May 25, 2011

Quite a Condomdrum

And so it goes, that some one entrepreneurial young man decided to sell condoms to his young classmates at... four bucks a pop. Of course, said young men, never having held a condom in their hand, let alone having seen one, were completely game.

After getting as many fellow young men as possible to join in the reindeer games of "Look what I bought! Don't you want one too?" he lowered the price... as to sell... more.

And this took place over a couple months perhaps, although it could have been just weeks as time means nothing to a boy named Bones.

And lining one's pocket the young entrepreneur did... until 'someone snitched on him' and the young man had to meet with the Assistant Principal for 6th grade who not only wanted all the goods turned over, but the names of all the recipients.

To which he readily put forward, being in 6th grade and all, and not really ready to take a fall for his comrades... over condoms.

And Bones name was on the list where he was given the option to either tell his dear sweet Mother or a phone call would be put forth from the Assistant Principal.

Never having seen the contraband, so many questions have been left unanswered; verily I say to thee, that for four bucks he surely should have gotten an extra large lubed glow in the dark ribbed with some sort of tickler.

It is suspect he received small, latex, one size fits most, non-descript.

And said his dear sweet Mother to the boy who had been taken for four bucks and was now out one condom, 'And what exactly did you learn from this?"

The reply came, "That it helps an awful lot if the Assistant Principal likes you..."

Said the Mother, " *blink* Did you not learn that succumbing to peer pressure is not a good thing? To be your own man? To listen to that small voice that may be telling you that something is not a good idea?"

And the small voice from the back gave a lengthy pause and said, "Yeah, I guess" which translates to... "Abso-frickin'-lutely not".

Punishment was not doled out to the seller, other than calling his own dear sweet mother, since no harm was really done, but what I would have paid to see her expression when she found out that her sweet boy was quite the little businessman selling condoms to all his buddies at school for four bucks and then, of course, wondering where the loot was obtained.

I'd surely like to find her blog and read it. I strongly suspect it is far more interesting as will be their Thanksgiving dinner 25 years ago when they reminisce about their childhood antics. "And dear, do you remember the time that Johnny made 60 dollars selling condoms to his 6th grade buddies?"

And of course I had to ask if Bones knew exactly what they were and how they were used, to which he answered to the affirmative. He said he learned it the human growth class they teach.

Which would have been the Public School version this year because I know for a fact the Private School 5th grade one in which he participated covered no such thing... the Catholic Church not being all big on birth control... and all that.

This is going to prove to be an interesting six years. I'm starting to buckle in... it's going to be a bumpy ride...

Posted by Boudicca at May 25, 2011 03:11 PM

It may be bumpy, but it'll never be boring!

Posted by: pam at May 25, 2011 04:19 PM

Heck, if I'd known, I would've given him a box for free.

Posted by: Toluca Nole at May 25, 2011 04:25 PM

Pam... no, life with him is not boring.

TN... NO! do not. DO NOT. You can wait until he's 18. Then you can give him an economy sized bag for Christmas, that he can take back to school, and maybe put in a big bowl by the front door, or blow up like balloons at a party. Not that I know anyone who did that...

Posted by: Bou at May 25, 2011 04:29 PM

Sad thing is, in many schools (and clinics) he could've been handed one for free, regardless of his age or maturity or parental consent. Or attended a class as to how to properly use the things, using a cucumber as a... prop.

Posted by: diamond dave at May 25, 2011 04:49 PM

Pick your battles, and you can win the war.

Heh- and this SOOOOO sounds like one of my kids (on both ends, buying and selling).

Although, I would want to know why he didn't say anything or let it slip UNTIL the AP said he had to say something? AND, how's the AP supposed to know the parent was told? Is there a follow-up?

Posted by: Rave at May 25, 2011 04:51 PM

I see some of these in your future:

Posted by: vwbug at May 25, 2011 07:31 PM

Dave- he said in that class, they taught them about condoms. I was appalled. Seriously. I did not, however, ask them if they demo'd.

Actually the rest of the story went like this:

Me: Did you have the condom before or after the class?
Bones: Before.
Me: And?
Bones: They told us what they were for during the class and I realized, "I don't need this..." but I forgot to throw it out.

It was sitting in his backpack for most of this time. He'd completely forgotten it.

Rave- Nope, he'd never have told me. He completely forgot it was there. It had gone into the depths of the black hole that is his backpack and he forgot until the AP asked for it, to which he readily supplied it to her.

I've not gotten a phone call from her, but she did ask him if he talked to me. I have a feeling, that based on their conversation, she believes him.

VW- Don't you give those to any of us! Not in this house!

Posted by: Bou at May 25, 2011 07:48 PM

Heh...sounds like something my eldest stepson would have done. But in Catholic high school, they will talk about these various 'items'. And do cool science experiments about the spread of STDs.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at May 25, 2011 09:45 PM

I can't find the story but in March of 07 Crystal of B00bs, Injuries, and Dr. Pepper wrote a piece about what she did to her son when he was caught buying condoms for curiosity. She purchased a bunch of the finger cots VW mentioned. She put them all over his room. She even put one on his toothbrush. He was mortified. It was hilarious. She apparently deleted her achieves and shut down her blog.

We bought my sons a box of Magnums as a gag gift for Christmas one year. I think we still have them. I can send them your way!

Posted by: sticks at May 26, 2011 06:20 PM

Never having had kids, I'm wondering, what's wrong with them learning about condoms? Are they just too young or what? With the explosion in STDs and unwed births, I'd think it would be a GOOD thing for them to know.

I laughed my butt off about the young salesman. I see a job in real estate or at a used car lot in his future. He suckers folks into buying something they don't need at an inflated price? Is he related to Trump, by chance?

Posted by: George P at May 27, 2011 09:02 AM