June 19, 2012

Bones Advice Column: #1

Bones: You know, Ringo... you're lookin' all cut and all from going to the gym, but you don't look really... you know... fit or buff.

Ringo: *blink*

Bones: What you need is some veins sticking out.

Ringo: What?!

Bones: Yup. Listen to your brother. If you want to look buff, you need veins popping out of your arms.

Me, shouting from the dining room: NO! HE DOES NOT NEED VEINS POPPING OUT!

Bones: Shhh. You do. That's a sign you are really cut and fit.

Ringo: Bones. I have never heard that in my life.

Bones: It's true. So here's what you gotta do. You need to do more push ups and more pull ups. You need to work your arms a little more. Get some vein action.

Ringo: You have NO clue what you're talking about.

*we're all staring at Bones lean frame with his jeans nearly falling off, not because it's cool, but because the kid has no hips*

Bones: I do. I do. You just need to listen. It's all about the veins.

Ringo: Go away, Bones. You annoy me...

*walking away* Bones: Fine. You'll see. It's about the veins.

This is coming from the kid who has been telling us since he was about 7 years old that he's going to work out only one side of his body so one side is buff and muscular and the other is not, just for effect.

Who in the world would take advice from someone like that?

Posted by Boudicca at June 19, 2012 11:04 PM

"It's all about the veins".

...made me laugh out loud! :D

Posted by: pam at June 20, 2012 05:40 AM

Bones is such a kindred, because I was totally fixated on veins (not my own, but on guys with muscles) when I was younger. Veins and calf muscles. In fact, my BFF and I were always judging people by their calves. Also, we'd make a guessing game out of butt dents... you know, those muscle dents on each side of your tushy? We'd try to guess who has them and who doesn't.

Posted by: Erica at June 20, 2012 06:53 AM

The veins come when you are "pumped up", say after you have swam a mile or so. Before that you should not see them. Please tell Bones. They are a side effect, not the end result.

Posted by: The Thomas at June 20, 2012 08:03 AM

OMG that's hilarious. I'll be giggling the rest of the day.

Posted by: Teresa at June 20, 2012 10:05 AM

Watch out. Next thing you know, he'll be giving advice about the perfect derriere...

Posted by: diamond dave at June 20, 2012 11:49 AM

Well here's a bit of bodybuilding trivia you might be interested in. A friend of mine who did that told me that when they do those competitions they use a special glue to hold their swimsuits in place. They have to, because they don't have enough body fat for the elastic to grab onto. (I, on the other hand, make elastic very happy!)

Posted by: PeggyU at June 20, 2012 08:44 PM

Bones needs body building glue. We can't keep his pants up. Swim suits... you wouldn't believe how many times he's climbed out of a pool, only to have to stop halfway and pull his suit up because it almost fell off. And it was tied. As tight as it would tie.

What's funny is when he gets into these comedic routines, the phrasing and cadences, the choice of words. It cracks me up.

Posted by: Bou at June 21, 2012 10:48 PM