June 08, 2008

To Be File Under: Loser Mom OR Long Summer Ahead

I have told you, I have to be careful. I live in a glass house. I should not throw rocks.

Case in point.

First day of summer, my two younger boys get in a nerf fight and one shoots the other in the eye. I hear it was intentional. I believe it was intentional.

The anger within me could not be quelled and it is a sheer miracle the Earth did not split and suck this house down, inhabitants and all. That is the depths my anger took.

And when it subsided, I realized, OMG, I need to do something about this. He got shot in the eye!

And so I called my husband’s opthalmologist, a friend of the family for 30 years and a man I’ve known for 19. He did not answer. He was not on call. His partner was on call. A man who does not know me, of me, or anything about me.

And he’s got a heavy foreign accent, of what country, I am not sure. I could not place the accent to save my life, but it was distinct and heavy.

Where he is from originally is of little consequence to me. If he’s good enough to be Tom’s partner, he is good enough for me. And so I called…Bones was complaining his eye felt like it had sand in it and you all know I’m an eye phobe. I wanted to vomit. I knew he had a corneal scratch.

Or something.

And so I called. It took about 15 minutes for the doctor to call me back. I explained who I was, that my husband was a patient of Tom’s and that we knew him well, and I decided I needed to call as I know nothing about eyes.

I explained it was red and hurting. He had me go back and check his eyes again. This time, his eye was completely clear and he said it didn’t hurt at all.

The doctor questioned me again of the incident.

And THIS is about the time I felt like the biggest loser Mom in the world. It was not enough shame for me to have to say my one son shot the other son in the eye.


He had to ask what… Nerf was. “What ees theece Nehrf?”

Me: Umm… well, you know… Nerf. Kids shoot at each other. Nerf balls, Nerf guns.


Doc: I do not know of theece Nehrf.

Me: *blink* Well, they are sponges. They are spongy things they throw or shoot at each other.

Doc: Spongy?

Me: Yes, well, yes. He got shot in the eye with a sponge.

Good Grief. Put like that, I felt like the biggest putz ever. Jerk. Stupid. El Lame-O Mama.

Doc: So, eet ees not a hahrd object?

Me: No… except it was traveling at a rather highish speed. It got shot at him.

No matter what I said from there, I could not make it better.

Finally the doctor said, ‘OK, you call me back if you see yellow mucous coming from hees eyes. That means infection.”

Great. At that I almost lost my lunch. If my son gets yellow mucous coming from his eyes, I’m going to flat lose it. I’m going to have a nervous breakdown.

I can do vomit, nasty poop, blood, broken bones, concussions, surgery… but no. I don’t do yellow mucous coming from the eyes.

This has the potential to be a long damn summer…

And his eyes are fine. And everyone has been put on notice... about eyes. The fear of God is officially to the core of their souls. There will be NO MORE eye incidents.


Sidenote: Yes, I am a freak about eye protection for their other games. In the house, with Nerf, it has not come up. It has now...

Posted by Boudicca at June 8, 2008 09:10 PM | TrackBack

OK Bou, why don't you lay down on the couch over here...good...now...tell me about your childhood...

Posted by: Jay- the friendly neighborhood piper at June 8, 2008 09:30 PM

My guy doesn't have you lay down on the couch. :) You can just sit... Heh.

Posted by: Bou at June 8, 2008 09:47 PM

....... eyes are nothing to play with....... they can be easily damaged...... I have two cousins (I come from a large family) that have had eye damage from normal "playing" that kids did back in the 70s and 80s.......

..... couches have nothing to do with it....

Posted by: Eric at June 8, 2008 09:54 PM

When I was in the 8th grade, we were playing field hockey in the gym. With plastic hockey sticks. Safe, huh? I got a HUGE black eye, swolen shut. That pretty much ended gym hockey for everyone.

You were right to be concerned. You could put your eye out with theece Nehrf gun.

Posted by: Jerry at June 8, 2008 11:10 PM


You know I love ya like a sister,but, I seriously think you need to consider your Celtic roots and have Guinness now and then..

