Boudicca's Voice

Die! Die! Die!

A bit more on squirrels, some from comments in my post and some items remembered.

I forgot to post, that when I saw the squirrel fall and twitch, my husband moved over it and BLAM shot it in the head.

I swear.to.God, I can’t make this up.

He’s not a violent man by any stretch, but I nearly gasped with laughter at the absurdity of it. This Italian with the rifle, standing over the body of the twitching squirrel and then putting one between the eyes as if saying, “Die! Bastard! Die!”

I mentioned this at supper tonight. You see, Ringo wasn’t there, so he’s just now getting all the stories from that odd morning.

So I said to my husband, “I certainly was surprised to see you standing over that squirrel’s body and seeing you finish him off with one to the head…”

He said, “I had to! One of your sons said, “You aren’t going to let him suffer, are you Dad?” so I had to finish him off!”

Me: Wait. Who said that?

Mr. T: Me. Mom. He was lying there with a hole in his neck twitching and it was just… wrong to let him suffer like that. So Dad shot him in the head.

So there you have it. It was a mercy killing in the end, although it didn’t start out that way. At least in the boys’ mind it was. There is already great embellishment…

Mr. T: Mom, you know that squirrel you saw fall and die? He actually fell off the roof.

Ringo: Dad tagged him on the roof?

Mr. T: Yup! Shot him right through the neck and then he tumbled off the roof and grabbed onto the gutter, hanging on for dear life, fell to the ground twitching and Dad shot him in the head.

I sat there saying nothing.

My husband looked at me and did a *blink*. Finally he said: That’s not what happened! He didn’t grab onto the gutter hanging on for dear life!

Mr. T: Yes, just for maybe a millisecond.

My husband: No. NO he did not. He just tumbled off the roof and hit the ground twitching.

Mr. T: NO! REALLY! He held on… just for a fraction of a millisecond’s millisecond!

Evidently, this is like fish stories. Soon the squirrel will be returning sniper fire from the roofline as my husband took him down. I see it coming.

Meanwhile, GuyK informed me in the comments that squirrels are carnivores and if I put their little heads out on pikes, other squirrels would eat their heads.

*blink*

I’d be damaged folks. No way in hell I’d be able to cope with watching that… or knowing it was happening in my backyard.

Also, side note, staying true to the Italian household we are, the garbage men carted the bodies away. I found that very funny. I thought my husband had thrown the carcasses to the side yard, but he said, “No way. I don’t need vultures in our yard!” So… who knows… the squirrels may end up very well with Jimmy Hoffa somewhere.

Shhhh…. Nobody will EVER know. Except it’s on the ‘net.

And lastly, Kris. My bro, TN, commented on this… red butted squirrels. When Morrigan was in high school, TGOO bought one of those 'have a heart' type traps and decided to trap the squirrels and release them far far away… but first, he spray painted their butts red.

Five miles out he and Morrigan drove those squirrels, from what I understand… and at least one of them came back.

There is more to those stories… something about Morrigan trying to release one on a rainy day, over a puddle, and the squirrel trying to stay in the cage… but, I’m not so well versed. Trust me to say, if it deals with Morrigan, its damn funny, throw TGOO into the mix, and you have legendary funny stories. Sandra Bullock and her craziness is a good pick for playing Morrigan in the movies.

Posted by Boudicca at May 20, 2008 08:38 PM | TrackBack