October 19, 2009

How Halloween Came to be About Gassy Condiments

Halloween is here again and my boys are getting older.

Why, it was just 7 years ago when Bones changed costumes five times during the evening. In my mini-van he had these little hooded towels that were sewn as... something. There was the bumblebee, the lady bug, a shark, and Stitch from Lilo and Stitch. Then he had his real costume which was a Lion costume I'd sewn four years prior, worn by every brother. (It was a cool lion costume.)

And so that Halloween evening, every time Bones got in the car, he changed his costume.

I should have seen that as a sign of things to come... yet I did not.

Since that Halloween, with all the boys, we have gone from cute to scary such as bloody ghouls or black clad death to ninjas. We have many many ninja costumes.

We went through a stage where we were pretty much all about the weapons. We have every type of fake weapon you could imagine, from assorted ninja weapons to scythes, swords that are four feet long, to some pointy spiky ball thing hanging from chains... all thankfully in plastic.

Other parents spent time with their children at the costume wall. My children held me captive at the weapon section.

Until this year.

Well, perhaps last year. Ringo and Mr. T stayed ghouly death-like, while Bones had to be a Pimp. Of course he has still not a clue what a pimp is, hell the kid has yet to ask about sex (thank God for that one... I can't imagine where the train of thought is going to go when we have THE talk with him), yet alone understand what a pimp actually does.

But I let him be a pimp and he was decked out, if you recall, in leopard skin and fake velvet with a hat and a walking cane.

So imagine my surprise when he told me what he wanted to be this year.

A banana.

I'm not kidding. Oooooo... scary! Watch out for the banana! You might slip!

A banana?

So off to the costume store we went today as I was actually afraid they'd run out of banana costumes.

Mr. T picked out his (more on that) and Bones got his banana costume. He put it on and he HATED it.

He felt as if the banana costume didn't cover enough of his body, it seemed deflated and the tip was droopy. I said, "Dude, I'm supposed to fill it full of tissue paper to get it all stuffed out."

He looked at me and his brothers and said with a forlorn face, "I'm a sad banana...."


So I had him take off the banana costume and go get another for we cannot have a Sad Banana on Halloween.

Hell, I couldn't believe we were having a banana... at all!

I figured he'd come back with something bloody, something ghouly with a beating heart pumping blood.


He is now... a Bottle of Mustard.

And Mr. T?

He is going as a Whoopy Cushion. I kid you not.

We were at dinner and my husband said, "Great. Does this Whoopy Cushion make noise?"

Rolling my eyes incredulously I said, "Phht. OF COURSE IT DOES!" and as if on cue, Mr. T made big gas noises with his mouth.

The ultimate whoopy cushion and quite honestly, nothing could be more appropriate. Perhaps we should feed him lots of dairy before he goes trick or treating... pizza and ice cream always make him nice and gassy.

And so that is what they are this year, no more death, we've moved on to mustard and whoopy cushions.

Meanwhile, my eldest and his buddy have decided to not quite hang up their costumes. Halloween has become... a performance art. My son is going as Yoda, his buddy as Darth Vader, and they are going to go door to door and have light saber fights as people open the door.

Halloween Performance Art.

Bones said, "People are going to slam the door. You're going to bore them."

I'm not so sure slamming the door is what will happen. This will be interesting...

Posted by Boudicca at October 19, 2009 08:39 PM

when do I need to drop off all the lightsabers?

Posted by: vw bug at October 20, 2009 04:50 AM

I think we have enough... I need to check this weekend.

Posted by: bou at October 20, 2009 05:29 AM

LOL, does this whoopie cushion make noise?
"More than you know" :)

Posted by: GaMongrel at October 20, 2009 11:04 AM

I'm having a hard time visualizing the whoopie cushion costume. Photos are in order. ;)

Posted by: PeggyU at October 20, 2009 11:29 AM

Bring out the video camera!

Posted by: Sissy at October 21, 2009 01:26 AM