May 23, 2010

Flexing One's Muscles

A girlfriend of mine said once that I don't realize it, but that Bones is more like me than I realize. Take out the lack of focus part in school, and evidently I'm the tree and he's the apple that did not fall very far.

I look for it now. He'll do things and I'll say, "Would I do that?" Mostly I hear myself say, "Absolutely not", but sometimes he'll do something or say something and I'll say, "Yeah, that was me..."

We were in the parking lot at Publix the other day and he was chattering as he does, I was listening, when we passed a vehicle, got to my car, both stopped in our tracks, turned around and looked at each other and before I could say a word, he did, "What in the heck is that?"

It was... a Ford Flex.

My husband and my sister have been hearing me talk about this Ford Flex now since the incident. At first I was aghast.

Bones comment, "Mom, it looks like half a hummer, like someone chopped off that top."

My take, "It looks like someone grabbed the ass of a station wagon and pulled."

We are currently a one car (mini-van) family (something I don't want to delve into right now as its too upsetting) and as we drive around now, my husband will point out all the Ford Flexes around town, something I had not noticed.

The one we saw originally was either all silver or all white and had a funky grill... so it kind of looked like a huge appliance on wheels to me. Since then we've seen it in a couple different colors.

For the last few days I've said, "Good Lord. WHO would WANT to drive a FORD FLEX? WHO?" I've been laughing...

My sister informed me that she saw one with a fridge inside.

My husband informed me they do have a lot of space and they don't remind him of a hummer, a limo, or a station wagon that had its ass pulled out, all suggestions between me and my kids. He, always being steeped in the serious and analytical, in particular when it comes to cars, finds nothing funny about the Ford Flex.

The car cracks me up.

And now I want one.

No sh**, I want a Ford Flex. I went on line this morning to look it up. This is what Wikipedia said about it (no, I do not use wiki as a source of great truth, but this was funny):

Interior The 2009 Ford Flex includes seven-passenger seating, including adjustable and removable footrests for second-row passengers. The second and third row seats fold flat into the floor. The vehicle includes a class-exclusive optional interior "mini-fridge" refrigerator in the middle console mounted between the second-row seats. A voice-activated communications and entertainment system, called Ford Sync, integrates the functions of cell phones, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, compact disc, DVD and other media players, navigation systems, and was developed in collaboration with Microsoft. The interior is lit with programmable "mood lighting" available in seven colors, along with a multi-panel Vista Roof, similar to that on the Ford Edge, for skylighting. The Navigation system has a built in hard drive for music and picture storage.[6]

I bolded the mood lighting.

Who puts mood lighting and why? Let me get this straight... the back two rows of seats fold down flat, so essentially the entire back end becomes as big as a king sized bed and... there is mood lighting.

I guess this is a car we don't let our teenagers drive.


"Hey, hun, let's add some spice to our lives... and do it in the back of our car. There's mood lighting, a fridge, and music..."

I'm at a bit of a loss, but push past the mood lighting and someone put some SERIOUS thought into this car. You can go to the Ford site HERE to see the features.

And so I declared this morning to my husband, 'I want a Ford Flex!'

He stood there for a minute and replied, "You're kidding me..."

Me: No. I can't quit laughing. That's what I want.

Husband: You want to trade in your mini-van and get a Ford Flex?

Me: Well, not right now, I still only have 145K miles on my car. I need to get it to 200K before I get rid of it. That's two years and if I still need a big car, I want a Ford Flex.

Husband: Tell me right now you don't think for a minute that a Ford Flex is sexier than a mini-van, because it's not... it's the same plane.

Me: Oh no, I realize that, I just think it's more fun...

Husband, realizing I have trouble parking... anything: You would struggle with the shape of that vehicle.

Upon opening the Ford site, I saw it gets 17 mpg in city.

Me: Crap. It only gets 17 mpg. Well, there goes that idea.

Husband, walking away: Right...

I was so close to finding my next vehicle! So... CLOSE!


Posted by Boudicca at May 23, 2010 08:56 AM

The Flex was in this month's AutoClub Westways magazine. Bummer about the mileage. As for parking ... no worries with the help of feature #24 -- Parking Assist with ultrasonic sensors at the push of a button. (

I did enjoy the magazine's mini review when they talked about the EcoBoost V6 engine...
QUOTE -- "Even with all-wheel drive (standard with EcoBoost), the twin-turbo Flex takes off like a junkyard dog after a burglar."

Posted by: cin at May 23, 2010 11:27 AM

You know, you married a good man.

Posted by: Curtis at May 23, 2010 04:50 PM

My cousin has the flex and loves it!

Posted by: pfb at May 23, 2010 05:39 PM

Bou - Maybe you should write to the Ford people and ask them to take it to the next level of ludicrous ... and make a hybrid version.

Posted by: PeggyU at May 24, 2010 10:47 AM

Ford Flex = gag me

I hate hate hate that vehicle, especially with that god awful white roof on a colored car.

Mr Weenie loves it though, I rag on him about it everytime I see one.

Reminds me of an old station wagon on steroids, blech.

But just remember, if you do get one I can get you the ford friends/family plan. Which is usually a few thousand off sticker price.

Posted by: Quality Weenie at May 24, 2010 05:00 PM

May I ask, What Incident?

Posted by: Jay Stribling at May 24, 2010 10:02 PM

Jay... well... we were driving home Tuesday night and a light came on his dashboard. It was me, Bones and my husband. He said to me, "Bou, could you look in the glove box and check to see what light this is?" So I opened the book, checked the light and read, "Take your car to the dealership for repair" and told him it was an 'air suspension' light. He has an air suspension system. So we kept toodling down the road and a SECOND light came on and he said in a more alarmed voice, "Bou, could you check to see what THIS light means?" and so I grabbed the book and read, "Do not drive your car..." It kind of went down hill from there and now it's a lot of money to fix.

As horrible as it is, looking at the bill, we keep laughing as we tell people the story because the whole thing was so ghastly, as in particular, in between lights, my husband notices the right side of the car is riding LOWER than the left and he says it's riding rough. I never noticed because... I just didn't. It's not my car. So he's carrying on about "Can't you see how the front end looks? Don't you feel how rough it is?" and I'm like, "Whatever..." and then the 2nd light came on... "Do not drive your car..."

Needless to say, it's in the shop. I found out today the company pays for the repairs, but until now, I thought it was coming out of savings and I quit sleeping. Now... I'm laughing a little harder... but just because it's so dang absurd.

"Do not drive your car..."

Posted by: bou at May 24, 2010 10:35 PM

I mean seriously, you build aircraft, for US? Have you considered getting a job in Hong Kong or Shanghai? :)

Posted by: Curtis at May 25, 2010 03:46 AM