May 20, 2012

The Gifts that Don't Keep on Giving

I could swear I'd posted that "Mo falling off the pig and separating her shoulder" story, but I'm thinking now, I hadn't.

The whole story was just so fitting. When she was little, she had this thing about pigs, thinking they were so cute. My Nana took it that next step further, and I swear she inundated my sister with all things pig.

I just occasionally continue the tradition. I got her a teak pig that you can hide things in. One year I got her a big pig pitcher with little pig cups. If she sends me a picture, I'll post it.

I think that was the most surprising gift I got her pig related. I mean, what does one do with a big pink pig pitcher with four pig cups?

But the pig story with her, taking place seven years ago or so, just kind of threw me over the edge. You have to know Mo. If someone were going to portray Mo in her life story, it would be Sandra Bullock and the goofy way she does her physical comedy. (People have said she could easily portray me with the messes I get myself into, but really, I don't have to have her portray me. I just want my body to look like hers...)

Seriously, Sandra would be a good fit to portray Mo, however, as she's the funniest of the two of us. If I'd separated my shoulder, NEVER EVER would it have occurred to me to tell someone I'd done so in a pig race for a children's charity.

But what happened next was the moral and ethical dilemma as the guy... actually asked her out on a date. He wasn't American, so we weren't really questioning his intellect. Well, maybe a little. But hell, we have rodeos with bulls and horses, so why not a pig rodeo?

Really.

And she said yes, so that meant the phone lines were burning between the two of us as to what she was to do next. When exactly did she tell him that there was no pig racing for a children's charity, that she'd made up the story, and that their date was based on the fabric of one big weird lie?

Do you keep playing into it? Tell him up front? How do you keep him from feeling stupid?

Oh the scenarios we pondered as we tried to get her out of her 'I don't really race pigs for a children's charity' dilemma.

Fortunately, some guy he worked with clued him in immediately, so it was never a real issue. He picked her up knowing he had been gullible.

But this whole thing led me to want to continue to feed into this pig mania...

Which brings me to this Christmas.

She told me that she'd gotten me this odd gift. She swore it the craziest gift and... suddenly, I felt... I don't know. Challenged?

Imagine my surprise when I was strolling through Bed Bath and Beyond two weeks before Christmas and found these fans shaped as animals.

Me: HOLY CRAP! Look at this!

Husband: What is it?

Me: It's a huge cat. With a FAN in it's tummy. It's a cat fan!

Husband: NO.

Me: OMG! There are other animals!

Husband: No. We don't need an animal fan...

Me: NOT FOR ME! For... MO! I wonder if they have it in pig form...

He rolled his eyes, shook his head and walked away. I immediately glommed onto my phone googling 'pig fan' to see if there were... pig options.

And there were.

I ran through the store, 'HUN! LOOK! They have a pig fan! I could get this for Mo for Christmas!"

My husband said, "Do not get her the pig fan. Flam does not need a pig fan in his home..."

He wasn't so much looking out for my sister, but for my brother in law. That whole, "men stick together thing" or maybe the "these two sisters are bat crap crazy..."

And so I started my pig fan hunt, because as God is my Witness, everyone and their brother evidently wanted this pig fan, because it was the ONLY animal form sold out.

I had to order said fan from frickin' Washington State. WASHINGTON STATE! And not just Washington State, but from some small store, in some small town, located in one of those north western nubby pointy corner parts of the state.

Could I get any further from S. FL? No.

The Ultimate Christmas Gift.jpg

Every house needs one, yes?

As for the gift from my sister, she got me a whimical item for my garden, that I do love. I call it, "Flamingo dropping acid" although maybe it's some kind of goonie bird.

I prefer Flamingo since my family had this thing about hiding plastic flamingos from family member to unsuspecting family member.

Flamingo dropping acid.jpg

Definitely... every garden needs one of these!

Posted by Boudicca at May 20, 2012 08:23 PM
Comments

Hmmm Flamingos in the yard... ;-)

Posted by: vwbug at May 21, 2012 04:48 AM

... please, dear god, tell me that they don't make a penguin fan.....

Posted by: Eric at May 21, 2012 06:36 AM

Eric-

they do! Holy crap! Fiona needs one!!!
http://www.happyholidayware.com/Ornaments/Animal-Fans-Flower-Fans/Funky-Penguin-Shaped-Fan/1154.htm?gclid=CKaVh6WqkbACFYqb7QodsF32qw

Is her bday coming up? Bwhahahahaha!!!

Posted by: Bou at May 21, 2012 07:01 AM

OMG!!! Yes a penguin fan!!! She needs one really. I mean we always bring presents...

I love the pig fan - I adore it. Not sure what I'd do with it, but I do love it.

Posted by: Teresa at May 22, 2012 03:28 PM

Yes, I am the person T warned you about - but don't worry, I won't stalk you...much.

OMG...a pig fan - YES!!! Maybe not for me - just maybe - but I have a cousin who has an entire ROOM completely full of pig items. Her husband took a spare bedroom, lined it with custom-built shelves and it is cram-jam FUL of anything and everything PIG. I wish I had a pic of it...you can't imagine it - you'd just have to see it to believe it. Now I'm off to google Pig Fans (which is obviously redundant in my family) to send her the link.

Posted by: Mirmie at May 22, 2012 03:56 PM

Teresa- She so needs one of those. It is a must for the penguin room...

Mirmie- It was so funny, but Teresa sent me a note and I pretty much said to her I didn't think anyone really found me funny. I post stuff sometimes and laugh hysterically to myself and log off. I always wonder, "Does anyone else laugh?" She told me y'all do! Yay!

Posted by: Bou at May 22, 2012 09:02 PM

Oh we laugh alright.

Cackle and chortle even.

Posted by: yak at May 26, 2012 09:31 AM

Bou:

Yes we laugh! and snort, and giggle! I want a pig fan - my girlfriend Dianne would love it!

Posted by: Mary at May 27, 2012 02:37 PM