the questions sorta go like this . . . "are santa and god friends? Why?" I love it!

Posted by: oddybobo at February 21, 2008 09:49 AM

At my home we call them "cookies". Don't know where we came up with that, but it stuck.

And Oddybobo, my 5 year old is convince that Jesus and Santa talk. How else would Santa know what you want?

Posted by: Navy CPO at February 21, 2008 10:44 AM

Yea, 5 degrees! As one who is living with that god-awful temperature right now, may I say: Don't even bother asking your husband where his "recess equipment" is right now!

Posted by: Raging Mom at February 21, 2008 10:55 AM

It's all about the 'tackle' here at our house.

Posted by: Sugar Britches at February 21, 2008 11:29 AM

It's cold - but you're okay as long as you dress warmly and don't take deep breaths. ; ) I cannot WAIT for Spring.

Posted by: Richmond at February 21, 2008 12:27 PM

The Jungle Gym of Love?? LOL Your boys are too funny. And Bou? I think they get it from YOU! LOL!

Posted by: Laura at February 21, 2008 05:39 PM

5 degrees in Chicago at this time of the year is a heat wave.

Posted by: Denny at February 21, 2008 10:43 PM

Kids get some pretty strange ideas! When I was about 5, my mom showed me how to make your hand look red by holding it over a flashlight. And when I asked her why it turned red like that, she told me it was because your blood is red. So for a while I thought your blood just sloshed around loose inside you, like those wax candies filled with Kool Aid. I was scared to death of cutting myself, because then I might spurt blood like one of those cartoon characters.

Speaking of cartoon characters, my mom must have been about 40 years old when she let it slip that she thought roadrunners were like American ostriches. She had been going off of Loony Toons info and never bothered to read up on road runners!

Posted by: Peggy U at February 23, 2008 02:08 AM