It would do ya good!

They are boys, they will do boy things...


Posted by: P'cola Titan at June 9, 2008 12:30 AM

How does one get to be a doctor in the US & NOT know what a freaking NERF is?! That is funny.... hope he's OK!

Posted by: Marie at June 9, 2008 05:44 AM

Guinness... yeah, that's the ticket!

Posted by: Angus of Bute at June 9, 2008 07:25 AM

It's part of the Mom package: "You could put an eye out like that!!!!"

Oldest son has a paintball coach who was shot in the eye once when he was much younger and cockier. He had to have eye surgery and one of his irises is not quite round - there is a notch in it. He doesn't have good vision in that eye. You think you are paranoid about eyes? This guy will rip people's heads off if they don't wear eye protection. And they won't be allowed anywhere near his field (which is quite understandable, actually).

Posted by: PeggyU at June 9, 2008 12:08 PM

You'll shoot your eye out, kid!!

Sorry, couldn't resist.

At least you handled the intentional shooting with extreme prejudice, putting the fear of God (Bou) into the boys. Hopefully they'll learn this lesson the first time.

Posted by: diamond dave at June 9, 2008 02:30 PM

Brothers. Say no more. Mine threw a rock that hit my eye when were elementary age. Survived that one. Next one was my fault. We were visiting relatives out of state at Christmas. Being the bored eighth grader of the group, I found something to do that wasn't any where near the kitchen tasks. I found the cat to play with. At the time real long hair was popular with the teen set. I decided to use mine as a cat toy. Being of said age to not think things through to possible consequences, I continued to dangle a clump of hair like a string until claw met eye....just as everyone was being called to the table for Christmas dinner. My Dad and I spent the evening at the local ER as Urgent Care had not been invented yet. I did learn that the eye is one of the fastest healing areas on a person. I left with a tube of goop to apply under the eyelid and gauze & tape to seal the eye shut for several days. ....along with a real nice "I was once a brainless teen" story. — Hope all is on the mend.

Posted by: cin at June 9, 2008 04:06 PM

Sorry to stick my head in the door again, but I just tagged you with a meme. Since I haven't figured out how to properly format links here yet, just go to my site and check out "I'm working on better things...".

Posted by: diamond dave at June 9, 2008 06:12 PM

I'm glad the doc asked as I had no idea what a nerf ball was and I was afraid to ask.

Posted by: thud at June 9, 2008 06:34 PM

It's a mom thing...you have to do what you feel is right. My son and daughter were arguing once and she waved a piece of paper in his face, and it went across his eye. I swore I saw a scratch on it, but nobody else could. His eye wasn't red or swollen or anything like that, but I could see it. I had to work the next day, but I made my husband take my son in to the doctor. He couldn't see anything until he used a dye and a special light...then the doc just looked at my husband and said something about 'mommy vision'. My son had antibiotic eye drops for awhile.

You don't play around with eyes. Except with maybe spongy things.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at June 9, 2008 08:09 PM

Nerf!!! When I was a kid we threw darts and shot wooden suction-cup-tipped arrows at each other. (And those suction cups always came off after the first shot.) Sure we lost eyes and sustained festering wounds, but it was a small price to pay for joy of being a boy.

Posted by: Bob at June 9, 2008 09:32 PM

We got yellow crud this morning when Isaac woke up, but it was the ever-dreaded pinkeye. Blech. Went to the pedi and got the antibiotic drops -- thank God it's summer and we can do that, but it's a two hour round trip to the doctor (we live in the middle of BFN and it's the best we can do) so it used up a whole bunch more gas than I wanted to. [sigh] I hate gas prices.

Hoping tomorrow morning looks a little better...

Posted by: GradualDazzle at June 9, 2008 10:46 PM

Bou: You handled it exactly right - you do NOT mess around with eye injuries. Period, end of story.

I'm sure the boys will remember your wrath for a long time. :-)

Posted by: Mary at June 9, 2008 10:51 PM