December 13, 2008

He Wants WHAT?!

I hate Bones' Christmas list. Actually, I hate all of their lists... and its not so much what they asked for as it is, that I don't actually understand most of it.

We've moved into the testosterone zone and I'm lost. I need a map. Or interpreter.

Or something.

Mr. T's list is actually pretty benign. He does have a few airsoft guns on the list, but for the most part I 'get' his list.

But Ringo's? Ringo's list puts me in stores where I stand out and look like I'm clueless.

This would be... the guitar store.

The ONLY thing he wanted was a new amp. I told him, "Good, because its expensive as hell and that's the ONLY thing you'll get".

What started as a lark for him to learn how to play bass has become his constant thought... he practically sleeps with it. He's taken practicing every day to a whole new level.

His request put me at Guitar Center in West Palm Beach. Every time I go in there, I feel absolutely like the fish out of water.

I'm not a musician. I'm not a man. I don't talk the lingo.

Let me state first that every single time I go in there, those men are the most wonderful gentleman. Today as I stood waiting for the amp, I had no less than five men as if they could assist me. And its nothing begrudging, I'm approached by their sales people with a friendly smile and a genuine, "Please, let me help you."

I think every department store in America needs to have their employees take some classes from the salesman at Guitar Center. I'm not kidding.

What freaks me most is, these are not the type of folks I'd normally hang with. They all have either long hair or punkish hair. They dress in black (probably the uniform). I'm an engineer in the military industry (something that I'm sure not one of them had a clue of as I just look like the typical dopey mommish person coming in to buy something for their son), so all of the men I hang with have short hair with the 3/4" taper, dress conservatively, and don't have those sleeve tatts.

So I do struggle when I see folks that I'm not used to being around. It sounds ridiculous, but I know what I know... but these men at this guitar store are WONDERFUL. They are kind and funny and always make me feel at ease. Its really really made me step out of my box.

I'll never feel comfortable there, but its because its not my element. Its always an exceptionally pleasant experience.

It's just a far cry buying his gifts there and not... at Toys R Us. I miss the old days.

But that brings me to Bones. Bones who wants to be 21.

His list reads like this: a money clip, cologne from Abercrombie and Fitch, a big knife from Gander Mountain, a Long Board.


A money clip? I am missing something... he has no money.

Cologne? I want my little boy to smell... like a little boy, not a teenager! I love the little boy smell!!!

A big knife? NO. He can hold his breath on that one...

A long board? What... in... the hell... is... that? I was at Toys R Us trying to get some shopping done and I found this big long board with a skeleton on it... Bones. It looked long to me...

I was in the electronics section because he also asked for a camera for his big gift, and that whole experience was goofy in itself.

I had to ask for assistance and a young kid, early 20s, drew the short stick. He was sweet... but as most of the kids in the electonics departments, kind of stuck in their heads.

Me: I need one of those red cameras, but I'm unsure if you have any, however, if you do, they'd be in that case.

Him: Well I have a key to that case.

Me: Excellent. I thought you might be the Key Master.


Him: I'm just looking for the Gate Keeper.

Me: Heh.

Him: Did you catch that?

Me: Oh yes I did. I was surprised as you're so young, I never thought you'd get my reference.

Two seconds later he told his equally young buddy working in that section, "Hey! She just made a reference to Ghost Busters!"

They both laughed and carried on and I was left kind of laughing, but realizing that this must be like being a Trekie.

As I went to pay I said to him, "Hey, is this a long board?"

He looked at it and said, "No. That's just a skateboard..."

I was defeated. I replied, "Really? I'm so lost. This was longer than the others so I thought it had to be..."

Any coolness factor I may have attained by the GhostBuster reference, was quickly lost by my lack of knowledge when it came to long boards.

I'm going to have to take Ringo with me. I'm so frickin' lost...

Posted by Boudicca at December 13, 2008 09:44 PM | TrackBack

Ha! The title of my post today was also a Ghostbusters (alternately Ghost Busters) reference.

Posted by: Erica at December 13, 2008 10:15 PM

try this:

Posted by: Rave at December 14, 2008 04:52 AM

I’ve been a musician (very loose sense of the word) for years and I’m out of my element in the music store. Its funny how we judge based on appearance. I don’t like the sales guy with the crap stuck in his face at my music store. He has stuff in his lips, and cheeks, and nose, and eyebrows…creeps me out. Nicest guy…I just can’t look at him though. Just Damn!

Posted by: Dax Montana at December 14, 2008 08:29 AM

Whereas I could spend hours in Sam Ash (our music store). And 2 of our Best Buys in Orlando now have a music section for guitars, drums, keyboards: HEAVEN!

I got RTY a pack of Hello Kitty guitar pics for a stocking stuffer. She can't play yet, but she's taking video lessons until I find employment and we can afford one-on-one lessons.

I'd like to learn the guitar, too.

Oh, I'll have to post a picture! We hung her electric guitar on our red/black wall! It looks so good!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at December 14, 2008 09:44 AM

*clears throat* That's TrekkOR..and yes, I do have a Star Trek Christmas tree this year. I'll being doing a post about it in days to come.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at December 14, 2008 04:24 PM

Next time, just say "Ni!" and see if they cringe in terror.

Posted by: Harvey at December 14, 2008 07:56 PM

I can identify (in a different sort of way). Joyce and I were cruising yesterday looking for stuff for our granddaughter. Whenever I'd point out something, she'd say, "We're shopping for a two-year-old girl, not a twelve year-old-boy."

Well, that's what she thinks. My reasoning is that our son (daddy of the princess) will be the one interacting with the toy most, so we need to make it a father-daughter thing -- remote-control robotic stuff is always age appropriate, don't you think?

Posted by: Bob at December 14, 2008 08:32 PM

I was under the impression that a long board was a surf board . . . then I rethought that and realized it was a long skateboard. Tell Bones if he wants a long board . . . my hubby and cuz took a snowboard and drilled in chux and wheels and road it till it broke. . . talk about a longboard!

Posted by: oddybobo at December 14, 2008 10:56 PM

Boopie requested and is receiving a Bass guitar and amp for Christmas this year. It's a joint gift from all of his grandparents. (Yay me!)

What's wrong with a long knife from Gander Mountain? Well, okay I can think of better places to get a good sheath knife, actually a know a lot of guys that make knives better than you can buy at any store... the joys of being a re-enactor.

Every boy should have a knife! :)

Posted by: Contagion at December 15, 2008 10:20 AM

I think it's wonderful that he wants an amp and nothing else. That is how men thrive in this world, by focusing their attention on a single object. Over time the focal point can change, but it is hard for someone who doesn't have focus to pick it up when they're all grown up.

Posted by: Carl Brannen at December 15, 2008 06:18 PM

Like Oddy mentioned, I would have been shopping for Surf Boards.

Guess I am out of touch too


Posted by: P'cola Titan at December 15, 2008 09:10 PM