September 26, 2011

Who Do Ya Hate?

So my boss who retired in December died about six weeks ago. A cancer finally got him. I immediately called his wife to see if she needed me to help her... she was in Tampa with him when he died and I got concerned she was going to get stuck there and be forced to make the trek back alone, a grieving widow, something that did come unexpected.

She was fine, she had a ride, but she told me the service would be later.

So I waited and waited and then I saw his Obit in the paper and it made NO mention of the two companies he worked for, only that he worked aerospace for the last 20+ years. Then it said his services were closed and private. I realized... we'd all been shut out.

That's fine. That's a choice. There was obviously a lot of anger there over something and that's not my business, but I was irritated as his grandson deserved to hear wonderful things said about him. (Y'all may remember parts of this... I think I did a post, planning my funeral.)

I thought nothing more of it.

On Friday I received a voicemail that I was invited to a service on Sunday at their home, a small get together. I was told only certain people had been invited. My gf and I were both invited. I wasn't in town so I couldn't go.

But today... it was so weird. None of us know who was and who was NOT invited and my voicemail said specifically that she wasn't inviting anyone my boss hated.

Those were the words.

So now my gf and I are wondering... who did he hate? The couple of us that KNOW we were invited at the LAST MINUTE, are quiet because we're wondering who else is being quiet for fear of offending someone, but they couldn't go because it was last minute.

Odd invitation. Plain as day, I'm inviting you because he liked you... not inviting anyone from work he hated.

Wow. Talk about the Passive Aggressive Funeral.

Posted by Boudicca at September 26, 2011 10:23 PM

I have a pretty long list of graves that I would like to pee on, some of which I have. This is one of the first times I've ever heard of anyone peeing on folks from the grave.

Posted by: Peter at September 27, 2011 12:06 AM

I believe that funerals should be for the living (or at least the service) and that anybody who needs closure should be able to attend. I guess I just havent met anybody I dislike enough to say I dont want them at my funeral. That, OK, I am still relativly young, and there are alot of jerks out there.

Posted by: Web at September 27, 2011 06:18 AM

I understand her holding onto him in that manner, but like Web remarked, the funeral is for the living. How does one hold onto hate after death?

Posted by: pam at September 27, 2011 07:59 AM

Well done to his widow.

Posted by: Angus of Jura at September 27, 2011 08:00 AM

If I hated someone enough to not want them at my funeral, chances are they hate me back enough to not even care if I passed away. No problem there.
Besides, I trust my family would have the good sense to discourage anyone that came only to share their drama.

Posted by: diamond dave at September 27, 2011 10:16 AM

I can't help but wonder if these are his wishes or hers. It doesn't sound like him does it? I went to a funeral once and it did not reflect in any way the gentle man we were paying our respects to. It was a reflection of his crazy daughter and we all left that funeral dazed and confused that this poor man may not rest in peace after all.

Posted by: jd at September 27, 2011 10:17 AM

What I gather from the description is that there were people that used him at the various companies. Kind of like people who took credit for the person's hard work to advance their own career. Spouses can be very defensive regarding how their husband/wife was treated at work.

We all know people who make others lives a living h3ll at work and think they are doing nothing wrong. Kind of like the people in the recent "Status and Power" study.

In those cases the comment "This is business not personal" doesn't cut it for the spouse and there is no reason to include the untrustworthy in the memorial service.

Posted by: The Thomas at September 27, 2011 08:36 PM

What I gather from the description is that there were people that used him at the various companies. Spouses can be very defensive regarding how their husband/wife was treated at work.

Posted by: The Thomas at September 27, 2011 08:39 PM

It is most definitely her and not him. It is her anger. But he wasn't treated poorly at work. He didn't do anything for him to get credit for. He literally did nothing. I'm wondering now what he told his wife. I'm wondering now what he presented himself to be at home to her... 'cuz it sure as heck wasn't reality. It has kind of made us laugh...

Someone asked me if he was a good boss. I said, "He was never an impediment and he was never mean." There is that...

Posted by: Bou at September 27, 2011 08:45 PM