February 08, 2009

More Than a Thousand Words

I was reading through the internet news sites last night when I found THIS link about boudoir photography.

It talked about what a great gift it is for your boyfriend (I don't think they mention husband) and I am gathering this is mostly a young woman’s gift to a boyfriend, not a 40 something year old middle aged woman’s gift to her husband of scads of years.

First, no way in hell do I want anyone to see that much of my body. Sure, my husband can, but he participated in my body getting to this current ‘post production’ state. Pregnancies wreaked havoc on this old bod.

Second, I realize men are visual creatures, but… does he really appreciate this if he sees you day in and day out? When would he look at it? Hopefully not right after I’ve woken up with my hair all mussed up, sleepy eyed, pillow faced… as surely he would wonder, “Well… what happened to THIS woman? Surely they are not the same…”

Third, where in the world do you hang something like that?

Which brings me to a story.

About 12 years ago, we knew a couple who invited us to their home for dinner. Ringo was but a baby, and off we carted him, so we could enjoy adult company.

We’d never been to their home before, and so she gave us a tour. It was a wonderfully decorated home… it was very family and fun oriented.

And then we got to their bedroom and in the middle of their four poster bed was a ginormous picture of her in black merry widow, garter belt and stockings, with a come hither look upon her face with her wind blown hair.

I stood there and stared.

My husband stood there and tried not to stare. Suddenly that room seemed very small to him and no matter where he looked, it was as if that picture had grown in size to encompass the entire room.

Uncomfortable for us doesn’t begin to describe it.

It didn’t faze her in the least. It was part of their artwork.

Me? I’d not want strangers to see me that way. I’d not want my CHILDREN to see me that way. They had two children… boys… and there was that picture, big as day, with their Mama oozing sex kitten, in the Master Bedroom.

Hey, she looked great. Really. I wish I looked like that.

*I* would look like a fool. A middle aged fool at that.

But it truly lends itself to… where in the world do you put something like that.

I said to my husband, “I think if I got you something like that, you’d have to keep it in the closet…”

The whole thing seemed… just very impractical to me. Maybe that’s why they are targeting this to young women with boyfriends and not middle aged Moms who’ve been married too long… and pay the bills

Posted by Boudicca at February 8, 2009 10:20 PM | TrackBack

Two things come to mind. Well, lots of things, but two main things with a few sub points.

1. I can see where young couples and the like might find this intriguing. However, I wouldn't want such a picture of my girl or wife. The main reason is that I have no where I could keep it where, even if she were okay with it, I would be okay with someone else seeing it. She's mine (and I'm hers) and no one else gets to enjoy us that way but ourselves. Maybe if I had a room of my own with a locked door where no one else could see it, or some kinda revolving wall setup in the bedroom. . .

The second point is that I'd much rather receive a meaningful gift, a memento of something private between us, that seems ordinary to other people, but has another meaning entirely to the two of us. Such a picture to me would be an objectification of sorts, and I want more from my future wife than a sex kitten (Though a sex kitten on top of everything else would be great.)

Posted by: Andrew Ravencroft at February 9, 2009 12:54 AM

I gave such a photo to the Husband after we'd been married for 5 years. There were several shots, so the photographer made them into a calendar for him.
Little did I know he was going to hang it in his shop on the ship. I didn't know until years later, when I wondered aloud why had all his workmates wanted to come to dinner at our house, knowing I was a lousy cook.
It didn't really upset me, I thought it was funny, and very sweet how puffed-up proud he was of me.
I miss having that body, but I still have nice memories of it.

Posted by: LeeAnn at February 9, 2009 01:02 AM

LOL, Bou! It reminds me of something that happened when I was about 13 or 14. My math teacher needed a babysitter, so she and her husband could have a nice evening out, and she hired me. I was watching their toddler when he took off down the hall and into the master bedroom ... and there on the wall, over the bed, was a large painting of a nude woman (on black velvet, no less) that looked a whole lot like my math teacher only a bit more voluptuous. It was .... awkward! I never told anyone at school about it, but it was kind of hard to look at her the same way after that!

Posted by: PeggyU at February 9, 2009 04:05 AM

Andrew- I think a lot of people feel that way... they'd not want others to see their spouse the way they see them. For me, it comes down to again, 'Where does one put it?", hence my comment about his closet. Then I thought, "Wow, when we die, what do our kids do with it?" I can picture it now:

Ringo: Umm... look what I found in Dad's closet.
Mr. T: Ewww. Oh. No.
Bones: What is it? What is it? Oh.
Ringo: This must mean... they did it more than three times.
Mr. T: Yuck.
Bones: I don't want it... you have it.
In Unison: I don't want it...


LeeAnn- OK, that's frickin' hysterical. I think it is a young woman's gift. With my body as it is now? Nobody would want to come over for dinner after seeing it.

Peggy- Gah! In black velvet as well! Holy crap!

Posted by: Bou at February 9, 2009 07:05 AM

When husband and I first started not dating (we didn't date, I was adamant that we were not dating), for his birthday our first year together, back when digital cameras were brand new and rare... I bought a yellow thing from Victoria's. I went to my friend's house. She did my hair and makeup. And... she took lovely pics of me with her digital camera (it held a 3.5 floppy! that's how long ago this was!).

Then, I used another friend's photo printer to print them out.

Another friend delivered envelopes to husband's chair at work all day, any time he got up from his desk.

he didn't get much work done. And, I can never top that present.

The pics... envelope in our room. I hope the kid never finds them!

Posted by: wRitErsbLock at February 9, 2009 07:47 AM

Writersblock- My best gf from hs is a professional photographer, top of the line, used to work for one of the largest and most prestigious auction houses. She is absolutely amazing.

If I asked her to do that for me, we'd spend all our time laughing our butts off. I can see it now. Heh! She's absolutely hysterical...

Posted by: Bou at February 9, 2009 07:56 AM

Not the same, but this reminded me of...

My dad would say things like, "hey foxy mama" to my stepmom, as she got into the car.

When I was in college and Caitlin had hardly been talking for a year or two...she figured this out, and would call her mother, "foxy mama", and would just repeat it over and over.

Posted by: Sissy at February 9, 2009 09:37 PM

Uuuuuuhhhh. Wow - this kind of thing would *so* not be something I would do... Good grief...

Posted by: Richmond at February 11, 2009 12:20 AM

There is a woman in my small, puritanical New England town who does semi-erotic art using the subject's own body.

She uses a roller to cover the front of your nude body in paint - usually black. Not "cover" as much as roll on. Then she uses silver and gold leaf on certain, um, places.

Then - you the subject is pressed onto a large sheet of archival paper. She does this until the original paint is dry on your body. Usually gets 3-5 prints.

Then - she frames one of them for you. It's all part of the deal.

I was tempted once. But the same question came to me - where would I hang this thing I had spent $500 to get???

My husband would have loved it I'm sure...but it never would have been outside of his closet.

Posted by: Kris, in New England at February 11, 2009 07:02 PM

You should check out Erin O'brien's blog. She's got a great post up about her experience with having a boudoir photo session. She did this as an assignment for the paper she writes for. She's a 40 something mom, but in the photos you'd never know it. You should check it out. She's a great writer and all around fun gal. Her blog and the article are both worth the read.



Posted by: DogsDontPurr at February 12, 2009 10:12 PM