February 18, 2009

So Many Lines Crossed...

Let me refresh the pet history and status.

We have owned four hamsters, four goldfish, a dog for one week, and two beta fish. We currently have one beta fish, everything else has died except for the dog, which we had to give back, because if you recall he fell madly in love with me and hated everyone else causing great family stress.

In our possession we have the 90 gallon fish tank that we used to house the hamsters in… one at a time as we never owned more than one… at a time.

It was the frickin’ Palm Beach condo for hamsters… that hamster had more equivalent living space to body size than the average person in America probably does.

Mr. T is currently doing something with mealworms in Science. I believe he is tracking their life cycle from beginning to end. In a glass jar he has three mealworms, a couple cups of oatmeal, lettuce, parts of an apple and whatever else he may deem edible for a mealworm or two or three.

He takes his mealworms into Science, along with the progress chart, every Tuesday or Wednesday.

Pay attention to the wording… he takes them in which means… he keeps them at home and once a week I transport him and his jarred crew to school.

Today, he got in my car and said, “Mom, after this experiment can we have mealworms for pets?”

And the following conversation ensued to the best of my recollection.

Me: What?

Mr. T: I thought maybe we could take that fish tank and fill it full of mealworms.

Me, thinking he meant the one beta fish tank which is a 6”x6”x6” cube, that is currently empty as the beta fish met an untimely demise: I don’t know. We can talk.

The boys, cheered.

I sat there for a minute wondering why they were cheering.

Mr. T: GREAT! We can get 1000s of mealworms and put them in that tank!

Me: Wait.

Ringo, laughing: That would be GREAT.

Me: Wait. THOUSANDS of mealworms? They won’t fit in that old beta fish tank.

Mr. T: NO! Not THAT tank. The old tank we put the hamsters in! We could have our own mealworm farm.

Me: NO.

The boys were no longer cheering.

Mr. T: They don’t require any clean up. It would be easy…


Good Lord.

Tonight, we came home and the two younger boys had his mealworms on the kitchen table, splayed out on a paper towel. Two worms were there, while he sifted the oatmeal back into the glass jar.

Bones: Mom… remember when the jar fell over in your car?

Me: *blink*

Mr. T, looking at Bones: I really think he slipped through one of these holes in the top of the lid.

Me: *blink*

Bones: Well, Mr. T is missing one now and we think he’s in your car.

Me: There is a mealworm in my car.

Bones: Yes. And we’ll never find him…

Mr. T: He’s probably under a seat…

Bones: He blends…

Mr. T: We’d never find him…


So on top of all the other weird crap that has been in my car, please feel free to add, “a mealworm.”

Meanwhile, as we drove around town, the boys got into some bizarre conversation about cannibals and I swear this conversation occurred.

Mr. T, not wearing his politically correct or sensitive hat today: Mom, let’s say that you have a cannibal in an execution chamber and the guy they are executing is Chinese, and they use the electric chair and burn him. If the cannibal asks for Chinese food, will they just feed him that Chinese guy in the electric chair?

Me: *gasp*

Bones and Ringo laughed.

Me: That is so not right…

And then the conversation continued on the ways to execute from the old fashioned ways, to the ways in Florida, to methods in other states, and how firing squads work and what happens if a guillotine doesn’t work right, and on and on and on…

… and after about five minutes I finally said, “Enough.”

I just couldn’t take it anymore.


Posted by Boudicca at February 18, 2009 10:23 PM | TrackBack

Do they know sometimes the head is still "alive" after it's chopped off?

Posted by: Toluca Nole at February 18, 2009 10:59 PM

I'd take fried Chinese over meal worms any day. Who knows, maybe meal worms give off that "new car" smell when they decompose -- maybe.

Posted by: Bob at February 18, 2009 11:03 PM

TN- They might. It was discussed kind of... although I got confused as T kept talking about 'when it didn't work' as in the guillotine didn't take the head off and the person was still alive. So I'm not sure... but I got the impression that RINGO does... but not Bones.

Bob- Oh I've had green peas ferment in my car. It can't be worse than that.

The green peas incident is what gave me the title of the book I'll never write, "Something is Fermenting in my Car."

Posted by: Bou at February 18, 2009 11:21 PM

Can I just tell you? I love boys!

Posted by: oddybobo at February 18, 2009 11:22 PM

It's so unfortunate (but very, mentally, safe) that my daughter will never meet your boys...


Posted by: Flam at February 19, 2009 12:25 AM

Flam- They're going to be her little Army!!!

Posted by: Bou at February 19, 2009 06:49 AM

"I finally said, “Enough.” "

Personally, i think you should cultivate these conversations in your boys. Perhaps someday they could elevate to the position of US Supreme Court Justice and we would then live in a much more just and safe society when they brought back the public guillotine, which i'm all for by the way. Of course, if they would take some advice from an old guy in OK at that time..."lets make it heavier, much heavier, so it can be lowered, not fall, onto the heads of those social degenerates.
Perhaps a Damoclesian sword for the lesser offenders."

Posted by: jayzapiper@cableone.net at February 19, 2009 09:34 AM

The guillotine thing... its too gruesome for me. I don't like the whole 'head is still alive' thing. Blech.

But I'm all about public execution. Hell, I'm OK if the televise it... but I think I'd prefer to have them watch another method.

In the case of someone who committed a crime against a child, it should be televised nationally and I think a firing squad would be perfect.

Posted by: Bou at February 19, 2009 10:09 AM

I used to have to feed meal worms to our glass lizard when I was a preschool teacher. Those meal worms REALLY smelled after a while. Tell the boys the hamsters smell like flowers compared to the meal worms.

Posted by: Morrigan at February 19, 2009 10:27 AM

I think I love your family! I am trying to imagine what 90 gallons of mealworms would look like, and it's a pretty roiling mental visual :) In a strange way, it really would be kind of cool ... definitely a boy thing, though!

And ... Chinese food? LOL! But, I wonder ... would Mexican food give you gas? And could you take that crispy or soft shell?

Posted by: PeggyU at February 19, 2009 12:41 PM

Ah, the Manchild. Is there anything so wonderfully dismaying?

Boys are teh awesome.

Posted by: Joan of Argghh! at February 19, 2009 07:30 PM