I think that people don't value National Security enough anymore. I find that... disturbing.
I find it rather ironic, that back without the internet, without TV or instantaneous gratification in communication, that everyone was worried about the Russians, our enemies, or even the Chinese. Now with the internet, what appears to be visibility into everything, because people don't see them there lurking... the assumption is that they must not be... lurking.
We will be the end of ourselves.
So I'm back on homebase and we're trying to get everything wrapped up for the end of the school year. My older boys are starting to study for their final exams. We're trying to keep on top of Bones to get through this school year... a truly torturous task.
Ringo graduates from high school next year. We have 12 months and he'll be a high school graduate. I'm not struggling with it... but I keep mulling it over. Six months from now, and we'll probably know where he is going to college.
He will be leaving home.
I'm Ok with it, but I am realizing more and more how much I... need him here. Our late night conversations as he pours out his hopes and worries. My listening, knowing I can fix nothing nor make anything happen. It is all for him to do.
Parenting is becoming more and more a spectator sport as I prepare to release him.
He runs errands for me, helps Bones in math, mows the yard, pulls the younger boys aside when he realizes they've pushed me to my limits. He is another adult in this home.
My husband had accidentally planned a business trip for the same time I was in San Antonio. It left T and Ringo home alone from Wednesday afternoon until Saturday night. There were band practices, concerts, dinners, school and even a prom. The entire time, they only had to rely on someone besides the two of them... once. Son#4's Mom came and picked up T from a study group on Saturday and brought him back to their home while Ringo went to Prom.
It was just four days, but they completely took care of themselves.
It wasn't until I was in Tyndall on day 4 that Ringo started to send me txts, wondering how I was, what I was doing and when I'd be home. He sent me pictures of his Prom, unasked. Via txt we joked about various things.
One of my co-workers said to me after I showed him the Prom picture and told him about some of our txts, "You have a good son, Bou. I hope I have a relationship with my son like you do with yours... when he's Ringo's age."
I am very blessed. There are times I want to scream. There are times I want to run. But those times are few and far between.
I walk amongst the blessed.
Every now and then, I just have to be reminded... like going away and seeing from afar, what I have been given. Single handedly, the most difficult, amazing, and wonderful job I have had is...
... being a Mom.
Posted by Boudicca at May 13, 2012 08:23 PM