Boudicca's Voice

Hopes, Dreams, Prayers and Children

I had a dream the other night that triggered a memory. Odd how that happens… how dreams can make you remember things you have put into the recesses of your mind.

Stick with me here… the dream is short.

I dreamt that I was somewhere, alone, but not a good place, and a doctor and nurse handed me this tiny baby girl and told me I was to keep her, take her home, and to hurry.

I got home and it was late. For some reason there was a crib in Ringo’s room, and I laid her down in it to sleep, a tiny baby, smooth white skin, bald peach fuzzy head, pink lips like a bow, she was dressed in a pink sleeper.

She never stirred.

I awoke the next morning in a panic. The baby hadn’t awakened all night. She should have. Was she alive?

I ran into the family room in a panic, my husband playing and carrying on with my three boys, as he is apt to do, as if they were all clueless there was a baby in the house. I was the only one who knew of this child that was now ours.

My mind was filled with horror… and I had nothing to feed her. I needed to run to Publix immediately and get formula. Did I do soy or regular? I had nursed my babies… what was I supposed to do? I had nothing for a baby.

I ran into the room to find her still sleeping peacefully. She seemed paler than I remembered her as I had put her to bed, but she was fine.

Immediately I went into overdrive to get what I needed to care for this child… thinking about how much my life was about to change… I had children leaving the nest in 4 years, but now there was a new baby and another life to care for and I needed to get to Publix…

…and I woke up.

And it reminded me of a story I’d never put here, a story of prayers answered and promises kept and of an amazing woman.

Before I had children, I had a girlfriend from work a few years older than I. She was married, a good couple, they wanted children, but could not have them. (She’s an engineer… we currently job share a part time job.)

It was not for lack of trying. She had PCO, although to look at her you’d not know it, and ovarian cancer is riddled throughout her family. Try as they might, on their own she could not get pregnant and with the assistance of modern medicine, she consistently miscarried at 6 weeks and 3 days.

Five times.

It was a devastating time. I did what I could as a friend, but what can one do? Meanwhile, I breathed, got pregnant and carried to full term.

Where was justice for her?

And she helped plan my shower and she and her husband stayed with me when my husband had to travel and my baby was newborn and I could not yet drive.

I did not ask them. They heard about my being alone, packed their bags, and came and stayed in my home. They insisted. And she was still doing fertility shots… so where she went, he had to go.

In my life… I have never met anyone as selfless as this girlfriend. Those of you who have ever experienced infertility understand what she did.

Writing this makes me cry.

When Ringo was 6 months old, she got pregnant again, the fifth and final time, and was put on bed rest. The drugs in her body did a number on her and she would hyperstimulate. I drove up to her house, and cooked them dinner, and stayed so she’d not be so alone. It was another dark day… and I wonder if deep down inside, she knew how it would end.

The inevitability.

And it did, but this time it ended more horribly than the other times, and she ended up in the hospital, in surgery… and I’ll leave it at that.

And something finally, inside them said, “Enough” and they decided to adopt. They went through all the international agencies to look into babies from China, Europe, the old Eastern Block countries. They researched, we talked, and they prayed.

And the only person who wanted a healthy child for them more than they did… was me.

And then one day, they received a phone call saying, ‘would you take a bi-racial child?’

They’d done all their home visits and had put their names on a list for an American child as well. My girlfriend’s answer to the attorney on the phone was one that she and her husband had discussed at great length, “If you care about the color of the child, then you really don’t want a child.”

There was a lot of background as to why the adoption might not take place that I can’t go into, but they would not know until the baby was born, whether they would be parents.

And one day she called me in a panic… the baby was born and the baby was theirs and they had to go get him ‘TOMORROW!’ and she had NOTHING and would I go shopping with her?

And I loaded Ringo up in his carseat, just over one year old, and met her at Babies ‘R Us, and we shopped and shopped for everything a newborn needed as she had absolutely nothing… I don’t even think they had a crib.

She was a wreck and I laughed. I was so happy for them. It was a good kind of wreck to be.

We spent a couple hours, Ringo playing with his fingers and babbling at us, filling the cart and filling her car and the next day, she and her husband, picked up their first born.

He is a blessing. He is 12 now and has chosen to study ballet. He’s been taking since he was 6 and is very talented. I believe he has been asked to look at the Julliard this summer, for some sort of summer class. He is full of energy and keeps everyone on their toes. He has a sharp mind and is quick.

My girlfriend, ended up pregnant on her own two more times, having two biological children. It wasn’t a case of ‘Oh she relaxed’ or ‘that happens all the time…’, but more than likely a result of the horrible emergency surgery she had, accidentally fixing something nobody realized needed to be fixed. She laughed at me the 2nd time she got pregnant unexpectedly and said, ‘Wow, I went from one extreme to another. I went from not being able to conceive to being like you and not being able to stop it!”

I grinned and said, “yes, but the problem you have now, is the far better problem to have…” And she agreed.

They have three beautiful children. And she truly is probably one of the most selfless and strong women I know.

My dream last night reminded me of her… when one loses hope in society, sometimes one only has to look around them and they will find wonderful people… and it reaffirms… that all is not lost.

Posted by Boudicca at October 14, 2008 08:31 PM | TrackBack