June 23, 2008

Bored, Happy, and ... Phobic

Bones waffles between being bored and kind of sort of missing his brothers and declaring that being an only child would be the best thing in the world, not having to share, never being called names and being able to play any Wii game he wanted without competition.

So intent is he that being alone is wonderful that he asked me today to make sure I tell his brothers when I see them that he LOVES being alone in the house, that he’s having a GREAT time and that he doesn’t miss them in the least.

I’m not kidding.

I hear from the Dad who chaperoned today that it was hot and the boys are finished with ever having to camp there again. I hear they’re filthy dirty and are… done.

I’m sure they’re fine. I laughed when I heard it actually.

Meanwhile, I spend the night there tomorrow night. It’s my shift as chaperone. I’ve been baking all night… as I figure if I’m showing up, I can at least bring something homemade for the boys. I may take Italian Ice as well, if I can keep it cold enough, long enough.

My only concern is… I am… deathly afraid of cockroaches. I mean squeal like a little girl, freaky chest pains, a case of the vapors, stroke/heart attack, pee myself scared.

I am nearly hyperventilating thinking about it. Its full blown phobia… bad, bad… bad.

And yesterday as I was setting up the mosquito nets for the boys in their 'Vally Forge' Boy Scout issue tent, I overheard a boy in another tent say to his tent mate, “… and last year, I got a cockroach in my bed!”

I’ve been shoving that little overheard snippet into the back of my very small brain for the last 24 hours. The thought… is more… than I can take.

I was in 5th or 6th grade and my friend Becky was spending the night. Her Dad was in the same squadron as my Dad and at the time of this incident, our Dads were on deployment, either in Sigonella or Keflavik. We met through squadron picnics and whatnot. At the time we lived in Orange Park, Florida and had a big concrete above ground pool in our back yard with a wood deck. Becky and TN and I spent the afternoon building a big fort of sheets on the back deck, with the intention of Becky and me sleeping out there.

My Mom walked out there with us, around 9:00PM. It was dark, we’d had dinner, watched some television, goofed around, and she walked out with us to get us all set in our overnight quarters. As we walked onto the deck, no less than 100 roaches scurried from us.

It was like something out of a frickin' horror movie.

Good Lord, the memories of it are enough to make me vomit. It was awful.

Needless to say, we didn’t sleep outside. Blech. But it was in my years of living in Orange Park as a child that I first experienced the big flying hissing roaches that some call… Palmetto bugs. They have been a menace to my mental well being ever since.


And tomorrow night… I’m struggling folks. I’m really struggling. There may be no sleeping. I may be up ALL NIGHT. Under my mosquito net.

All Night.

Blog fodder.

Stay tuned.

Posted by Boudicca at June 23, 2008 09:30 PM | TrackBack

"a case of the vapors".... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Posted by: Angus of the Panhandle at June 23, 2008 09:36 PM

Here in the Great White North at the camp at Arrowhead Lake, we only had to worry about the daddy long legs spiders dropping in our mouths (until we got the mosquito nets up).

At that time I was a barely adequate swimmer, so I worked on not drowning and no I didn't try the 5 mile swim.

I do not miss those dark green canvas tents. No matter the shade, it was always hot inside them.

Posted by: The Thomas at June 23, 2008 09:41 PM

Speaking of Palmetto Bugs, we were not pleased when we found one in our 7th floor room at the Contemporary Hotel at Disney when we were there back in 1984(?). We returned it to the front desk with our displeasure. No pets allowed!

Posted by: The Thomas at June 23, 2008 09:46 PM

Dad- That tour damaged me. I'm telling you... I feel most certain I can blame this phobia on the United States Navy. Some way...

Thomas- YES! Good GAWD! Those dark green canvas tents are like frickin' saunas. I have little fans for my boys... two a piece just in case. HOT. As I was helping them set up camp, I thought, 'I don't know how they're going to sleep in here...' Hot... muggy... and roachy.


Posted by: Bou at June 23, 2008 09:46 PM

OH! NO. No roaches in hotels... in my bed. No.

When we were first married, I felt a bug on me. I rolled over and said in a frantic quiet night voice, 'Hunhead... there's a bug in the bed..."

He said very sleepily, "Its OK, Hun. Just sleep closer to me. You'll be fine..." right.

So I rolled closer, tapped him harder and now in a bit more of a terrified voice I squeaked, 'NO! Really, Hunhead. There's something in our bed!"

Finally he said, "Ok, hun. I'll show you... OK?"

He dutifully got out of bed, threw back the covers and there was a roach. I nearly peed right there I was so terrified.

The rest of the night I slept ON HIS SIDE WITH HIM and he kept saying, "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! That so sucked for you!" HEH!

Posted by: Bou at June 23, 2008 09:50 PM

I'm so with you on cockroaches, why is it that when they run they run straight at you, what is with that??

When I was at uni I did some biology courses. Imagine my dismay when we had to dissect a cockroach, which meant actually holding it. Now, I knew it was dead, but I had to hold it, the body of it on top of my thumb, the wings on the other side of my thumb ... so there's me, phobic about cockroaches, cockroach in one hand, scalpel in the other ... I swear I saw it move and that was it, it got flung across the room ... much embarrassment.

Posted by: Fleat at June 24, 2008 06:01 AM

Wow. I didn't know we had the same phobia. I'll tell you my roach story sometime. They even tried to play a joke at me at our old company. They couldn't believe how scared I was of roaches.

Posted by: vw bug at June 24, 2008 06:16 AM

Those palmetto bug/tree roaches are one of my worst nightmares! I scream, lash out, break things... one night HERE IN THIS HOUSE I felt something drop onto my arm. I'll never forget it... I shot up out of that bed like a rocket. Couldn't sleep all night, and not in that bed again until I'd dismantled the room.

It's Florida. Once in a while they get in... but it freaks me out each time. [shudder]

Posted by: pam at June 24, 2008 09:15 AM

Palmetto Bugs. Makes me laugh at the memory. 1973. St. Thomas in the US Virgin Islands. My mom. Not afraid of anything. Sees a Palmetto Bug in the bathroom of the condo we rented and screams to holy heaven. Marches to the rental office and informs them that a prehistoric monster has taken up residence. They inform her that they have been here alot longer than humans. My mother informs them that these beasts can just move out until she's gone.

Exterminators came the next day. But the Palmetto Bugs remained - like cockroaches after a nuclear holocaust.

My dad learned how to kill them - with the heel of his dress shoes, until you heard them crack. I can still hear the sound all these years later.

And yes, I'm still laughing at my mom.

Posted by: Kris, in New England at June 24, 2008 11:09 AM

Relax people, they are just palmetto bugs. And palmetto bugs say humans taste just like palmetto. LOL

Posted by: Mockinbird at June 24, 2008 12:35 PM

Whenever I hear the frantic cry: Honey! HONEY! COME HERE NOW!!! I know that the palmetto bugs have invaded. One time I hit one so hard with my shoe it literally exploded all over the living room, including my wife. I thought the neighbors were going to call the cops after that...

Posted by: diamond dave at June 24, 2008 02:58 PM

Palmetto bugs also taste horrible. That white stuff inside them is disgusting and has a weird perfumy taste/smell.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at June 26, 2008 05:42 PM