January 18, 2011

Relationships and Bones' World

More on this relationship teenage boys have with food. Good grief.

I went to Publix today to pick up a couple items for dinner. Today was evidently... Sample Day. Every aisle you turned down, there was a sample. The deli had sandwich slices, the seafood area had shrimp and sushi rolls, next to the deli someone was dishing out ice cream.

Everywhere we turned... there was food.

Ringo had stayed in the car, but Bones was with me and he literally ate his way through Publix. It was like being with a termite. Or locus.

"This turkey sandwich is good, but I wish I'd gotten the ham because that one had tomato"

'OOOOHH! Look! SUSHI!!! Mom, Mom, Mom!..." to which I waved him off telling him to go forth and eat.

He came back to me saying, with a mouthfull of rice and fish, "Do you think Publix is losing money? Are they giving away samples to get rid of food?"

I said, "NO! They want you to BUY their food! They're trying to figure out a way for you to try new things!"

He seemed to contemplate that as he stuffed a shrimp in his mouth and mosied down the aisle in search of more food.

We got in the car, where we had a quick in depth conversation about Popeye, and he said to his brother, "Boy, you really missed out! Today was food day! They had samples ALL OVER! Everywhere you walked, you would run into someone handing you food!"

Ringo was suddenly alert, "There was food?! Samples? All over? Mom, swing by the front, drop me off and circle the parking lot. I want a sandwich..."

And... I frickin' did it. I actually swung around for him to run in as Bones is yelling after him, "THE SANDWICHES ARE TO THE RIGHT JUST WHEN YOU WALK IN, NEXT TO THE DELI! THE ICE CREAM IS NEXT TO IT!"

Ringo jumped out, I circled twice and... he came out empty handed.

I looked at him and said, "Where? Where is the food?"

He shrugged and said, "Oh. I already ate it. I had a turkey sandwich. You need to buy more turkey. That was great. And I had strawberry cheesecake ice cream. OMG. It was GREAT. It was the best ice cream I've EVER had! You need to go back and buy some of that ice cream! And the turkey! But the ice cream was fantastic!"

I just sat there, looking in my rearview mirror looking at Bones, who stared back at me with wide eyes. Finally I said to him, "See. It's a Marketing tool..." as we continued to listen to Ringo carry on about the best turkey and the best ice cream and how we should just eat dinner at Publix and what was the probability that maybe Dad could stop by on the way home and pick up both?



Meanwhile, Bones does not really look or read. He only listens, which means he's constantly trying to assimilate what he hears to what he thinks makes sense.

For instance:

At dinner tonight, as we were cleaning the kitchen he said, "And there I was, stuck in the depths of the Marijuana Trench..."

All activity in the kitchen stopped as the four of us looked at him. Finally Ringo said, "You mean... the Mariana Trench..."

I said, 'And what movie did THAT come from?" He replied it didn't come from a movie, but from something he learned in school today.

Evidently his CLASS is studying the Mariana Trench, but not Bones, he's off on his planet studying the Marijuana Trench.

And I asked what movie this was because as he and Ringo were setting the table tonight I heard him say, "The Sayonara Razor Blades are in the glove box, help yourself. bwhahahahahahaa!"

Ringo said, "WHAT? What movie is that from?"

And he repeated, "The Sayonara Razor Blades are in the glove box, help yourself" and he started to laugh again.

Ringo said, "That is not right..."

To which Bones replied, "The Rocker. The best movie EVER." (I hate that movie.)

Ringo said, "Bones. It's not Sayonara Razor Blades. It's CYANIDE and Razor Blades..."

And funnier still, it was confirmed today by Ringo, that his little brother definitely lives on a different planet. The other day he said to his Dad, "I don't think Bones dreams what we dream. I think his dreams are all fluffy clouds and candy..."

Bones didn't know this.

Today, in the kitchen, we were discussing how Ringo's alarm goes off forever. Everyone thinks it's annoying as hell, but him. He needs an alarm clock that will actually get up and grab him.

Says Bones, "You know, I have to tell you my dream, Ringo. I was dreaming about this bunny, and he was talking to me ,and suddenly, out of his mouth came, Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! It was your FRICKIN' ALARM CLOCK!"

I started to laugh, but Ringo... he had this incredulous look. He looked over at me and said, "I knew it! I knew it! I just told Dad he's not like the rest of us. MOM! He dreams of BUNNIES! HE.DREAMS.OF.BUNNIES!"

Bones didn't get it. He kept reiterating, "Yeah, bunnies that talk to me in the sound of an alarm clock. Your alarm clock is intruding on my dreams!"

Ringo and I couldn't quit laughing.


And for my last Bones' story of the day, we were walking back to the car from Publix (today was a busy Bones day... he was on a roll) and he started talking about Popeye.

Bones: Mom, they don't show Popeye anymore. That was a pretty cool cartoon. Sometimes, the really old ones were black and white.

Me: Well, I don't remember the black and white, but yeah, they were cool. What was your favorite part?

Bones: Oh I like the part where he eats those beets and he gets all muscular.

Me: *blink* Dude, he didn't eat beets...

Bones: Yup, yup, he sure did. You don't remember? He ate a can of beets and got all strong.

