September 06, 2008

Zoot and Bert Live Here...

Its not loud enough in this house. There isn’t enough motion, noise, and chaos.

It is obvious I feel this way because… I signed Bones up for Band.

Good Lord.

I now have in this home, a trombone, a bass guitar, and… a sax. That’s the ONLY instrument he wanted to play. He hasn’t had his first lesson, so he was really upset that when he got his instrument he couldn’t just put it together and play.

As good fortune would have it, my best friend from HS, PFB who comments here, mother of Mr. Smoochy Pants, was a sax player, and sometimes we'd swap instruments. So I put it together for him, showed him how to hold it, got the neck strap squared away and sent him on his way.

He now carries it through the house randomly, ‘bleating’. You can be at the table minding your own business, reading the paper and out of the blue you’ll hear a ‘HOOONK!”

There really is no… hiding from this boy with the sax. He’s not come into the bathroom yet to honk at me, but don’t put it past him. He’s the type of kid that would walk into the bathroom while I was showering and say, ‘Mom, I can’t play G. How do I hold my fingers?’ as if I’d stop what I’m doing, dry off my hands, open the stall door and show him.

It’s not happened yet. Trust me, I will share it with you when it does.

What is it with my boys wanting to play all these low instruments?

Meanwhile, my eldest boy is growing crazy. Umm… that would be in height and possibly psychologically.

All his friends are growing.

On Thursday, I stopped by to pick him up and I saw his buddy, Nick. I’d not seen Nick in a year. Nick’s a sweet boy, ADHD, bounces off the wall smiling and… he exhausts me, but he is a really good kid with a warm heart.

He saw me and he said, “Mrs. L! I never realized you were so…”

I raised an eyebrow in his direction and said, “yes?”

He grinned, put his hand out to my head and said, “… short.”

Nice. The big Mom I always was, is now shorter than most of the kids. I told him not to let my small stature fool him. I wanted to add, “I can still kick your ass…” but I refrained.


So tonight at dinner, I kept staring at Ringo. He got up to get something from the fridge when finally I said, “Ringo. Stop.”

He stood there.

Me: Did you do something to your eyebrows?

Ringo: No.


Ringo: yes.

Me: What did you do? Did you shave them?

Ringo: I cut them with scissors.

I wanted to scream at him, “What are we, frickin’ TWO?!”

Good Lord.

Me: Why. When?

Ringo: A few hours ago.

Me: WHY? You are supposed to have eyebrows. You’re turning into a man!

Ringo: They were too … much.

Granted, I did notice that his eyebrows were getting bushy. His entire body is changing! His upper lip has thin dark fuzz. His neck and shoulders are more defined. His face is starting to lose some of the childishness as the testosterone is starting to kick in.

I looked at his eyebrows. His right eyebrow is no longer the same length as the left. He didn’t trim them all over; he took them down to the skin at the center. Any hint of unibrow is now gone, except he didn’t shorten them uniformly.

And he has 5:00 shadow between his eyebrows.

Me: Next time you don’t like your eyebrows, come talk to me. I’ll fix them.

Ringo: You? Why.

Me: Because… I’m a woman and although I get harassed by your Aunt Mo that I don’t pluck enough, I do fix my eyebrows. Sometimes. And I will get them straight. Right now you have one eyebrow shorter than the other. Good Lord. And scissors aren’t going to do it son. Come talk to me.

So two year olds take scissors to their hair and 13 year olds take them to their eyebrows. If he at least lets me do it, I’ll keep them more ‘manly’ looking as well as symmetric.

I need a nap... BTW, anyone catch the obscure reference in the title?

Posted by Boudicca at September 6, 2008 08:02 PM

ya know- as I was reading this I was thinking, "Is Bou going to offer to pluck his eyebrows? Does she have enough experience?"
I think I got your title. I nearly broke into song- the other part is a bit easier.

Posted by: Morrigan at September 6, 2008 08:38 PM

Mo- Not nice!!! You know... now that my eyebrows are slowly graying, you can hardly tell when they need plucking! Heh. I figure I'll show him and he can do it. I need to show him how far NOT to go. Good grief. and I'll clip the tips for him so they aren't out sticking there like one of those penquins with the funky pokey eyebrows.

He cannot run from his genetics. He is going to be very fuzzy.

I give him 2 years and he'll be a Chia Pet like his Dad. Shave and then "Poof!" at Noon he'll need to shave again.

Posted by: Bou at September 6, 2008 08:45 PM

Not sure if I got the reference, but I started hearing Sesame Street's Put Down the Duckie if you wanna play the saxophone as I started reading about Bones. —grin—

I'm wondering who said something about eyebrows to Ringo. I just saw some headline about guys and eyebrows recently but haven't found the article again. I did find a 'how to' for guys though....

Posted by: cin at September 6, 2008 10:24 PM

The Muppets are hardly obscure... :-)

I hadn't thought of Put Down the Duckie, but now it's stuck in my head (thanks)... But Zoot was the sax player in Dr. Teeth's band, and of course Bert has eyebrows of DOOM!

So which muppet is Mr. T?

Posted by: caltechgirl at September 6, 2008 11:45 PM

I'm just glad he didn't want to play the drums!

Posted by: vw bug at September 7, 2008 06:43 AM

Chowhound was in 5th grade when he started playing the sax. The first night he brought it home and started blowing it, his brothers started yelling, "All aboard!" It sounded just like a cruise ship.

Posted by: sticks at September 7, 2008 05:22 PM

"Put Down the Ducky!" Gah! Its stuck in my head...

I'm thinking of the perfect muppet character for T. Hmmm

Posted by: Bou at September 7, 2008 09:06 PM

Sax? Good for him. I played the sax from 4-12 grades. It's easy. He just need lots of wind.

And the eyebrows? Buy a Conair nose hair trimmer. Works great on the brows. But you may want a designated one just for the brows. Anything that's been up the nasal cavity probably will not approach a boy's face without a fight!

Posted by: Jerry at September 9, 2008 12:26 AM