September 02, 2009

Sleepless in WPB

I'm pretty stressed and sleep is not coming anymore. I have come to realize the past few years, when I am stressed, I wake up confused. I wake up looking at the clock, trying to make sense, looking outside as to how much light, looking back at the clock.

It's not uncommon for me to walk the house, trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. The answer, of course, is sleeping, but in my stressed out subconscious, at 2AM, that answer is not obvious.

It has been getting worse.

I walked the house twice last night, once to look at the kitchen clock in hopes I'd understand more as to how much time I had left to sleep (it was 12:30) and once at 3:30 because I thought I heard someone turn off the alarm, so I checked on the kids.

Part of it is the upcoming race. The logistics of going to a strange city, trying to get to a race alone amongst 20,000 people and wanting to get back home to my family as well. It would be nice if the Tropical Storm stayed off the coast to Wednesday so I can be home with my family.

Part of it is work. I'm working damn close to full time now, trying to meet the needs of my family. The economy is bad and it has had its adverse effects upon my husband's business.

Work is stressful. I'm having to work with one of those personalities that is just... difficult. Difficult, arrogant... the type of person, that when someone in my office is on the phone with him (he works at Company X, our customer), that invariably, the phone is slammed down and a declaration of "A$$hole!" can be heard throughout the office.

Typically I'll chime in dryly from my little corner of the office, "He needs killin'".

Most people who work with him, just scream at him after they've slammed down the phone. That is not my MO.

I'll completely stand up for myself and go toe to toe... and THEN slam down the phone and yell, "A$$hole" although today I said loudly, "I'm so disappointed he didn't get hit by a truck last night."

Jimmy the Greek thinks this is completely awful. I said quietly, "OK, a small truck. Just maim him so he's out of the office for 6 weeks or forever."

So this has upped the stress level considerably at work. Working with such a$$holery makes it harder to want to go in, gearing up for the fight every time.

I hate it. I have no qualms verbally slitting someone's jugular, but it is draining and I'd rather not. Not anymore.

The kids are doing well in school. We are on our 3rd week of 'hope'. It is going well.

We are also on day 24 of the wait for the Nicaraguan uniforms. I will call tomorrow.

Long days. Very long days. Much stress. Headaches. Lack of sleep. I think what worries me, is I don't see a way to quell the stress. I don't see an end in sight.

Let us see if the race being over takes care of it... we'll see.

And a special shout out to Dax, who posted a very cool video that I showed my son tonight. He's been struggling with both his instruments, double and electric bass, a type of struggle and frustration that occurs before big growth. The video opened his eyes to... thinking out of the box. He said, 'He played it like a big guitar..."

I think he has the potential to be good. I really do. He just needs to stick with it and realize... there are going to be days that suck and days of glory. He's just kind of in the weeds of suckage right now... being that freshman with all those juniors and seniors who really know how to play. Compared to him, that is.

Posted by Boudicca at September 2, 2009 09:35 PM

I hear ya Bou, it's usually when I could use the sleep the most that I get it the least, like the night before an interview, which happened this week. It can be very difficult to switch off, if I find a solution you'll be the first to know!

Posted by: Amanda at September 2, 2009 11:56 PM

For relaxation before bed, I find myself watching massage videos on Youtube. And imagine getting myself one.

All of a sudden I feel dirty after saying that. Guess I need the real thing.

Posted by: diamond dave at September 2, 2009 11:57 PM

Dave: That totally cracked me up! A vicarious massage!

Posted by: PeggyU at September 3, 2009 03:41 AM

Bou, as a new reader (I came to your site on a link from Denny Wilson "Grouchy Old Cripple"), may I have the temerity to offer you another You Tube video for your son. This video is Victor Wooten playing Norwegian Wood on electric bass. Maybe it will give Ringo something to work towards on electric. Tell him not to get discouraged. The artistic / musical muse is a fickle and tempramental goddess. I was unable to post the you tube link, so, if you are interested, you can check it out under Victor Wooten's name on you tube.
Best to you and yours,
Nich Connelly

Posted by: WolfDog at September 3, 2009 10:13 AM

Your son is lucky in that he's got some players better than him to watch and learn from. It's tough being the best, especially if there's nobody to push you to be better.

Also, as boring as it is, the fundamentals like scales and sight-reading music are critical. Keep practicing the fundamentals and one day he'll realize that he's kicking butt and making it look easy.

A good player in a so-so band has fun, but a good player who can sight-read gets more calls from bands who need players, both long and short term. One of the best guitar players I ever knew probably played for 30 bands a year, filling in for others on vacation, out sick, etc. He made good money and probably worked as a musician 40-50 weeks a year.

Posted by: Ted at September 3, 2009 03:36 PM

There are videos on YouTube of a fabulous European band called Apolyptica. The band plays everything from Metallica to classical music - on cellos! Ringo might find some of their techniques and styles interesting and inspiring.

Posted by: Mary at September 4, 2009 11:52 PM