March 07, 2012

Lex

I received a call last night from Tammi. She wanted to make sure I didn't read it in a blog or hear it through chatter.

She's called to tell me that Lex had died in a crash out at Fallon. He'd been flying a Kfir for a private company contracted out to do adversarial work for the Navy.

We waited it out in his comments last night, waiting for confirmation. Someone would know something, and although I knew already, and remained silent, I guess inside I still wanted to hear that it was not true.

It really was someone else that had climbed into his plane that day, even though the someone she knew saw his tailnumber.

I'll probably write more about Lex and my seven years of reading him. But right now, I'm just too damn devastated. It takes my breath away thinking of his wife and his kids. I can almost physically feel my heart hurt for them.

Boudicca's Voice may be my home, but Neptunus Lex was my home away from home. He was the only blog I read consistently. If the comments were lively, I'd go over 3, 4, 5, 10 times a day. I commented there pretty regularly, whereas over the years I have grown more silent elsewhere. It was a place where people could politically differ, although mostly they did not, and intellectual discourse prevailed with a demanded modicum of civility by the host.

And Lex didn't really have to demand it. Ever the gentleman who had garnered respect from his legions, nobody crossed the line. It was Lex's home and there would be polite discourse, even if that line was traveled very tightly sometimes.

I was actually one of the few women that commented over there frequently. Lex knew that I didn't always agree with him politically, but I always respected where he was coming from. I'd email him sometimes and tell him... that there was grounded thought in his opinion and I loved that.

And this post is longer than I intended, as I'm sitting here crying... again... but it was in his post Streamer yesterday where I was the first commenter. Reading about his drag chute malfunction, I put that I was glad I worked in a cube. In a response to one of his other commenters, I went the next step and said I didn't know how Lex did what he did.

And I stopped short, I actually erased the sentence I had next which was "And I don't know how his wife does what she does, knowing these things happen..."

I almost sent him an email yesterday telling him, "Does your wife read your blog? Seriously. I'd have a stroke..."

But I didn't, and it's one of those times that I'm glad that I was overcome by events and didn't throw it out there. It would be there forever and would sicken me.

More than I am.

So I'm processing through this. I'm really really really struggling. In reality, he was the only mil-blog I read. He was a part of my daily life, his politics, his take on life, his family... the all girls spending team.

I struggle. Prayers to The Hobbit and his kids. Carroll LeFon was 51.

Posted by Boudicca at March 7, 2012 07:21 AM
Comments

I've started this several times. I haven't got the words yet. Maybe later today.

Posted by: Teresa at March 7, 2012 09:20 AM

I still can find no words. And I never want to make a call like that again.

Posted by: Tammi at March 7, 2012 09:27 AM

I also read that "streamer" entry the other day, but never dreamed one of his flights would end in disaster like this. I think you're the person who turned me onto LeFon's blog and I can't thank you enough for that. He was one VERY interesting guy and a hell of a great writer. I've lost a "friend" I never met and I'll miss him greatly.

Posted by: George P at March 7, 2012 09:47 AM

I completely understand the 'home away from home'. So very true. My heart is broken...for all of us but mostly for his family.

Posted by: HomefrontSix at March 7, 2012 11:36 AM

I am heartsick for his family. I wish I'd crossed paths with him through more than just a blog or a chat room. One of the few bloggers I always respected.

Posted by: caltechgirl at March 7, 2012 11:39 AM

Beautifully written, Bou. It is a sad day indeed...

Posted by: Richmond at March 7, 2012 12:09 PM

Been following links all over, reading tributes.
Feels like an earthquake in my heart.

Posted by: Jean at March 7, 2012 01:26 PM

I am sorry, Bou! :(

Posted by: PeggyU at March 7, 2012 01:36 PM

Found this out almost by accident - via a Facebook post by That One Guy. I am sad... so sad.

Posted by: Elisson at March 7, 2012 03:36 PM

His was the only blog my Dad would read...and honestly, my Dad would have wanted to go that way...doing something he loved.

Posted by: Mrs. Who at March 7, 2012 09:28 PM

..... I am sorry that he is gone, ma'am... he was a fine writer and a great man....... I wish that I had read him more....

Posted by: Eric at March 7, 2012 10:26 PM

A dragon for a very brief time flew and walked among us. I'm going to miss him a lot. He was a most vocal and literate dragon. My kind of dragon.

Posted by: Curtis at March 8, 2012 04:14 AM

Im sorry Bou. :-( It was so tough seeing the news yesterday. I've lurked on his site for several years. Always gained some new insight between his posts and the comments. I have no other words as my heart just hurts for his family.

Posted by: Nina at March 8, 2012 08:24 AM

Bou,

What a beautiful and heartfelt post. You were able to say exactly what I am feeling right now too.

I read only ONE blog and it was his. Such a loss to all of us.

From a fellow Irish gal.

Posted by: FloridaFlyer at March 9, 2012 11:26 AM