July 15, 2009

You Might Be a Redneck If...

Just a little background information, Bones has a little boy in his class whom I will call Luke Smith, that has crazy red hair.

Present time.

I am in Atlanta again, using Atlanta as a homebase, in this extraordinarily hectic vacation. My boys have things that they MUST do now every summer.

One of them is to harrass poor Eric, and have him take them up to the river about 30 minutes from his house.

Oh it's not just a river trip.

There are traditions now, in my boys' mind.

We have to get up, pick Eric up, stop at a small bakery they love, play at the river, and then stop at this place Eric calls The Beach, which is also along the river and sells hamburgers, hot dogs, corn dogs, chili cheese corn dogs, and all that you can imagine that is guaranteed to clog the arteries, to be topped with Mayfield Ice Cream (my fave).

And THEN, we MUST stop by some little gas station just at the base of the mountain and buy cokes in a glass bottle. Root beer, coke, sprite... anything in a bottle. It is a novelty and a VERY BIG DEAL.

So we were making our trip up the river when my eldest son decided that Eric needs to play the drums. Eric is fine not playing the drums, but kids being kids, this seemed to be the topic of the hour, for them to collectively convince Eric that he should take up the drums.

Eric said, "WHY should I take up the drums?"

Ringo replied, "You LOOK like a drummer..."

To which Eric retorted, "And exactly WHAT does a drummer look like?"

And to which Bones bursted out with, "A six foot two redneck."

I just sat there.

I wasn't sure what to say. Now I know that being a redneck, if you're a redneck, is kind of a badge of honor to some, but I've known Eric and his wife for nearly four years, if not longer, and there is nothing rednecky about them, in particular his wife who is of Scottish descent... as in... just came to America within the last eight years.

I was kind of horrified. Eric, of course, laughed, as he takes everything in stride. My boys poke, prod, tease, blurt stuff out, some of it over stuff they completely know is not true, just because... they can be as obnoxious as all get out.

I am always aghast. Most laugh.

So we got home and we were sitting at Mo's table having dinner with our friend, Sissy, when I relayed this story, probably because I needed to process the horror of it all... the things my kids say.


And Bones, listening says to us, "What? He IS a redneck!"

I said, "No, Bones, he is not..."

And he said, quite testily, "YES HE IS! He has orange hair and his neck is red."


We said, "What?"

He said again, "You heard me. Yes he is! He has orange hair and his neck is red!"

We were busting out laughing and he continued, "He's a redneck and so is Luke Smith. Luke is too!"

I said, "No, Luke is NOT a redneck. He just has red hair. I don't think you know what a redneck is."

We explained it to him and he sighed, "Then nobody in my class knows what a redneck is either, because they always tell Luke he's one..."

So there you have it. Life according to Bones. If you have red/orange hair, you're a redneck.

Bones is going to be in 5th grade. I wonder if I'll ever be smarter than a 5th grader?

Posted by Boudicca at July 15, 2009 10:52 PM

Oh, that's too funny!!!

I think many "rednecks" may be of Scottish descent. I'm pretty sure the McCoys (of Hatfield and McCoy notoriety)were Scottish.

Posted by: PeggyU at July 15, 2009 11:35 PM

Sounds like Bones needs to watch a few Jeff Foxworthy skits and listen carefully. Like, front porch collapsing and killing more than three dogs, moving the transmission to take a bath, yelling "Somebody go jiggle the handle!" (which qualifies us), etc, so he'll know when to properly apply the redneck label.

And ditto on the bottled Cokes. Nothing like a frosty cold Coke straight out of the original bottle. Runnerups - Pepsi & RC. I was originally from West Virginia, where both of the latter were quite common.

Posted by: diamond dave at July 16, 2009 01:17 AM

.... bhwhaha..... well, I've certainly been called a lot worse things!...... it was a pleasure being host to you and your boys, Bou!..... they make me feel like an Uncle!....

Posted by: Eric at July 16, 2009 05:52 AM

Oy gevald. To have been a fly on the wall, just to see the look on Eric's face.

Posted by: Erica at July 16, 2009 05:57 AM

Send them to me . . . I know from rednecks . . . ;) But really, THAT'S SOME FUNNY STUFF . . . .I DON'T CARE WHO YOU ARE! ;)

Posted by: oddybobo at July 16, 2009 07:59 AM

Korean with Scotch and German influence and a USA flag-waving father. My son is sooo screwed...but only one more belt away from getting his Black Belt.
Stuff has a way of evening out.

Posted by: JihadGene at July 16, 2009 01:10 PM

Bones should have his own blog. He is a constant reminder of Art Linkletter's old saying: "Don't kids say the Gawd-damndest things?"

PeggyU mentioned the Hatfields and the McCoys, two redneck families who were engaged in a legendary feud. The fellow who owns our garbage company is a Hatfield... and, indeed, he is descended from that very Hatfield clan. You meet the most interesting peepul in the South...

Posted by: Elisson at July 16, 2009 01:18 PM

Eric the Celtic Redneck.

Kinda has a ring to it...


Posted by: P'Cola Titan at July 16, 2009 10:05 PM

Y'all would not believe half the stuff my kids said this trip. Blech.

Honestly, meeting a Hatfield? That would be too cool!!! I think I might work with a McCoy...

PT- It's his wife that is the Scot. :) I always say he's more Viking.

Posted by: Bou at July 16, 2009 11:03 PM

ROFLMAO - if they think Eric is a redneck... I think their eyes would pop if they saw my son's hair.

I love it.

Posted by: Teresa at July 17, 2009 10:55 AM