Me: They weren't beets. It was spinach...

And then... he proceeded to frickin' ARGUE with me. He was determined that HE was right.

We got in the car and I looked at Ringo and said, "What did Popeye eat to get strong?" He replied, "Spinach..."

I looked at Bones cockeyed and Ringo said, "What. What did I miss?" to which I replied, "The Popeye YOU and I watched, ate spinach. Bones' Popeye ate beets..." and from there... Bones deftly diverted the conversation to that at the top of this post, "Boy! You really missed out!..."

Posted by Boudicca at January 18, 2011 08:46 PM

Marching to a different beet.

Ma says her dad loved popeye... The black and white ones, because he died in the '30s. I've heard rumors that in popeye's mumbling back in the day, they'd drop in swear words.

Posted by: K-nine at January 18, 2011 09:36 PM

Bones. My beetnik. I realized today how much of our conversations occur in the kitchen or while around food. It's that teenage boy think that Carl was talking about in one of my posts... that relationship with boys and food. I think that's all the do... eat.

I'm going to look for the old black and white ones...

Posted by: Bou at January 18, 2011 10:46 PM

Bou- It was customer apprciation day at Publix!!! Every Publix was giving away tons of samples. Too funny! It was the highlight of our 92 year old Uncle Joe's day too! haha

Posted by: jd at January 18, 2011 10:55 PM


I shall break it to you now, the food thing doesn't end with the teen years. My kids were out at a bar one night buying dinner. My son ordered a hamburger and fries, I have no idea what my daughter got. They brought the food. Then, as my daughter tells it...

"Mom, the waitress walked off to get the ketchup. She didn't do anything else, just went to get the ketchup from the kitchen and come back to the table because our table had none. She walked up with it and looked at your son's plate and said... Well, I did bring this back for your burger. Where is your burger?

Mom - he had eaten the entire thing and it was BIG! AND he was almost done with his fries!"

I think we'll be laughing about that for years.

Posted by: Teresa at January 18, 2011 11:42 PM

Do you have a vhs player? I'm pretty sure we have an old b&w popeye you can borrow.

Posted by: vwbug at January 19, 2011 06:29 AM

... my goodness..... I still can't get over the Marijuana Trench.....

Posted by: Eric at January 19, 2011 06:46 AM

Here's an early popeye (puports to be the first, but I don't know). I think he's been in the marijuana trench.


Posted by: K-nine at January 19, 2011 08:49 AM

Are you sure Bones doesn't need hearing aids? If you're missing the high notes, you miss the consonants, which are what make you understand the words, as in "no" vs. "go."

If the kids like food samples, don't take them to Sam's or Costco, they'll go nuts. I think some folks go to those stores just to nosh their way around and get a free meal!

Posted by: George P at January 19, 2011 10:25 AM

I'm laughing at 'Sayonara Razor Blades'. One of those multi-purpose products.


Posted by: Jean at January 19, 2011 05:39 PM

I'm with Eric. OMG! Too funny!

Posted by: Lemon Stand at January 19, 2011 09:30 PM

Knine- OK, that was awesome. I had no idea that Betty Boop was in the first Popeye. And I have decided that Chuck Norris WISHES he could be Popeye!

George- They do hearing tests at school. I think he's OK, but it's a thought. I think if he had hearing problems, he'd not be pitch perfect when he sings... there is that. I think he really is trying to assimilate. A Mariana is nothing. Marijuana... well, we know what that is! Cyanide is not a word to him... but he's heard Sayonara. (Go figure...) My teenager would love eating through Sams!

JD- We walked into Publix today and he was so disappointed!!! I think he wanted it to be appreciation WEEK.

Jean- Oh! Get your Sayonara Razor Blades when you purchase one set of Gingko Knives!

Teresa- Boys and their food. Holy cats. They're like vaccuums! I can't believe your son didn't get heartburn!

VW- We can get them on youtube, evidently. I'll have to show Bones. It'll be something else for him to mimic... (Great)

Eric and Lemonstand- Yeah, I'm not letting him forget about the Marijuana Trench. And Lord only knows what I'm going to get googled for now.

Posted by: Bou at January 19, 2011 10:05 PM

Was the trip to the store AFTER the visit to the Marijuana Trench? 'Cuz that trip will make you hungry for sure! ;)

Between that and the Sayonara Razor Blades ... as a friend of mine would say, your son is a "caution"!

I've got one for you. This one was from our oldest son (when he was very young): First Bat Piss Church. Yes, the First Baptist Church is down the hill from our house, and the boy could read, but somehow he didn't make the connection between his ears and his eyes.

Posted by: PeggyU at January 20, 2011 02:05 AM

The Marijuana Trench is where the other kids from Scenic Hills hung out remember?

Posted by: P'cola Titan at January 20, 2011 11:06 PM

That Bones. He'll either be President or the next Jeffrey Dahmer. I doubt there will be an inbetween. Grab hold and hang on! It's going to be quite a ride!

Posted by: Peter at January 20, 2011 11:38 PM

What? He didn't hear Popeye sing, "I'm strong to the finach, 'cause I eats me spinach, I'm Popeye the sailor man. Toot! Toot!"

Posted by: Denny at January 21, 2011 11:20 PM