March 24, 2009


Crazy hectic here as one of my husband's peers will be staying with us this weekend, starting tomorrow night.

Lots of dusting, polishing, and ship shaping.

This is the 2nd week in a row I've had to visit my father in law's new residence and lodge yet another complaint.

I left with the personal cell number of the director.

I called later the nurse that heads up 'wellness' to make sure she knew of my conversation with the director... not that I want to go over her head, but she's never in when I need to speak to her.

I hung up with her personal cell phone number as well.

They've both asked me to call any time... even 2AM as any problem needs to be remedied IMMEDIATELY with the staff member not doing what is right... rather than waiting until they are gone.

We will see.

This transition has not been as smooth as it should have been and we're all flat worn out.

It makes me wonder two things.

1) What happens to those who have no one to fight for them?

2) Will my children fight for me?

Number 2 may be rhetorical as I feel more and more steeped in my belief that I will never let my life get so far that I need someone to fight my battles.

Boudicca had it right... in her final response to the Romans.

Posted by Boudicca at March 24, 2009 09:30 PM

Bou, I know how you feel. A couple of years ago my gran fell and broke her arm. She waited in hospital for two weeks (I hate socialised health care) before they pinned her arm, and during that two weeks we were told by Doctors that at her age the operation could be distressing, and the bone wasn't out of line so it would be better to let it set naturally. We insisted that they were going to fix it, and later a nurse told us my gran would probably have lost most of the power in her arm if it hadn't been pinned. Thinking of those who don't have someone to fight for them is depressing...
Keep pushing. The more noise you make, the more likely you are to be heard. Caring for our family and fighting for them when they can't fight for themselves is tough, but it's also a privilege and what family is all about.

Posted by: Rachel at March 25, 2009 05:18 AM

Rachel- Good Lord, that is ghastly! They know me now... and when I showed up yesterday, when they called to find the Director, they said, "Dr. L's daughter is here again. You really need to see her." He was Johnny on the spot. It's my 2nd visit to complain, but the family's FOURTH.

I think my fil feels bad about it, but he shouldn't. We picked a place close so I could drop by if I had to... as its 2 minutes from where I work, 2 minutes from the boys' school.

Next step was my husband going, which was going to be very ugly, but now that I have their phone numbers, I suspect that's not going to have to happen next. I suspect a phone call to someone's HOME at 10PM when the staff has screwed up, will fix an awful lot.

Posted by: Bou at March 25, 2009 05:42 AM

I never comment, but I read your blog daily. I just wanted to add that if your FIL is a WWII Vet or a Vet of Korean War - there is a little known benefit available from VA - VA will pay some amount for assisted living - not nursing home - assisted living. My BIL researched this carefully for his father. Unfortunately, his father entered service at the end of WWII and did not serve long enough during war time to qualify. This benefit is also available to spouses of vets. All of this is from by BIL - so if your FIL is a vet, call the VA and make sure he is not full of hot air.

Posted by: Donna at March 25, 2009 07:16 AM

Fortunately, right after my back surgery my brother-in-law was in town and he was able to forcefully get things done that I was unable to, including calling the surgeon at home. One does not mess with Ryan.

Hopefully when I get old I'll be too senile to know what's going on.

Posted by: Denny at March 25, 2009 02:30 PM

Donna- Thank you for commenting! Actually, he is a WWII vet and he qualifies for assistance... except he has too many assets. They will provide, I believe, something like $1800/mo towards assisted living/nursing home care, if his assets are at or below $80K. That's not his case, yet, but you never know... one good illness could take him down to that quickly.

Denny- I almost wonder if I'd be better off just losing my mind so I don't give a crap that I can't make any decisions for myself.

Posted by: Bou at March 25, 2009 05:44 PM

VA has a nursing home in Tampa and another in St Pete. I don't know what the requirements are as far as friends that have died their had assets but they also had agent orange poisoning and thus a service connected disability.

I don't know what I will do when the time comes...sweetthing will take good care of me I know as long as she is able..hell, she already does take care of me. But if I don't have her I might just take a 14'foot motor boat to Spain on 15 gallons of gasoline.

Posted by: GUYK at March 25, 2009 07:55 PM

My best friend's wife had MS and they had to put her in a nusrsing home because there was just no way he could work and take care of her too. Her family acted as if she did not exist and he had no family close by at all. He made sure that he was told everything that was going to be done and how and why and by whom. He was there before work, after work, took time off when the staff had meetings about her case and insisted that he be part of it. If it had not been for his pushing to make sure she got the care she needed I hate to think what would have happened. I absolutely hope that when the time comes I have someone to battle half that hard for me. You should not have to do all these things but if you don't the difference in the care you get is unbelievable. I have seen all too often that people go to these homes and they become so dismal they only last a short time. I know of one case when the guy lasted 3 days. Keep fighting for him. That is all you can do.

Posted by: dick at March 26, 2009 09:29 AM

Oh boy - I do so hope that things balance out soon!

Posted by: Richmond at March 26, 2009 05:45 PM